So, just to start it off and put it out there, it’s been 15 days since I have ejaculated. I know that most of the men who have been into chastity for awhile read that sentence and muddle to themselves about the fucking newbie who thinks that two weeks is some sort of milestone or something similar. I get that because, to me, it’s like some newbie really excited about earning silver status on an airline. Fly ten times more than you did to earn that and then I will consider giving you the secret diamond handshake.
Now that we are all aware that I know that this time period is really not that special to the world, let me say that it is to me for various reasons. Frankly, I don’t think it’s the longest I have ever gone without an orgasm, but I do know that it IS the longest I have gone when I wanted to have one. Just as a refresher, Axel has stated that he does not want me to reach that point until the next time I see Thumper, which, mother nature and business partners cooperating, will be this upcoming Thursday evening and Friday. While I am not expecting to enjoy this release due to all the factors you already know, I am looking very forward to it as well because it will mean I have done something for Axel, which the idea of turns me on more and more each day.
Frankly, not coming has been good for me and I am really looking forward to actually having the custom device (versus self imposed will) when it arrives because I suspect the feelings of horniness and drive I am about to discuss will be intensified on a much grander scale.
That said, four lessons I learned this week are:
Lesson One – Horniness makes me cleaner.
Yes, this weekend has been spent cleaning out drawers, sending things to Goodwill, and scrubbing every inch of the master bathroom (even those little jet things in the tub) because I knew it would make Axel happy. I’m really not thinking that it’s sexual energy that is driving this, because I still want to just sit on the couch and write most times, but the desire to please him has intensified this week a great deal.
I know some of it is his new, stronger ownership of my penis, but part of me also thinks it was the experience we shared together last weekend at MAL when he got to meet and spend time with people like our new friends Griffin, his partner Captain, and his boyfriend CrógaPup. Axel got to see a different part of the world and feel very accepted and I suspect that has as much to do with his new willingness to be all owner-y with me much more than the fact that I have been walking around with a hard dick knowing I can’t touch it. Well, he does enjoy that too.
Lesson Two – Horniness is not about me.
I have willingly given Axel the control of my orgasms, therefore I really have no say in them anymore. I never really thought about this working two ways until a conversation with Thumper. See, one night last week, Axel and I had some amazing sex. He was all over me and I, in turn, was all over him, in him, and around him at various points in time. During all of this, he had been reminding me that I was not allowed to get close to coming because he had decided otherwise. This reminder, as it turns out, is evidently the trigger I will need should someone ever need my penis to assist them with hammering nails and/or cracking walnuts because, fuck, that was hot and I was as opposite of flaccid as one could be. This sexual adventure continued for almost two hours, when, he said that he had changed his mind and wanted to feel “me” all over him (I have told you how he likes that versus me who generally wants to keep clorox wipes on the nightstand just in case I am touched with it post orgasm). I did not know what to do when he said that because my thinking had to shift too fast. I had prepared for another week or two and was enjoying that idea, especially at that stage. I told him no, I wanted to wait. We didn’t think anything about it, and he came, I showered and he rolled over and went to sleep semi sticky (sheets washed the minute he got up, btw).
For the record, at that point, I was very proud of my resolve and the next morning relayed all of this to Thumper since we tend to both talk to each other about sex with our spouses (I tell him because he likes it, he tells me because it’s educational for me). He was neither excited about it or put off by it and just generally didn’t care and I chalked it up to the week he was having and/or the fact that he was doing the “you go six months and then we will talk thing” in his head. Life went on and last Friday afternoon we were talking and he said something like “you know, you gave Axel the control, and technically you didn’t have any right to say no to him. You can’t have it both ways.” He was in a store and had to quickly get off the phone, so we didn’t get to finish that talk, but it really hit me hard and I have thought about it ever since, even to the point of it being one of the first things Axel and I discussed when I got home.
I will consider that a newbie mistake, but nevertheless, it was a lesson learned.
Lesson Three – Horniness makes me think of lady parts
No, I am not about to come out as bisexual to you, but I have realized that with the increased level of sexual frustration, I have a new sexual appreciation for many different things. For instance, one evening last week, Thumper and I were going back and forth in a Twitter conversation with our blogger friend Ferns, who I have referenced here before. In our tweets, she made reference to “Thumper and I kissing while she stood in a corner furiously masturbating”. It made me laugh at the time and I didn’t think anything else about it until suddenly it was the only thing I could think about.
Me? Me? Thinking about that? WTF?
Of course, the bunny was there for me to run this by (because I suspected he’d enjoy me bringing that particular vision back to him) and he told me that I wasn’t going all straight, but that in the right mood, I might even think about having sex with a woman, not that there’s anything wrong with that, I needed to be open and let my mind go where it needed to go.
Let’s just say that, in the days that have passed, my mind has gone several new places since.
Lesson Four – Horniness will make Axel and I stronger
When I got home yesterday from a trip, Axel said, “I know this sounds unlike me and so sappy, but I had a horrible morning, but just knowing you would be here this afternoon made absolutely nothing bother me today because I was so excited”.
That floored me because, while I know this man is incredibly in love with me and our life, he is not one to express a great deal of emotion. It’s taken 18 years and I still have trouble sometimes knowing if he is excited about something. It’s a combination of a poker and therapy face that is just nuts, but, I can already tell he is enjoying the control he now has and I think, and hope, that gets more and more strong.
In many ways it’s like how I watched him embrace the open marriage concept. It was slow to start and now he’s buying my boyfriend presents and is genuinely both curious and excited about when I will see him next because he says he likes how I am when I come home. That’s cute in a way.
So, those are today’s four lessons. I’m sure there will be others. I hope.