Hello from a hotel balcony where I am sitting nearly naked overlooking a very gray, stormy Australian sky. It was beautiful when I arrived, but that was not meant to be. Just as well, really, because I am completely wiped out and in that “don’t give a fuck about anything” place that I tend to go straight to after thirty plus hours of travel.
Anyway, my last few posts have dived deep into the “Drew and Thumper Show” arena and, while that was, is, and will be needed as this adventure continues, the adventures of home life have gone on as well.
As most of you know, last week was my longest time alone with Axel since this whole thing officially started. I had been locked in the Holy Trainer from the previous week, so, with the exceptions of a few minutes off here and there for cleaning, it had pretty much been a part of me for about nine or ten days, including going through airport security (twice, once in the scanner and once in just the metal detectors – nothing from either, but I am saving that story for Thumper’s review).
Now, compared to most of the locked men who are reading this, that amount of time is child’s play, but for a relative newbie, I was pretty impressed with myself and I was also pretty impressed with Axel as to how much he enjoyed me being locked. He said that “I had a new look in my eye” that he liked a lot and that I was extremely more affectionate as well. That said, I noticed a huge change in my thinking too and have a great example of that following but, fortunately or maybe unfortunately for me, I think may have sealed my locked fate with Axel for good.
However, before I go into all of that, I think I should talk about me and my climax history because, well, I am not a huge orgasmic fan. By that, I mean, I am not one of those guys who will do anything to just get off. I have often been envious of them at many times in my life, but the getting off to get off thing for me is not a quick process. Don’t be shocked, but I go deep into my mind, start exploring wherever my thoughts go, and then take my time making it happen. I honestly can’t help it. When it does happen many minutes or even a half hour later, it feels amazing and great and all those buzz words, but, unlike Axel and most of my friends, an orgasm wires me to the point that I can’t sleep for several hours after having one.
When I was in the dating pool 100 years ago (although the boyfriend on the side thing sorta nullifies that statement, huh?) this used to be a huge mental issue for me because, try as I might, I just couldn’t go fast and I so worried about how to introduce this concept to my partner, especially in those early dates where mutual jerking is considered romance. With Axel, we were in our 20’s when we met and both had a bit more stamina then, but I remember him being one of the first “dates” I had ever had where I didn’t worry about the climactic end. Of course, this is for a blog post later as several have asked our backstory, but when he and I met, I didn’t lust after him (and he knows this), but I liked him immensely. The lust grew and the mental connection grew and at some point in those early days, I knew this was going to be the man I was with forever, so I made him wait on sex. Actually, we dated seven weeks before we saw each other naked, and for two twenty something gay boys with tight abs that was saying something, so by that time, we were so comfortable with each other, the fact is that I didn’t have to worry. Now, years later, he loves that I am slow because he has learned to embrace it and enjoy it too and, frankly, I always come first because that allows him all that extra time in the sticky zone he likes to be in.
I honestly JUST thought about this, but with Thumper, it didn’t matter that I was slow because with his metal dick there wasn’t a damn thing he could do anyway. Now, I realize that I loved having that “power” over him and enjoyed just watching those “oh my God, when is this going to happen, it’s going to be hot because it’s been so many years, but I have a meeting in an hour and have to run carpool” eyes he had had going on with his face buried in just the right spot. Maybe that is why I was and continue to be so fascinated with being with him in his locked state. Hmmmm. I’ll have to run that by my in house therapist at some point.
So, I digressed again, but all that said, when I talked with Axel about the idea of chastity, he was skeptical only because (he admits now) he figured I was the last person who needed help controlling his dick. But, he played along nicely thinking this would be a fad that might go away like the many, many other that had happened through the years, but what neither of us really expected was the mental change that it has given me. First, when I am locked, I want out. I don’t want out badly enough to ask for it again, but, as they say, bondage is not bondage until you want out, so for me, I think I am just enjoying the fact that I cannot just get what I want when I want it which is frankly something I have never really had to deal with in life, because I always find a way if I want something bad enough. I am not sure it’s the orgasm or just the ability to have one if I want one that is my driving force, but, we are learning and we are enjoying as it progresses. Plus, I don’t have to worry about when I will get out or it interfering with Thumper or any of that, so I am allowed the freedom to enjoy that luxury too.
Also, I am finding myself being more nice and being more understanding. I know, I don’t get it either, but by giving Axel this level of intimate control, I have started to think more about him as my keeper, protector, etc. Thumper once told me that he found himself not really getting mad at Belle anymore. He said he’d get irritated, but never mad. I found that strange until this week because, we had the ultimate test. See, on Wednesday, day nine or ten, Axel dented my SUV. Badly. He obviously did not mean to and just didn’t think that one should not hit the power hatch at the same time one lowers the garage door, but, expensive lesson learned and a second one is that tempered glass really does shatter into many, many pieces. So, I was standing there and heard and saw it and did not get mad. In fact, he had previously mentioned sex would be occurring that night, so my mind went there. I actually remember telling myself not to react the way I typically would because of said sex. He was bracing for moody, stormy Drew to appear but I casually found a broom, silently cried over the gashes in my baby, and went and called and made a reservation to drop it off at the body shop on Thanksgiving Day so MAYBE it will be fixed when I get home. He moped around like he was expecting me to steal his puppy at any minute, but I didn’t and, of course, he had to ask me about it. I told him I actually thought with my plastic dick that time, and he was rather impressed.
So, part two of this was Wednesday night I was told to unlock before I took a shower because IT was gonna happen. His ass would be proudly up in the air waiting for ME. I unlocked, I showered, and I came out to find him curled up in a ball with Stella the dog right in the middle sound asleep. He had had a rough few days, so I got dressed, went downstairs and came to bed a few hours later hoping that Thursday would be the morning.
Nope, nope, it was Thanksgiving and he had things to do. I am not allowed to even microwave in our house, so I didn’t, but he had things to do so I hoped for the best for Thursday day, night, etc. The day was uneventful, we dropped my German at the body shop, ate, did some laundry and I started packing for the trip. The key here is that laundry, because emerging from his pocket from the dryer, was the extra key fob/key (my car doesn’t have a real key) from my car that he had “forgotten” and with the car away, due to HIM, there was not a way to test if it would work and will most likely be a nice $400 day of fun for me at the dealership soon. It was about five seconds later that we realized that unlocked Drew is not the nice Drew and that was pointed out to me a bit later as he was building my Steelheart online and suddenly asking me to ask Thumper how long I needed to heal before ordering.
I think I sealed my fate but time will tell.
Oh, fyi, the sex happened Friday morning. But, if you remember my story about my mind not shutting off during sex and me worried about lunch, try having sex with me an hour before leaving for the airport for a 12 day international trip. It happened somehow but it ain’t nothing I will be writing about here.