Well, today was the day as anyone who follows me and/or Thumper already knows.
This is not going to be a long post because I am wiped out after not sleeping most of last night thinking about today and then spending most of this afternoon in a tightly wrapped bundle of bloody nerves waiting on my bloody penis to stop being so fucking bloody.
Tomorrow, when I have a more clear head, I will write about my first 24 hours with the PA and document the feelings, the healing, and the other incidentals because I think that it’s important to leave such a record for people down the road who are doing the same thing. In fact, as you know, Thumper and I oddly chose the same day and the same time, just six years apart, to have ours done, so I love the fact that I can go back and read one of his entries from say, the 17th, and compare myself to where I am on, say, the 17th. Anyway, I digress.
I have a titanium curved rod in my dick. It’s 6 gauge, strangely much higher than the 10 gauge I was expecting it to be. But, we will talk about that in the days to come, see pictures, and, one day, Thumper may even post actual pictures of it (I allowed him to photoshoot the fun) once I am no longer freaked out about seeing myself in that pool of blood.
As a quick summary, to all those people out there who said “I didn’t even know it had happened” or “it was just a pinch” – FUCK OFF, because I knew every single second of it because it felt like she was digging into my most precious asset with a dull butter knife. Now, it did not last long nor did the pain. In fact, all afternoon it has barely even stung. My bigger complaint was that I literally tensed myself up so much that I aggravated a muscle in my lower back and that was enough to hurt all day taking the focus off my dick. That said, Thumper actually reached out and held my hand through it. Honestly, that is a phrase I have used for years, but I can’t actually think about a real life time when anyone actually held my hand through something like that – mostly due to sterile conditions or the LASIK surgeon not wanted to walk around Axel, etc. But, as the picture shows. He did and, at the risk of sounding like Jan Brady, that really meant a lot to me and is a memory I will never forget. The pain and blood I will forget, but not that. (plus, my ass looks okay in the pic too)
The issue? Well, there were multiple. One, I bled and bled a lot. I am not on any type of medicine that should cause this, but by the time he and I went to lunch – pizza, my all time favorite comfort food – and I had the nerve to go to the, luckily, private bathroom to look, I had soaked through all the gauze and was almost soaking through those new jeans you all saw last week.
That terrified me.
Everyone said “expect a bit of blood” but big pools were not on the list. So, being the kind boyfriend he is, we went to Walgreens and both of us went to the gauze section, the sterile saline section, and then, like two lumberjacks in a china shop, we daintily went into the feminine hygiene section looking for maxi pads or something like that. Being the married to a woman man he is, I would not have expected this to be his first trip down that aisle either, but, it was, so as our “heavy flow with wings” virginity status was lifted, we first admired all the pretty boxes and designs and then went for the purchase. He took me to a private spot and bandaged me right up while in my head the “how sweet” and “I really hope he will not save this mental picture of my dick – because he has seen it in far more glory” thoughts battled in my head. As for the pads, they have helped. Tremendously. However, its almost 11 hours after the deed and the blood is still running down my leg at times. They say it’s normal. It does not hurt. But, I am hoping it stops soon. (also, I am now in Chicago for work at a very very expensive fancy ass hotel with the most amazing sheets ever – I really hate they have the potential to look like a crime scene tomorrow morning and wonder what the replacement will cost me).
The other issue is just me. I freaked out a bit after this afternoon and, as typical of me, I went to a worst case scenario in my head. I know that he thought I would be happier with it but I just had that “what the fuck have I done?” thought in my head over and over again. That said, I do that a lot and recognized the behavior in me. Every single time I have made a major purchase, started a job, or the like, I go there. It’s almost like the day after Christmas in my head, BUT, I always get past it and am already there as I can start to feel the jewelry bounce a bit as I walk – it’s pretty cool.
Finally, to wrap this up tonight, a bit about me and Thumper. It was funny, but this afternoon we each expressed to each other, about the same time, that we didn’t really feel the need to write about the details of (as in feelings about) our relationship anymore – at least at this stage. I think the evolution you have all watched has reached the point that it’s simply that, our relationship. He and I may define it different ways on different days (usually depending on who last ejaculated when), but, as I think you can sense, we continue to click quite well on multiple levels in multiple ways and that is just the way it’s gonna stand.
Of course, that doesn’t mean we may not talk about the sex…
(and on that note, the only thing I will say right now, is that I have the absolute utmost respect for a bisexual tongue as that training the plain ole gay boys like me are just not privy to. F-U-C-K. WOW.).