The Unexpected Threesome – The Husband, The Boyfriend, and My Best Friend

Happy International Male Chastity Day. I think that is the right greeting for that. Is it? Perhaps it’s Merry? Anyway, it doesn’t really matter and, from what I gather, it’s a rather nebulous day at this point – much like Valentine’s Day in my opinion.

I am feeling very disconnected from the kinky side of me this weekend and am trying desperately hard to get it back. I ran a few errands this morning and came home to a list from Axel and, well, I am just indifferent to it today. On any other day, it would have excited me to no end. I can blame jet lag, the incredibly cold day we have here today, or the fact that my entire world is in panic mode because what was supposed to be a half inch of snow tonight has now turned into the making of what they are saying could be a potentially devastating ice storm, with up to 1.5” of freezing rain followed by 2-3” of sleet and then snow. I tend to make fun of how people in my area deal with snow, but ice is different and I live under a lot of trees. So, let’s just say I have every device I own now plugged in somewhere charging.

The subject of this is another one of those general questions because I am wondering who, if anyone, in your muggle life knows about the side of you that is reading this blog and/or writing your own and how, if any, does that mix into your day to day? The question was sparked for me when last night Axel and I went out to dinner with my best friend, who we will now call Joe. You might recall that Joe, and one other bisexual female friend, know all about our open marriage, my boyfriend, and know most things about my sex life (with both Axel and Thump), although I don’t think I have ever really come out and spelled out the Dom and sub aspects of either in great detail.

That said, this has ever only been a topic that was discussed when Joe and I would be alone together at lunch or having drinks because it was, well, to be a frank, often a discussion about Thumper, the slut, and the things I had done to him and/or were planning to do to him when next we meet.That topic is almost always combined with what a great guy he is and how we have actually created a non romantic relationship around the sexual stuff and how we can admit to caring for each other without it feeling creepy and/or threatening. In fact, that side of this whole thing tends to fascinate Joe more than anything because, while I may call Thumper a slut just for the effect it has on him and me when his ass in way up in the air, Joe, is the true epitome of the word slut and, I suspect, might only know a few of his fuck buddies by their phone numbers versus their actual names.The two of us are equally, and genuinely, in awe of each other because while I can still use my hands to count the number of my lifetime sexual partners, I suspect Joe needs a calculator, perhaps even one of those with the extra side buttons. We don’t judge each other and, I think, each of us truly admire the other and our ability to be open and frank about these things.

So, back to my question and story, this has just been between me and Joe until last night while I drove us to dinner the three of us started joking a bit about Joe having recently had the flu and the sexual dry spell that had followed it. At that point, Axel turned around to the backseat and said something like, “Joe, can you believe Drew is actually having more sex than you right now? aren’t you proud of him for landing the hot boyfriend AND me (said in a joking way)?”

The awkward silence that followed was funny because I was rather shocked he said it and, I then quickly realized, that I may not have told Joe that I had told Axel he knew, or to what extent, because, even through the rear view mirror, the panicked look on Joe’s face was priceless wondering if he was about to witness what one day might be called the Epic Valentine’s Divorce. Being the ass I am, I let that go on for a few minutes before saying something to break the tension, but it amused me greatly <insert evil laugh here>.

Now, even knowing what he knows, Joe does not read this blog either, so, as far as I know, he and my female friend are the only two in my “regular life” who know this side of me.

Another reason I ask this is because, I am finding that fact a bit lonely, I think, because the more I accept myself as the whole picture, the less I feel engaged with those people who used to be my everyday world. I now find myself looking forward to checking in with this, Twitter, or Fetlife to see what is going on with my kinky friends who, most likely, I will never meet, although there are actually a few who I have and I just know I will continue to be friends with.

My rational side tells me that it’s just infatuation with the newness of my openness and, likely, that will settle, but I am not sure I am wanting it to. Or at least completely.

What this means for the big picture just yet, I don’t know, but it’s fun having open eyes knowing now that I don’t have to just settle for vanilla in the grand vision of life is rather nice and even the fact that I will likely add women into this side, as friends, is lovely as well.

It’s not nearly as scary as I thought it would have been.

So, how about you? How do you blend your worlds?

21 thoughts on “The Unexpected Threesome – The Husband, The Boyfriend, and My Best Friend

  1. I feel like I have something to say, but I am at a loss for how to articulate it at the moment.

    But when it comes to embracing your whole self, and trying to reconcile that wholeness in a way that manifests as “wholly open” in your everyday life… It’s a line that’s incredibly difficult to walk, because once the “This is Who I Am” self-acceptance takes root, it’s a line that becomes simultaneously frustrating in its indelibility and ghostly in its invisibility.

    Basically… I’ve been there. I *am* there, in some ways, still.

    And I have found that the friendships I’ve formed with people who have greater access to my Whole Self from the very beginning ~ people who, for example, meet me first through my blog and who *get it* that I’m not going to pretend to NOT be a sexual being ~ are people I value highly. It has been, at times, incredibly difficult to invest in the people who surround me on a daily basis. It helps when I remind myself that, while they don’t know The Real Me, I don’t *really* know them either. Nothing is ever what it seems.

    Rambling. It’s not just for breakfast anymore. 🙂

    Anywhoo…

    All that to say: You’re not alone.

    Like

    1. Thank you. As always you are spot on. I get exactly what you are saying about “once you know the whole self” thing. I think once that comes into view, no matter what it is, that makes a huge difference in how one begins to relate to the rest of the world. Period.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “I feel engaged with those people who used to be my everyday world. I now find myself looking forward to checking in with this, Twitter, or Fetlife to see what is going on with my kinky friends”

    First, I want to say, yup this is exactly it for me too. I have no real life human friends – or alien ones for that matter and my long time friends (like from elementary school) I still talk to and some others but only online. I don’t go out for girls night (I kinda wish), I don’t meet other couples for dinner, none of that. I just have online vanilla friends and online kinky friends.

    I have, in a way, blended my worlds with 3 of my long time friends but they don’t really know the full extent or read our blog. They probably wouldn’t expect anything less from me, I was always a sexual flirty person. I have become friends in and out of kink with a few people I met through chastityforums, fetlife or our blog. Some I will meet (can’t wait!) most I will not. However the mom’s I’ve met through autism groups or homeschool groups or medical condition groups have no clue what so ever – they think we’re are a nice normal family who goes to church and lives paycheck to paycheck.

    My worlds are beginning to blend a bit and so far the friends I’ve let in to our vanilla life have been outstandingly respectful and discreet and I think that’s awesome. I think that’s mostly happening because I am letting more people in my vanilla life from the kinky side rather than the other way around. I prefer that. Though the few friends (what I would call my best friends) probably would think nothing of it coming from me. It has been lonely but opening up a bit to a couple of friends is making that loneliness less.

    Anyway… no you aren’t alone… I suspect there are lots of us out there walking this fine line between kinky and vanilla.

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  3. I actually just finished writing a Journal Entry on Fet that slightly touches on the topic of not having that many people who I can really talk to about this aspect of my life. (https://fetlife.com/users/4021288/posts/2770479) I have one male friend who knows I’m in the lifestyle but between his job & his boyfriend, we don’t have a lot of time to talk about stuff that’s on my mind. He knows that I started a blog but he’s never looked at it. I’m not currently in a relationship, so there’s no one to “share the burden with”. I did mention to a couple close friends that I started a blog but I haven’t told them the name of it or where it is because I want it to stay private. I don’t mind if people in the lifestyle know about it because they don’t know my family or friends.

    There really isn’t any crossover between my muggle life & this life. My mom is a 77 year old widow & I’m an only child, so we are pretty close, but I can’t tell her much about this part of my life. I did vaguely tell her that I had started a blog but she has no idea what it’s really about or even what a blog is. I described it more like a chat room kind of thing. So when I meet up with my new friends to go out to eat, she thinks they are just local people who also participate in the chat room. I mean, how could I possibly explain to her that I actually want someone to spank me?!

    Regarding the weather, as I’m on the opposite end of the state from you, the predictions here have become a possibility of freezing rain followed by 3-5″ of sleet & snow accumulation. As you & I both know, we Southerners just don’t know how to handle this kind of weather. Thankfully, I don’t have anywhere that I need to be this week, so as long as my power stays on, I’ll be ok. I have a few trees around my house that I need to keep an eye on. Hopefully all of us will come out of this unscathed. Hope you & Axel stay safe & warm! 🙂

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    1. Stay warm and safe too! Not a drop has fallen from the sky here yet but it’s rather gloomy and you can see it on the horizon. Oddly, I’m not traveling this week so I will get to enjoy it (as long as we have power)

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Sometimes I think being an introvert is a blessing because it means that
    a) I really don’t get lonely (too busy avoiding socialising… heh) and
    b) my online friendships provide the outlet I need for contact and conversation

    I’ve rarely shared my private life (vanilla OR kinky) with anyone in RL which seems weird given I spill it all on my blog, right? I do wonder if this is in part because my first relationship was with another woman, so I just didn’t talk about it to anyone, and maybe that set the level of ‘sharing’ (i.e. none) for future personal things.

    I think the urge to share is strongest in the beginning when it’s all new and exciting and your life is changing, and you feel like you want people you know to share in and understand those changes, to *know* you (the ‘real’ you). My experience is that most people don’t care or it makes them uncomfortable to hear it because they don’t know what to do with that information, and sharing can be disappointing to you *because* they really don’t care (when you want to jump around going ‘but look, LOOK!!’ and have them squee with you). I did it exactly once. Most unsatisfying.

    And yes, the feeling does settle down: some people belong close and see all of you. For me, that’s my partner. Nobody else.

    Ferns

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  5. These are actually all really nice replies and I really like the fact that I am getting a bit more of a glimpse into everyone’s lives and motivations. That said, LM made a point that I have to agree with in that I have almost zero issue bringing my non-muggle friends into my muggle live versus the other way around. Of course, I guess that makes perfect sense because I would have no worries sharing the fact that I have a mortgage, family drama, or am generally pissed at people who drive Prius’ because I know that you all share those type things. That’s much easier than just showing my work colleague what a steelheart is, although one day I might.

    I want to clarify though that I am never lonely at all, except for the occasional long trip when the isolation makes it hard to stay in touch. In every test I have ever taken, I score as a solid introvert which surprises people because I am a paid extrovert which is just a side effect of being in the career field I am in. I have many social friends and work friends, but about 8-10 people who I consider to be in my inner circle. Each of these people know about 80% of me, some even know the kink side but not the family, etc, with just 2-3 knowing about 95%, Thumper, Joe, and Axel being those people. As for the other 5%, I feel that I learn more about that side every year myself, so I can’t expect anyone else to know it first.

    Thanks for the replies. Keep ’em coming!

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    1. It makes total sense to me that you would be an introvert.

      A couple of things that are commonly misunderstood when it comes to personality typing are (1) the percentages, and (2) the definitions, where social interaction is concerned.

      In the MBTI, everyone has a percentage score. Being 63% Introvert is often interpreted as “I’m an introvert.” When, in actuality, it means you lean more commonly toward the introverted end of the spectrum. However, a 63% Introvert is still extroverted 37% of the time. It really comes down to preferences, and an introvert *prefers* small group and one-on-one interactions. Those are the types of interactions that invigorate you the most. It does not mean introverts don’t excel in social settings or don’t enjoy larger group interactions. As a fellow introvert, I can say I don’t mind large groups, but unless I’m running the show, I find large group interactions to be exhausting. Which is why you’ll never find me at a Christmas party unless I’m hosting it, and I avoid weddings like the plague.

      From what you’ve said about your job, especially with the amount of travel involved, it’s well-suited to the introvert side of you. You have to spend a lot of time alone – even when you’re amongst people – and be able to recharge on your own. People whose “E” (extrovert) percentage is higher… It’s very difficult for them to thrive in that kind of situation.

      Sorry to be tangential. It’s just that MBTI typing is something I know a reasonable bit about, and “introvert” is a word people often assume means, “asocial.” That couldn’t be further from the truth.

      I’m an INFJ, by the way. Do you know your alphabet soup?

      Like

    1. Hahaha! I *knew* it! 😀

      The whole let-it-hang-in-uncomfortable-silence was a dead give-away, but the subsequent evil laugh was the clincher. 😛 (Combined, of course, with all the other details you’ve shared in recent weeks.)

      My S.O. is an INTJ. 🙂

      So, what’s *your* plan for taking over the world, hmmm? 😉

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      1. I really had no idea or had given it any thought that you and I are both the exact same category; however, now the fact that we can’t even choose where to have lunch without scanning all of our available ideas and options before weighing them against our current strategy just to plan for every conceivable contingency makes a great deal of sense.

        It also explains the kinky side and the fact we feel we need to categorize why we want to hurt and be hurt, in those really, really good ways of course.

        Probably says a lot about why we blog too.

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  6. I have shared with 2 girlfriend, my hairdresser and my waxing lady. They all were interested when it initially was discussed, asking questions etc. Funnily enough never mentioned again…so much for sharing. Now I want to take the test…where would I find that?
    Also my online kinky friends are very important to me …they are the something more I need!

    Like

      1. It’s interesting, I used to be very much about people, going out, lots of friends and hanging out partying etc. Once I met hubby (very much not social) I didn’t have to be that way anymore. Now, every time I’ve taken those tests I get very much smack dab in the middle of things. I’m one of those people who can be an introvert or extrovert. I’m a chameleon – at least that’s how I like to explain it. I can genuinely be what I need to be in whatever situation I need to be it in. None of it bothers me or anything.

        It is funny, I just took that test, Mrs Fever and it came out in the middle (don’t remember the letters now but it basically said “you could go one way or the other” and I looked at the career info. On there it lists the jobs good for my type and I’ve either had one of those jobs or have consistently been told (even recently) that I need to do the top one. That I find fascinating!

        Anyway, thanks for the discussion 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Some other commenters have decided that they needed to be punished for misspellings. Apple Spell isn’t your friend here — you meant “fazed” when you said “phased,” and one “he and I” should have been “him and me” in the paragraph about Thumper’s ass in the air. A spanking for each of those may be in order, and say “yes sir” as I order you to write an essay about them here!

    Like

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