So I am feeling kind of bleh tonight. Nothing really that wrong except it’s rather lonely being on the other side of the world and 17 hours apart from those I love. For whatever reason, despite multiple apps that tell me the answer, I just cannot get my mind around what time it really is at home either and that is bothering me.
Part of this is professionally this is a very tough trip for me as my job often has me delivering career changing news to people that is often not very good (think the movie Up in the Air), despite the fact that it is most often extremely needed. This is one of those trips and for some odd reason they are not throwing their arms up to welcome me back. Go figure.
The time difference means that Axel and I are not often awake at the same time or in places with strong enough wifi at the right times to talk to each other and I miss him. It’s funny, with the deepness of our recent weeks it makes being away from him tougher than usual, but we have been through longer stretches and I will be home in four days, so all is not so bad. It culminated in my head today because I needed to get my hair cut/head shaved and, since that is something he does for me, I “went outside our relationship” to have it done at a barber shop here and I felt horrible. As we all know, I have been naked with a bunny and felt zero guilt but when I let a big haired big boobed Aussie woman take a razor to my head I felt horrible? There is really something sweet and fucked up with that all at the same time.
And, with all that, I am not feeling all squishy and submissive-y either. I know that will come back and 99% of that is based on the fact that my professional side is winning the dominant war this week and that I have not communicated enough with my husband, but it still feels funny or makes me worry that I am taking a backslide. Of course, that is just me – have I told you I how much I worry about how much I worry? I would say it’s from growing up Catholic, but I didn’t, so I can’t.
So, like I said, just bleh.
There are positives though because I will be home in four days and then, as an added early start to my next trip, I am going to see Thumper for a day and a half that will culminate with a needle going through my penis before I zip away to Chicago a four day conference that I will have to sit through knowing I will have all that excitement going on in my pants. I am actually already looking forward to his recap of the event.
After that, I will only have one more trip and then be home with Axel for almost four weeks, save a night or two, so I am just bleh in anticipation 🙂