Good morning. As you probably all remember, I travel for work. Often. Very often. In fact, it’s Monday morning at 5 something a.m. and I am sitting in an airport writing this on a very cold morning headed toward a very cold place (Canada). Of course, it’s 200 degrees in here and I am a huge sweat-er, so this is not good, especially since I sit here in a sweater. Anyway, this was not intended to be the first post on the grand opening day, but, as you will learn, writing for me is cathartic and there is a bit of therapy I always gain from writing things down.
So, I think I must start with the following:
My name is Drew (well, here at least) and I am not perfect. There. Said. Done. Surprised? I suspected you would not be, yet somehow I am honestly surprised, shocked and dismayed every single time I realize that fact for myself. Basically, last night, well, yesterday in general, I fucked up. My very first task at this new side of me and I fucked it up. You see, the very, absolute first rule Husband and I had and Thumper and I had, I blew – and not in that good way. More about me, well, I get excited about things. I got excited about Thumper and taking our relationship forward as I grow my Dom side. I got very very excited about this blog and the comments and where I wanted to go with it. I got excited about finally expressing my sub side to myself, the Husband, and actually my best friend in the world who already “knew” but “didn’t really know” (more on that in a post this afternoon). I got excited about anything and everything, except, sadly, not my Husband.
Grand Fucking Rule One and I broke it and I broke it bad. See, another duality of me is that I live my life out of a suitcase 3-4 nights and week and then out of the drawers at home the others. This varies, obviously, but the last few months have been more about the suitcase than the drawer due to work demands – which pay me well and provide for that drawer – so I am always trying to balance. This week I am in Canada three nights, home two, and then off to China for nine. So, see, time with him is precious and that makes this fuck up and lack of balance even worse. See, I allowed what I generally like to call “that 13 year old girl inside of me” to rule and I started shrinking Thumper, this blog, my eventual slide into being controlled and a few others things into one giant ball filled with glitter, puppies, rainbows, and Captain Crunch and got goose-bumpy and giddy. Yeah, I said it. Some of you might understand it. Some of you may not. Especially with the duality of me as the over 6 feet, 200 plus pound, former linebacker looking chap that I am; one does not expect glittery rainbows. However, that’s just me and, while a few hours of it may have been fine, letting those emotions control me was not.
Also, Thumper and I talked and he and I will most likely amend our time spent thinking about each other and the oh so good freaky acts of submission and control he will provide for me and learn how to channel that better, together for a great adventure of his plugged ass that is balanced, in check, yet defined enough that he will have a very red ass should he fuck up (Thump, chime in here if you want).
Finally, I have several different posts planned for today as I have a significant amount of free time and lots and lots of garbage spinning in my head to get out. Anyone mind hearing more about glitter, puppies and anal plugs later?
So, balance is coming. Advice is appreciated.
It’s time for me to board. Later.
Oh dear! Nice to know you’re human though 😉
Thank you. I appreciate that a great deal.
Nobody’s perfect. And no matter how much discussing and pre-planning and what-if’ing you do ahead of time… There’s no surefire way to predict how relationary changes – especially the addition/development of ancillary relationships – will *truly* impact you and yours. (Glitter balls notwithstanding. 😉 ) The fact that one or both (or all four) of you are feeling a little off-balance right now… That’s to be expected. I may go so far as to say, it is normal.
Try not to be too hard on yourself; we’re all only human. 🙂
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Mrs. Fever, thank you. What a nice comment and a great point of view. The balance is leveling out today, but it will be awhile before stability sets in and, that’s okay.
This put my stomach in a knot! This all seems so complicated, but well worth it.