So, day 16 or 17 for me, but none of that matters because it snowed in New York.
Did anyone else hear about that?
I live in a part of the country where we are sent home from work and schools close at a quarter of an inch of snow, so I really have no idea of the actual misery, but all day yesterday I found myself jealous of the newscasters and weathermen who had multiple upon multiple orgasms every time someone said the the words “blizzard” or “inches”. When CNN announced the first snowflake Monday morning, my cynical side was hooked and there is no going back to the land of respect for journalists this week.
It’s now almost 2:00 in the morning and I am up. The inherent horniness mentioned yesterday is still there and I know contributing to the state I am in, but tonight it’s simply the dog down the street who barks at air, our really fancy dishwasher downstairs that is so proud of itself when it finishes that it beeps every 10 minutes to tell you (if anyone knows anyone at Bosch, please ask them which wire to cut because there is not off switch) and, most importantly, Axel, who I can tell had a very stressful day today because he is counseling one of his clients out loud in his sleep about something that was/is very painful to her. He will go to sleep and then say something out loud in a sleepy, muddled voice like “why (name), what do you think that solves?” followed a few minutes later by the wonderful words “fuck”, “fuck”, “shit” – it’s like sleep counseling with a side of Tourette’s and I can’t just shake it off tonight.
Now, it’s 7:00am and, having fallen asleep while writing the above, I am now refreshed and pissed off at the same time. This week is my last week of relative peace as I am not traveling and working from home before the international part of my job kicks in starting Monday, so this gives me much more time to think and process which, may not be good. I say that because this morning when Axel left, I thought, “fuck, he did not mention one word to me last night or this morning about me being horny and not being allowed to touch myself. God damn, it’s like he just doesn’t even care.”
Even in my energized state, that caught my own attention as a red flag because that is not me and I do not think like that 99 percent of the time. In fact, while Thumper may argue, I am one of the least selfish people out there so I shocked myself. But, the very first thing that popped into my head following that was something like “fuck, Drew, go back to what you know and what you have said, what Thumper has said to you, and what he wrote yesterday…”
This. Is. Not. About. Me.
That is an incredibly hard concept to get and I want to ask those of you who have been in this situation when, and even if, that reality really just kicks in and becomes the law in your head? I know for a fact that I will likely struggle with that long term because of the nature of who I am outside this house and, maybe even more importantly, who I was before within it.
So, today, between conference calls and writing I have to do, I plan to do what I can to make Axel smile when he gets home. I know that will be clean sheets on the bed, a spruced up laundry room, and I will likely sneak up to his office and steal his car to go have it washed before bringing it back and parking it in the same place (fyi, that is about 80% for me because I cannot stand a dirty car).
I seriously doubt that this will lead to sex, or at least climaxing sex for me, when he gets home because he’s made it clear to me that he does intend to keep the goal of after when I am with Thumper next (T minus 50 something hours…) although I also have a sense, or maybe a hope, that he’s just fucking with me too.
I have another post in my head regarding the switch side of me and how I am actually using this for MY advantage when I am next breeding the bunny (to THOSE commenters, it just sounded good, in no way does that imply unsafe anything) as this energy will likely help him experience something new to us both.