Zero Regrets

Greetings from the SkyTeam Lounge at Sydney International Airport. I AM GOING HOME!!!! I am very excited. It’s been a very emotional trip on many levels so I thought I would post before I leave, just because.

First, this will always be the trip where Drew fell in love with Ferns. She is just one of the loveliest people and I leave here feeling honored that I had the privilege to spend time with her.

Second, over the last week Axel and I have spend significant time discussing how we want to structure our D/s relationship, how and what will apply, and his rules for chastity when I am not with Thumper. As an FYI, the device is ready and waiting, but since the bunny ordered it for me it got sent to the bunny where it is currently sitting at a post office while he suns on an island. It’s just funny how the timing worked out, but in a way this is good because he can inspect it for me and just give it to me when I see him in two weeks (YAY). I have not talked to Axel about what I can and cannot put out in public, so out of respect for him I will wait, but this will be a topic that I will be addressing soon. I sit here smiling knowing that our relationship is stronger than it has ever been and that the open marriage concept is working.

Along those lines, while Thumper and I have not communicated as much as typical when I am down under, what we have had has been to the point and very nice. I have enjoyed seeing him in a different world for a bit and seeing the relaxed side of him, although I think I speak for all of Twitter when I say “you have been missed”.

Finally, the biggest thing of the week was a surprise because I was offered a very, very nice job here this week. When it was apparent it would happen, I was very lucky that I was able to get Thumper when he had a minute to ask advice, because I would have panicked Axel and this is not his area of expertise. As my friend, Thumper was very guarded and told me to follow my heart (basically – although he’d never use that phrase). When it did come, I was not prepared for it to be asked the way it was and was very shocked by the package that was being offered. It was extremely flattering, extremely; however, I turned it down immediately because of my family and Axel and thought that would be the end of it. In fact, I was so sure that was the case that I FaceTimed Axel at work yesterday, April 1st in the states, and said “Sweetie, I just accepted a job in Australia, you okay with that?”thinking we’d laugh and laugh. Well, wifi is not the strongest in this country and as I was waiting for him to laugh wondering why it was so silent, I realized that the signal had been lost and I had just played the worst April 1st joke ever.

I suspect I will be beaten when I get home for that.

So, I thought it was over and then it wasn’t. Last night I got a call requesting my presence at a dinner with “the big guy” and I soon found myself in a giant Mercedes being sped across the Harbour Bridge to a wonderful dinner and a great night where it was asked again, increased to a point of professional pride for me and I sat there bewildered for a minute before looking him in the eye and saying “No thank you, Sir”.

In my head, I wanted to say something like “Fuck, fuck, thank you and wow, but seriously? NOW? I have reached a point in life where Axel and I are wonderful, I have accepted my kinks, I have a great deal of freedom, AND I have a wickedly great boyfriend with an amazing wife who lets him play with me and IT’S ALL WORKING GREAT. Why are you tempting me now????  Don’t you read my twitter??”

Of course, I smiled and was gracious and from there I had one of the best dinners along with confirmation that I will continue to come back here in the role I am in now every two months for the foreseeable future and that just made me happy. When I got back, Axel was still asleep but luckily Thumper was up and I ran the evening by him and, in the Thumperest of Thumper ways, he said something like “Fuck, that’s a lot, are you sure? have you thought this through?” while also letting me know that he was impressed by this FOR me, which made me happy because I like the two men I have sex with to be proud of me. HA.

When Axel woke up he and I went through it again, and, I so love that man, because he told me immediately he’d change his whole world for me if I wanted to come here, and THAT, told me more than I ever thought possible and sealed the absolute no in my head with zero, zero regrets.

So, now I sit here happy, sustained, and at peace (aside from this back issue) having realized that I have a fucking wonderful life and I am so so happy to have the people in it that I do.

See you in about 17 hours when I land in Los Angeles.

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