Today I have been in a foul mood. Foul actually does not even begin to describe it.
In reality, aside from the sudden death a friend’s mother which really kinda killed me, the day wasn’t awful.
It was a travel day. Everything was on time and I got upgraded twice.
But, today, I found myself “unsettled”. I put that in quotes because it meant different things to me all day. I got mad at some people for no reason. Got my feelings hurt by others for nothing more than what they typically do. Picked fights with those I love. And irritated others by just doing and saying stupid things to them.
I am out of sorts in an odd, unsettled way. It’s hormonally similar to when I went through menopause (see past post), but not nearly as strong.
Then, tonight it hit me. I think it’s because I had an orgasm last night that was out of my control.
Meaning, I had waited almost three weeks for it and, it only happened because Axel both allowed it and caused it. If you read the last post, you know that he got me off my his hand which has never happened in 17 years. This was amazing in one sense that it could happen and, at the moment, was also amazing because I shot like never before.
However, in hindsight, that moment actually hurt a bit and I did not get to enjoy it really. Also, it happened without my input. All that time and I also didn’t feel the same “events” that my left hand and I have felt for 40 something years. It was an absolutely foreign experience in sensation. Plus, today I have that, “fuck, now we start over” in an all encompassing feeling.
So, I ask, is this something you have felt too? Thumper and I just didn’t connect today for me to ask this, which apparently hurt my feelings or pissed me off or made HIM mad at me or caused complete ambivalence – at least in how my mind was processing today. It was something along the lines the way that the flight attendant not taking my drink order was all about her hating me in my mind; however, tonight we briefly chatted and he thinks I am on to something. Hopefully we will talk talk in the next day or two, but, for lack of any better phrasing, it’s as if I feel less “manly” because my moment was controlled.
Yes, I know I want that. I know I need that. But, for those of you who have been there, am I off base with that?
Oddly, or perhaps out of mental compensation, I don’t know if I have ever been so horny. If I were with Axel now he’d be so serviced and pleased that he would be singing. If Thumper was here, there would be a steel tube shaped indention in the sheetrock of the hotel room wall.
Luckily I am somewhere where there is nobody pretty.
It’s a mental mess but not one I really want to change, just more understand and/or better protect myself for in advance next time.
So, for those of you who are in similar denied places, what are your thoughts?
Aww Drew sorry to hear this. Sounds to me like a little bit (or a lot bit) of “drop.”
I’m not the orgasm controlled but I have drop issues when I get that huge surge of serotonin and adrenaline and then I drop. I’ve been everything from just a little depressed feeling to a blubbering crying mess and completely on edge.
It definitely seems like that could be what’s going on with you. I worked it out with my phych to use my meds to head it off after an intense session or use them asap when I feel it.
Hope the feeling passes quickly for you. The post orgasm crabby boy is no fun.
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Our dynamic doesn’t have long term chastity involved, and I am not a man, so my experience is nearly 100 percent different, however I am orgasm controlled. The longest I’ve gone without orgasm or stimulation was 5 weeks while he was on a business trip… or maybe I was?
Regardless, I was irritable, sad, angry–moody. And I felt… sort of empty for a time too. I was ramped up and aroused for the majority of the time… but there were a few days in which I felt very not with it/not there. Low, if you will. Especially if he and I were out of contact because of our busy schedules. I whined a lot.
The eventual orgasm was mind blowing. I cried A LOT afterward. Catharsis and all that.
The feelings will pass. I hope they pass soon for you.
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I agree with Lady M’s comment about “drop”. I will experience it in rather pronounced ways, particularly with a longer denial period. I can get quite foul (or at least feel like I am). I can also get very withdrawn leave me alone don’t touch me don’t ask me anything. I have always attributed it to or maybe more accurately, blamed it on a couple of things. I relate it partly to the end of the achievement of making it for however many days/weeks. All of a sudden its only been a day or two and that’s no big deal and face it we kind of get off on knowing how long its been and on seeing others reaction to it. I had a suck buddy today go all wideeyed and deer in the headlights today when he found out it had been locked since day after new year’s and yep my dick strained just a little harder in the cb6k from his reaction. It can be almost a grief like reaction at the loss of that status. The other factor is the sudden spike and then equally sudden crash in the feel good hormones and endorphins released by orgasm. The spike is only intensified by not having one in however many days/weeks since last time you shot off. In my case being relocked/denied immediately after a single orgasm means the body realizes that its store of swimmers is gone and immediately goes into high production that triggers the supremely horny feeling and also amplifying the drop from the crash of the feel good hormones.
I’m going to bet the news of the passing of your friend’s mother messed with the feels as well, at least in adding a layer of melancholy to your mood in general making the drop seem even farther. Add to all that the “different” sensation and the out of your control aspects of the experience and im not surprised you feel unsettled.
If I recall you are just starting on the journey of the orgasmaticly controlled, you had a lot of things to twist your mind around all at once this go round. Take some time to process it, ask Axel to hold you while you sort it out/tremble/rock back and forth/service him- whatever helps…oh and cut yourself a bit of slack and give yourself the time to sort it out.
There are days you just wake up in a shit mood for no real reason then pile the swirling hormonal storm on top… look after yourself, a foul mood almost always passes.
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Thank you, Mutt. That is spot on and very very appreciated. I should have mentioned I left town this morning for five days, so I have to do this on my own. It’s funny, because when I do these type trips my friends don’t think about me, but when I go overseas, every friend assumes I am lonely and reaches out, so it’s just funny and maybe adds to these things because it’s lonely at times.
My friend’s mother did get me, but mostly because I can’t be there (although Axel moved his patients around and IS going). It was funny because I talked to her tonight and offered to come home and she was adamant, I mean adamant that I was not to even think about leaving because she thought I was with Thumper, not work. With work, she considered it for just a second. I fell in love with her a bit more just then.
Anyway, your words are wonderful advice and EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I owe you!
Plus, the swimmer’s building really does explain the sudden “urge”, I think.
A couple of other things, you may find as the cycle repeats, that you will find a point ( somewhere between 3 and half to 5 weeks for me) where the desire really levels out and you can get an almost zen calm and can come on almost over night. Some guys get it some don’t. If you settle into a regular or fairly regular pattern of denial and release you will likely notice a definite roller coaster effect of building horniness and desire, perhaps a plateau, then an amazing climax (as you discovered, perhaps different than you are used to but amazing none the less) a drop sometimes really pronounced and start over. Over a few cycles, you likely will find you can ride out the drop easier mostly because you look so forward to the anticipation of the wait.
And maybe a heads up…if you settle into a pattern of being re-confined after a single climax…the horny doesn’t get relieved- once just isn’t usually enough to do it so get used to being horned. 🙂 That pain from the intensity may or may not vanish from the experience, or may just become part of the whole body and mind wrenching experience to be accepted, tolerated, enjoyed, whatever you want/can do with it, at any rate it is not unusual, after a period of no climax followed by something so intense for everything to contract so hard it aches or outright hurts.
It can be a very intense ride, once you get used to it you will even miss it when you are left free and to your own amusement for any length of time.
Thank you again, Mutt. What you say makes a lot of sense and I actually had Axel read it as well so that he will know.
The “zen like state” you mention is something I think I have actually witnessed with Thumper, or at least talked to him about.
So, are you advocating an immediate re-lock or the chance for a second before re-locking to be more level?
My Lady and I noticed very early in our chastity/orgasm denial adventure that I show a change in mood after being granted an orgasm. Although my mood doesn’t normally include depression or grumpiness, it does change – I tend to get more reserved and introverted, according to ML.
We have learned to work against this, however, by acknowledging the problem and actively trying to do the opposite. So now, after ML gives me an orgasm, I will focus a lot of energy on being extra-lovey with her and shower her with lots of attention. It helps get my mind straight and balance my mood.
While I have not tested the extremes of duration others have, I can attest to my change in mood after a relatively long period of denial. In addition to my mood drop, if the terms or method of orgasm aren’t mine to take in for a controlled landing the sensation of orgasm can leave me feeling as if I only got a taste of what I’m used to. At times the first orgasm after a long wait can be so intense it is a little painful adding to the feeling of missed opportunity.
Mentally, after a long wait one orgasm leaves me with 80% of my horniness and a loss of about as much of my lusty desire to please. Without that lusty desire dominating my brain I instantly gravitate back to more self centered thoughts. I get agitated about my in-between state of frustrated horniness without a hormonal
driver. My physical and mental self are in complete conflict from desperately wanting a release and being addicted to the emotional and hormonal buzz. The two can’t co-exist.
The questions that come to mind are: How is the ideal balance between mental state and physical release achieved? Given the minds natural tendency to seek Increasingly intense sensations, which state is better for me and at what duration?
Regardless of all my pondering, I don’t choose. The Mrs has all the say so which is another topic altogether.
Thanks for the great Blog Drew!
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Mutt pretty much nailed all the things I was going to say. Orgasm after denial is heady stuff. Not to be trifled with. Lots of playing with brain chemistry that wasn’t necessarily designed to be played with that way. Not bad, necessarily, but worthy of respect.
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I feel a tremendous drop after I orgasm when we are “playing the game”. I do get grumpy and even feel a little depressed. While my orgasm is indeed very pleasurable, the 6 seconds of orgasmic pleasure don’t seem “worth” the price of the submission drop FROM MY PERSPECTIVE. That is to say, I get such an intense satisfaction from being teased and denied and giving pleasure to my wife that my own preference would be to forego my orgasm most of the time. It’s weird for me as a horny male to say this, but in aggregate I get more pleasure from the journey than the destination.
I don’t really know what you can do to counteract this, frankly.