The Revolving Evolving Axel

Another post from me so I guess you can tell that I am luckily in a bit of a down period with work with only one quick trip this week, one next week to see Thumper, and then the absolute insanity that is my life begins the next day. It starts with a 33 hour (multiple) plane ride that will begin about four months of literal globe hopping and calendar juggling. You know how you read about those people who have complete secret families that they manage to see regularly? I want to find one and ask how because they apparently have a way better assistant than I do.

Anyway, this is a post about Axel. Give or take a few nights for work, he and I have spent almost the last six weeks together in the same house and same bed. It’s been wonderful in many, many ways and has made me wonder if I took all the nights we had together in the days before I traveled weekly for granted. The answer is a fast and easy, yes, I most likely did because it was simply what is was and it was life. I do not say that in any way of regret about doing what I do now, mind you, but when people ask how we deal with me being gone so much AND having a boyfriend on the side, I simply state that when I am home, it’s “better” and the last few weeks have proven that beyond a shadow of a doubt.

While I have not written specifically about it, our sex has been consistently good but the healing I needed to have for the Prince Albert has limited the amount of kinky, slick, wet, dripping sex we could have (that’s for you Thump), however, there have been no complaints. My chastity status is now on the “honor system” as I am waiting on the Steelheart to arrive and there are days, like today, when that is really really testing my resolve. That said, Axel is really beginning to “own” the keyholder aspect of his new role and I see him being rather severe with it as time goes on. For instance, as of right now, I am not allowed to ejaculate until I am with Thumper next. I find that incredibly hot in many ways because he’s allowing me to mix my switch sides into one very precise moment and he is secure enough that he does not have to be there to know that I will appreciate it. What he doesn’t realize to the full degree is that this is also a huge test because of how Thumper feels about ejaculating men mere nano seconds after they shoot. So, if he did know this fact, he would really be expressing his dominant, almost sadistic side in knowing that while I might enjoy the ejaculation for a few seconds, I will not be allowed to thrive in the moment for fear that my ride to the airport will have just sneaked out the door (don’t write the rabbit folks, I am somewhat kidding) (and if he does know this, good for you Axel).

With me, I suspect he is holding back more discipline, tasks, and actions until the device arrives because that will be the day that the chapter officially starts in his mind. The really good thing is that he is really rolling toward full ownership of his Dom status and I am enjoying watching it evolve. On Saturday, when we were shopping at MAL, as he was picking out the paddle for me (and for me to use on Thumper) he had a gleam in his eyes that scared me in that really, really good way. I was proud of him at that moment and felt that sub voice in my head, and in my pants, react accordingly.

When we officially opened our marriage, Axel always thought he would be the first to find a regular “on the side friend” and was shocked when it was me who did so first (and on my first try)(I was shocked too though). Like the prettiest sister who marries last, that smarted with him a bit more than I realized, but he’s past it now and has begun his search at full mast, sometimes literally. For him, the game is a bit different because, unlike me, he is limited to one geographic area and has the added pressure of shopping in the market he frequents all the time, so the discretion aspect is always a danger. Ideally, I would like him to find a nice married, bisexual man who needs a little guidance because I surely didn’t get the only one in the sea (just the best).

While he does like this idea, he is also very attracted to the idea of finding a twenty or thirty something guy who is looking for a bit of mentoring, discipline, and help finding his way in life so he can truly embrace what I am calling an emerging Daddy side. I think that is fantastic and will really help him improve his confidence in leading me and making more decisions at home because he will be able to “practice” so to speak. That said, what he has found is lots of boys with names that start with the letter E who are either very scared of embracing this side of themselves or who are looking for a financial mentor too. Axel will not be one of those aside from occasional small gifts which Thumper and I already do as well, but I classify those very differently.

I am proud of his rotation and look very forward to seeing how this all evolves for him and for the side of me that will be locked into that metal tube.

Just more evolution.


  1. I have been reading along but have not been interacting much due to Life and whatnot, but I have sort of been storing up some thoughts and I’m going to attempt to organize them into semi-understandable, readable chunks.

    Starting here. 🙂

    Disclaimer: I am not advising or counseling or doing any other obnoxious “ing” type thing; I am just sharing, from my own experience. Because that’s kinda what this whole blogging thing is about.

    Reading your comments about Axel’s explorations and restrictions (geographically, professionally), and what you would like for him… I can relate to that.

    For me… My extramarital partner is long-distance. There are a lot of challenges that come with that, especially given the emotional aspects of the situation, but I *like* that (a) the world has gotten so small that I can connect with someone – on a myriad of levels – who otherwise would not be one of the fish in my sea, and (b) I don’t have to manage what is, to me, the “hard stuff” in terms of scheduling, because it takes a trip across the country to see him – not a trip to the next town. There are a lot of details that go into managing non-monogamy, and the closer all parties are (geographically as well as emotionally), the tougher that road is to navigate. Because somebody is always going to have to compromise. And while a bit of compromise can be ghost ealthy… Too much, too often can be soul-killing.

    My husband often says things like, “I wish you could find someone nearby,” and while I know he means well, it’s all I can do not to cringe.

    There’s also the not-so-small consideration of not shitting where you eat, to use a vulgarity for clarity. And I have imposed Rules That Will Be Followed when it comes to getting involved with anyone either of us works with, which – no joke – eliminates half the state.

    So given Axel’s need for geographic proximity, his need for caution/discretion is likely going to increase tenfold for every mile closer to your residence his future partner lives. Different playing fields is part of the challenge (what he’s looking for with his E-boys, as opposed to what you’re looking for with Thumper), but this is also a case where the home team definitely does NOT have the advantage.

    (Aaaaaannnd… Baseball finds it’s way into the conversation. Do I get extra credit for that? 😛 )

    And – just musing aloud here – I wonder if it will be a challenge for your husband to separate the counseling from the shepherding when it comes to exploring his D side. Or if he even wants to. There are, after all, all kinds of Daddy Doms. It will be an incredible journey regardless, of course. I just have my wheels turning over that one tonight. 🙂


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