Drew asked me to come over here to put my side of the recent evolution of our relationship on the record. It seems as though some (including Drew when he first read it) thought my post about it over on Denying Thumper left the impression we were ending our little experiment in hot kinky sex. NO, not at all.
I think we both entered into our relationship (and I can’t think of a better word than that since it is a relationship but not like, you know, a relationship) with excessive exuberance. Neither of us having had someone on the side before, we were both very excited at the prospect and, candidly, probably a little unrealistic as to what the appropriate scale of the relationship should be.
I wrote in my other post that our dynamic has to “live in whatever air pockets exist around our ‘real’ lives.” I like that metaphor because it suggests a finite amount of time and energy available in life for relationship-type stuff and, for me, that’s especially true and the last week really showed that to be the case. So, in order to ensure I didn’t end up crying in the fetal position on the floor of an emergency room somewhere, we had to modify parameters.
As I also said in my other post, what we both want out of this is a friend with which we can have hot kinky sex. What I thought that meant was also living a somewhat involved hot kinky lifestyle side by side with how I live with Belle and that was, in retrospect, silly. Had I not been in a relationship, then fine, but I am and always will be, so it was too much for me. Realizing that and adjusting around it should not be viewed as failure on either of our parts. It’s a sign of success, IMO. Remember, for perhaps different reasons, what we both want is what we had in that hotel room a few weeks back. That’s the prize at the bottom of the box. Everything else needs to be adjusted to ensure that happens. That’s what we’ve done (and will continue to do), so WINNING.
Of course, since I’m a sexual submissive in 97.3% of my body (the end of my left little toe is a fucking domination powerhouse), any sexual relationship I’m in will only be really satisfying if it includes some kind of power exchange dynamic. We both want that, so it’s not going away. However, we have had to, as they say in the corporate world, “level-set.” He still has rules for me and will still be setting tasks and consequences for not meeting them, but the real D/s elements of our relationship will occur when we’re physically together. At least that’s the plan. We will continue to fine-tune our interactions to ensure our continued friendship can be laced with occasional afternoons of torrid, flushed, hotness.