Dating a Straight Like Man – Part One

It was a simple statement that told the whole story.

“My wife says I need to take you out to dinner tomorrow when you are in town,” said Thumper.

While there had been past signs such as “I couldn’t wait to get rid of him,” this was my clear signal that yes, I am dating a straightish man without a sappy bone in his body.

As I have said before, dating a married bisexual man is different, very enlightening, and quite exciting. Since they come in many varieties and flavors, I was very lucky as my particular bisexual came with all the working parts I wanted in a straightish man – a deep voice, a nice body, great hands, a lovely ass, an incredible bisexual bunny tongue, AND sparkling steel enclosed genitals. Jackpot.

In addition, he is wicked smart, funny, kinky as fuck, a good tipper, and looks great in his porn star sunglasses.

But, when it comes to that sweet, romantic-esque side, well, let’s just say that the rabbit doesn’t earn all of his carrots. It’s not all bad though because it’s what we both signed up for and, as a plus, the good news is that now I finally understand all those Sex in the City episodes about “men”.

Poor Charlotte.

In all seriousness, this is meant as a light hearted post after a long conversation with Thumper this morning where I teased him about being grumpy all last week and not even acknowledging that I had arrived at my destination after a 33 hour trip. His response, was, “well, that’s what you get for dating a straightish man. Aaaaand, and you checked in on Facebook so I knew you were alive” and we had a good laugh while I pretended to not notice that I had, once again become the high school girl in this relationship.

It’s funny, because, as you know, I have always dated men and when you are a man who dates other men who also only exclusively date other men, the traditional roles of 1950 dating tends to go out the window. In my youth I dated a giant football player who would bring a flower to every date, just because, and then once dated a stock broker who would say things like “today is the 16th Wednesday we have seen each other in a row”. It’s funny because, in that day at time and most likely even now, those things irritated the shit out of me, but, I also really dug them in some ways. It’s the unexpected and the unconventional that in gay dating is what is interesting because there are no traditional male/female expectations. I am finding now, that even as enlightened as my particular bisexual is, he does have a bit of Ward Cleaver in him and I am learning to just adjust and go with the flow because the lack of sweetness does not indicate a lack of affection, I am learning.

All that to say, this truly is in jest because I know that if I needed him to be that overly caring bunny he would be and I know that if I really needed something he’d jump to do it, but it’s just not the natural side of how our friendship has evolved. In fact, in almost all of my relationships, by that I mean close friendships, I am now and have always been the high school girl because that is just who I am. I pick up random gifts when I travel, I text to say hello, and I leave Axel notes under his pillow when I leave town because I know he will find them at just the right time when he is naked and crawling into bed. That’s just me, and, in reverse, Thumper knew what type of gay he was getting when he signed the boyfriend agreement form too, so he knew he’d have to pretend to care about stupid stories and make phone calls or videos more often. It was and is just what it is.

I make no apologies for being a sappy guy and tend to believe that is who and what my friends expect from me because, I suspect, they might understand that it’s a role I enjoy and one that allows me to escape from being the professional bastard I often have to be, especially when on this side of the world. To his credit, the rabbit understands that when I am here and goes out of his way at times to be more in touch, more understanding about my work, and sympathetic to how it feels to often be the only one on Facebook awake at that particular hour.

I realized this was fully realized on his part when we were comparing calendars and he said “Fuck, you are going to be in Australia when I am in the islands. Shit, you are going to be lonely and out of your element – ha, that will be really funny and shitty for you, huh?”

I swooned.

Again, this is meant as nothing more than a glimpse into our day to day with a side of humor because this doesn’t really bother me, because I wanted a man who was straight enough to show me that side of the world yet who had just enough gay in him to spontaneously break out into Ethel Merman songs every now and then (yes, Thumpie, I just outed you). Plus, as we have discussed for almost half a year now (yes, Thumper, we met in October 2014), our minds and our genitals fit together nicely and that’s all that really matters in the scheme of things.

As I know the question is going to come up, while he and I aren’t dating dating, we kinda sorta are since we do things together for fun and have a good time outside of sex. We discussed this word and could not think of a better word, so dating it is. It really just fits and is much easier than saying “hanging out and spending time together with my friend who is more than a friend but no where near my spouse,” so “dating” is just easier and does, indeed, indicate a constant getting to know each other which we are continually doing.

Finally, since it’s become apparent that these things just don’t happen, let me go on record by closing with the following:

Thumper, when you go to the islands remember it would be nice if you got me a T-shirt from that place we talked about. I wear an XL, like you. Also, when we see each other on the dates that are blocked in your calendar two weeks after your return (please go check now to make sure you blocked them), remember to bring it. I will have something for you as well so start practicing your thankful face now. Drew.

31 thoughts on “Dating a Straight Like Man – Part One

  1. “Fuck, you are going to be in Australia when I am in the islands. Shit, you are going to be lonely and out of your element – ha, that will be really funny and shitty for you, huh?”

    That is NOT what I said…though it captures the spirit.

    I am dating a straightish man without a sappy bone in his body.

    I do have sappy bones, just not for the men in my life, apparently. Hi, bisexual/non-biromantic.

    …spontaneously break out into Ethel Merman songs…

    I know one line from one song and when it’s appropriate to break out. I’m not banging out showtunes or anything.

    …it would be nice if you got me a T-shirt from that place we talked about.

    Um…what place? We talked about it? Huh?

    Aaaand, scene.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hah. Captured the spirit indeed.

      And, yes, you do have a sappy bone, I have seen it, but the point in mine is bigger.

      It may be one line but the vigor it comes with is amazing.

      And, yes, we did talk about this particular leggy place. I knew you’d forget.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Snake is 100% straight and breaks into Broadway tunes on a daily basis. In fact, I bet he knows the entire Rent musical, script and songs, by heart. 🙂 Probably several others as well. But when we first got married, a co-worker had a baby and I got a call that said, “She had the baby and they are good.” Me: Did she have a boy or a girl? What’s the name? How big? And Snake’s response? No idea. Should I ask?

    He now gives me all of the facts the first time. And he is definitely one to write notes and bring flowers, just because. I have no idea where he got it (not from his father, for sure) but it is pretty wonderful.

    All of that to say, not a straight thing. Just a wiring thing. Lol.

    Like

      1. Thank you SSCharmer. I know it’s a wiring thing because I have plenty of gay friends who would be the same way about a baby and have never remembered an important date to save their life. It’s just them.

        This was really just an attempt to lighten things up a bit and get grumpy Thumper to go away for awhile (plus I want that T-shirt really bad). Regarding the musicals, I have to say I probably sing something from one of them at least a few of the five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes in a year.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. This is cute and I would have enjoyed it but just can’t get past what reading something like this might do to your “husband” and Thumper’s wife. You should really consider their feelings when making lite of dating, romance, and anything that implies you are more than just sex friends, which is the truth.

    Like

    1. You should perhaps consider making assumptions about the people (all four of them) that are apparently more than satisfied with this arrangement and the terms used.

      Also, I do believe that you meant “light” and not “lite.” Lite is primarily used in the commercial industry and is not an acceptable variant of the word light.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I love Broadway musicals! I know quite a few by heart and occasionally break out in “76 Trombones” or something else. My wife hates musicals and opera. I drag her to both. It’s my dominant side coming out. My wife says I am very “sweet”. When I attempted to disagree, she said, “You’re only sweet to me.” Oh well.

    By the way, I’m straight.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You two crazy fellas seriously make me chuckle.

    Nothing wrong with show tunes Thumper – embrace it! 😂😂

    Drew I love that you outed him for the things you have! #theatrebunny

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh Kitten, it really is just one line from one song but it makes me laugh every time I think about it, so I included it. I laugh because Thumper and I can talk about really intimate things in really intimate places without any response and one mention of a showtune and we’ve all gone nuts 🙂

      That said, I do like the #theatrebunny hashtag…

      Like

  6. “I had, once again become the high school girl in this relationship.”

    This is adorable *laugh*.

    I have a term for what I like in terms of sappy attentioning: puppying. Where he’s all underfoot and tail-waggy and affectionate and ‘what sweet things can I do noooowww’ and all that.

    So yeah, straight men who puppy at me: yes please.

    But if they expect me to reciprocate: yeah, nup. That’s not how it works.

    Ferns

    Liked by 4 people

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