The collision of exhaustion, excitement, loneliness, pizza, and smiling – yes, a same ole’ same ole’ summary of week one

So, it’s been a week since Thumper helped me start this blog to document my journey into accepting my submissive self as well as another vehicle for he and I to share our journey together which follows my switch side and his backside.  Since the blog started, the latter has been reigned into a slow, steady, drip of control, a growing deep mutual respect which both follows a D/s line and doesn’t – yea, it works and it’s not changing, and what I see as true friendship, which is an addition I am not sure I really ever expected – not so much with him, but really with whoever I ever found to help me on this journey.  With it now in place, it’s like a truly unexpected gift from the North.  Don’t get me wrong, all daisies and zebras aside, you will still hear about his weekly requirement and his successes and failures (he had his first one this week which is disappointing but can still be okay) in this blog generally on Mondays or early in the week otherwise from HIM, because he is instructed to not only list them, but to say how they made him feel.  And, though the time has shortened, he is still being held accountable. This public side of his service is an important step for some things ahead for both of us.

Those sexual dream filled plugged things aside, what I never really intended to have this blog do was discuss my career and my life involved with that, but, there are days, like today, that the two just combine in such a way I think writing is my only escape.  Because of my career, which, honestly, is not as fabulous as some may think because of the the places I go, is very very specialized, so I have to be very careful about naming places, etc.  When I can though, I will share what can be shared.  For instance, tonight I arrived in Hong Kong.  From the dark drive in, I found it to be an intimidating place, but Monday morning will arrive soon so I am sure it will be better. But any time I find myself on the other side of the world I find myself lonely, this time, it was stepped up a tad, but a very in control tad and once works starts at 7:30am tomorrow, I will be in game mode!

So, I bring that all up to say that today was a shitty day, mostly because I sat on three planes, in coach for two of the segments, for whopping today 27 hours. In the last two weeks, I have been to Australia, Canada, and now here in China.  I am truly exhausted and that, combined with the PMS we have discussed, has truly wrecked my ability to cope with even the smallest issue in a thoughtful way and not allowed me to concentrate.  If you can’t tell from here, my mind works constantly, both good and bad.  The best example I can tell you about my mind is that I remember at some point with Axel a few years back when he and I were having the most amazing sex ever, and right in the middle I started wondering about what I was going to have for lunch tomorrow, and then went right back to enjoying his amazing sex.  Actually, I never stopped enjoying it to think about it, that’s just how it works.  It’s something like, “Fuck, he is fucking me so fucking wonderful, oh, pizza, pizza for lunch tomorrow, wow that is amazing, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, pepperoni alone or, fuck that feels good”.  My mind does that with EVERYTHING at ALL TIMES. It’s crazy but it’s always a adventure. Most importantly, I have accepted that for who I am and enjoy it.  I just have to be careful, at times, about what I say when 🙂

It’s funny, as you have seen through here as well, the above also coincided with this wonderful adventure with Axel and the fascinating journey with Thumper, this blogging thing that I have discovered I love, and the aforementioned hormonal imbalance –  three of which will continue long, long after I catch up on sleep, have just made it a week with a lot to think about.

So, on the plane tonight, I reflected.  Watched a movie.  Reflected.  Had a Bailey’s on ice. Reflected.  And, then I stopped.  I just stopped and started smiling like a horny rabbit; a rabbit seeing the key to his cage.

I smiled hard.  I smiled long.  I smiled so much that I freaked out my left hand watch wearing  neighbor.  But I didn’t care, because the first week of the new me, who, while exhausted and still a tad emotional from the lady bits, is a very very happy man.

So, like Sally Ford accepting her Oscar with the “they really like me speech”, consider this my onstage thanks to Axel, for loving me with all of his soul, his huge brain, and now using me with his other huge, well, (there will be other posts) and for his absolute trust in me to let me find who I need to be.  To Thumper, for his insight, trust, friendship, and, most especially, his ever growing, yet refined, desire to make me happy and to smile when doing so.  And, finally, to the fourth corner, Belle, for her trust and love of Thumper as I honestly think that is most likely the corner of trust that let began this journey for me – which is weird in some respects, but very very cool that we live in a time that though the technology afforded to us, that one, from what I know, amazing woman, in mind body and soul, started it all and unlocked the horny, kinky as fuck, gay man inside me.

So, from whatever fucking timezone I am in, goodnight from the lucky man with the husband, boyfriend, career, and Macbook that’s making me very excited about the journey ahead.


  1. Omg, omg, omg! Hahaha my hubby does the “wandering mind” thing too! I find it cute. I hope he reads this blog post. So awesome that someone else out there has a “million miles a second mind” like my cagedmonkey.


    1. Hell yes, I get that “wandering mind” thing! My Lady and I have actually had a conversation out loud like the one you described in your head – great awesome sex, and during it we are working out our schedules for the rest of the weekend. It’s equal parts hilarious and awesome at the same time! 🙂


      1. It’s rather annoying and fun at the same time and it applies to all facets of life. This morning I was giving a presentation wondering about what to get people for Christmas.


      2. Ooooo bondage toys lol I want bondage toys! Haha cagedmonkey and I said it must have to do with how comfortable we are. 🙂


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