I don’t intend for this to be a long post, but for those of you who follow both blogs you will know that he said that Belle thought my tone was too possessive in the first blog post and that he did too, but since he knew me, he knew how to take it, etc. He also posted today that I was tempted to edit it, adjust it, move it, draw pretty pictures within it, etc, but he advised that I not do that. He told me he has plenty of blogging regrets out there and that I should post about it, then be done.
So, having re-read it and with nothing technically or legally wrong with it, I decided to leave it here BUT to say that, with the “sensible adult eyes” that T said, I so, so see their point and I am glad I do because, while I may make no guarantees I won’t do it again accidentally, I will certainly have fresh eyes about it.
Thumper calls it a little triangle (where each) has their own perspective and vulnerabilities. He is right, but when you add in Axel, it becomes what I see as a ball enclosed within a rectangle with two corners made of lead (shiny lead, but lead nonetheless), one corner made of aluminum (sticking with the metal for male thing – but a thin one, explanation below), and a fourth corner made of very beautiful, fragile glass. On Sunday, that ball contained within it was a 16 pound bowling ball made of the ugly black resin that so many are. Today, after a few days of each couple talking, becoming grown up adults, and putting on our sensible shoes, I think T would agree with me that the ball is still one used for bowling, but it’s probably 12-14 pounds now and is at least that weird mix of blue and green that they use. It will take time to shrink it to a youth size, replace it with a kick ball, and then, maybe, just maybe, a tennis ball, but we can never, ever forget the ball is in there readily waiting to knock out two, or even four corners.
Finally, another thought I had about this that will be completely new to the Thumper world of readers, but a realization I had earlier today is something that we have not touched on at all and I think it’s important for all of us to note. Yes, my language in the first post could have been and should have been softer, but as Thumper’s FIRST job is to protect Belle, mine is to protect Axel. I wrote that telling myself I was worried about both of the other corners fragile spousal corners, and I was, but, what I was not considering was a wife’s point of view, because that is just something I never ever had to do but will be cognizant of from now on.
Let’s put it this way, one of the things Axel and I do together is walk down the street and look at guys, not for sex, but just because we enjoy that together and have absolutely no issues in saying “fuck, did you see his ass?”. I have felt sorry my whole married life for straight men whose wife’s get mad at them for looking at another woman because that is something that we as a couple share together. But, biologically we share that, and that is something a straight man will never be able to do with his wife and something she will never be able to do with him. So, that said, this made me think about this new rectangle differently because, while Belle and Axel are both amazing spouses who are trusting us to do what we need. to. do, I have never actually realized that she is absolutely the most trusting one of all of all four of us because it truly is a different football field for her and I now promise to be ever aware.