Hello from the other side of the world.
It’s rather lonely on this side of the planet (despite it being the homeland of my favorite Domme, Ferns) as most everyone I love in the world is home sleeping to wake up to the day I am just ending. That is still one of the strangest things about this gig to me, to know that I really only share about seven hours of a day with Axel.
As you know, I have had the luxury of a travel break during the last six weeks, or at least long travel, and I had no idea how hard this trip would hit me physically and emotionally.
Physically, I think I caught some sort of stomach bug the day I left that, unfortunately, hit me about two hours before the long flight ended and stayed with me most of yesterday. I am no longer sick, but have been left with chills and zero appetite and nothing, not even my precious diet coke, tastes right. Even food smells funny. That, combined with general jet lag has been enough to just wipe me the fuck out
Actually, from every movie and tv show I have seen it sounds like I am pregnant. Oh. Shit. Could I…
Wait, my husband and I have not done anything that could cause that and my boyfriend is locked in a steel tube, so I guess that option is off the table. Fuck. I have always wanted to be on the cover of People and it looks like I am going to be foiled by Bruce Jenner yet again in life. I wonder what his new name will be?
Anyway, I did manage a full day working today and got a workout in, but just was zoned out completely. Tomorrow is packed again but I know it will be better and I will likely be eating my way through Australia before the weekend is over.
On the emotional side, or maybe the physical, I fucked up and jacked off this morning without permission. Since I am device-less for awhile, we are relying on me to have self control and, this morning, I had none. The funny thing is I was not actually very horny. I just wanted to do it so I did. I thought about the fact that I didn’t text Axel first and ask (he was awake at the time and I could have) but I didn’t really care either and thought this was something that I’d just not mention just like “the old days”. That feeling lasted until about 2.7 seconds after I came when I was then overcome with an emotional guilt like I have not had before. I had just used Axel’s penis without permission and that was not allowed. I almost wanted to go sit myself down in the corner but, well, you all know how I feel about having ejaculate on me, so that guilt was washed away by the need to shower. At that point, never once did I think I would not tell Axel, but I just figured I would wait until the right time or when I was home.
That lasted all of about three hours when, during the middle of a meeting I was in, I felt absolutely compelled to text him to tell him; however I thought I would soften the blow with a complaint about how bad I felt stomach wise first. It went like this.
First and foremost, I should tell you that when you are down under, evidently you hack off versus jack off, or at least that is what the iPhone thinks happens, but, I would assume that hacking is as forbidden as jacking, so I am still in trouble. This is my first offense, but, having given him the control, what happens now is not my decision. Perhaps he will forget.
In one way I think I am almost glad it happened and maybe deep down I was testing our new resolve, because when he and I take steps back from this new life, it’s usually because of a trip like this. So, we will see what happens in eleven days when I FINALLY get home.
In other news, have you all read the recent rabbit posts? He’s been on a roll and has some really good stuff posted, so check it out if you haven’t. He surprised me with something we aren’t talking about here yesterday when I landed and that, so far, has made my whole trip and will make future ones I know as well.
He and Axel both hate it when I say this, but one of the best things about these trips is the Facetime calls in the middle of my night and I always tell them to call and wake me up (however, I am usually up anyway). It’s a very “grounding” feeling and, while I evidently can’t explain it to anyone as to why, it just makes the days fun. I mean, who wouldn’t want to talk to either one while laying in bed naked?
Speaking of the two of them, they spoke today. Technically they instant messaged, but it was very funny because Axel messaged him and he thought it was me having just seen the last name and was, from what I hear, kinda an ass to him, or at least in Thumper’s mind (for the record, he’s not an ass to me, but having been inside each other we can say things like “hang on” or “busy” without issue). When he realized this it became Twitter fodder which I enjoyed because I suspect Miss Manner’s protocol would usually say that “when greeting your boyfriend’s husband for this first time, one should be polite”, so I knew the rabbit’s mind raced a few seconds. In reality, Axel thought NOTHING of it and told me that he told him that if he (Thumper) still felt bad, he’d send me up there on an unscheduled trip just to punish him (Thumpie, don’t you feel awful????? – hint hint).
It really was nothing but I tell you this to simply say, HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT? What a great reaction from Axel and this is just one more piece if the giant sea of okay that we swim in (for the record, we all knew this communication would take place as they are planning a very special birthday surprise for me during my birthday which coincides with my new bunny trip – wait, wait, I am projecting, the reality is that Thumper is an expert in an area that Axel needed some information in so it was silly for me to play the middle man).
Finally, it was pointed out to me that I don’t have text in the “about me” section (and that Thumper’s is out of date). So, to the arrogant ass who thought it was important enough to make that they only message they sent to me, thank you. We will get right on that.
So, from my balcony overlooking a shopping mall and a motorway I bid you adieu. I have an about me to do.