This weekend was a bad weekend for my D/s world mostly because my muggle world took over and, if you follow the blog, it took over with a vengeance that in hindsight is now almost comical. So, weekend over, I am now sitting on the first of two flights that will get me to my northeastern destination today for a very busy day tomorrow. However, the busy day will be worth it as it will actually get me back home on a Tuesday night for two rare midweek nights at home before I get to go see the rabbit later in the week. I’m excited about seeing him this time more than most simply because it’s just been too long (longer than typical visits simply due to calendar issues) and the connection, the friendship, and, to be all zen-like here, the positive energy he adds to a room is just contagious, and I need a bit of that in my world right now.
Oh, and the sex. The (hopeful) dirty, sweaty, steel laden, wet, fun, exciting sex part. Did I forget to mention that?
Silly me, yeah, I like that part too <he says with a wicked, wicked grin>.
Over the weekend, I got several of those horrid commenter comments about how awful I was for turning Thumper gay and possibly doing the same to my friend Happa. I think the writer was very confused by the recent news about Obama banning conversion therapy thinking I was at fault, but those are the kind of stupid posts from stupid people I can have fun with and laugh at because, well, they are stupid. I’m not sure that even if I could wave my alleged magic fairy-fairy wand that, at least in my head, showers the receiver with glitter, I’d actually use it to stop those because they amuse me. We all know, especially from the pictures, that Thumper was pretty far along the bisexual biway long before my magic wand entered the picture. Also, for the record, that was the absolute last time I will even insinuate that my penis is a magic wand because I actually find that creepy and am already keenly aware of whatever talents it may or may not possess.
However, mixed within those hate filled messages that were posted here and on Denying Thumper, I received an email or two directly from the same guy following up on a post Thumper posted Saturday about his health and the care that he received when seeking it. The physician he saw basically said that since he was bisexual and sexually active, he must have had an STD and sent him on his way with some antibiotics and that was that (I am very much summarizing, so please go there to read it if you have not).
What bothered, offended, and saddened me about these notes was that the assumption that I, a gay man, would be a disease ridden whore because, well, the implication was that’s just what gay men are. This makes me grieve for the children possibly being raised by people who think like that and, again, worry me because the writer knew enough about me and Thumper to have read us, which means they likely have some sort of kink or fetish interest themselves. How this is possible that they can be so out of the loop about certain basic things like this and other just day to day issues like gay marriage (he was another one who listed me as “married” with quotation marks) (fuck him) yet still be readers of blogs like these? That just absolutely astonishes me.
But, while I think these are isolated cases, I am still amazed at the way people project their insecurities about bisexuality, open marriage, homosexuality, people who wear white after Labor Day, domination and submission, or anything someone may be doing toward something or someone else. In this case, the four of us involved in this awesome open quadrangle that is working with nary a hiccup seem to really bug the fuck out of some people because I think some wish us failure, just because.
That said, the basic human nature to project yourself into something or on to someone else should not surprise me because when I started making it more public – in my online life at least – that my husband had given me permission to go outside and play, I started getting lots of questions from nosy, or maybe just interested parties, about why I was not “whoring around”. Why didn’t I take this new freedom and run to a bar, invite strangers to my hotel room, or worse, just rub up against strangers in airports? I have often been amused by questions like these because I realized very quickly that they were generally coming from people who were, at least in their opinion, locked down into a relationship and they were simply projecting their fantasies on to me and my freedom.
It wasn’t a new concept really because with my job and travel being what it is, my muggle and non-muggle friends often just can’t fathom why every night after work I am not out exploring local pubs or running to museums on my lunch break, etc. It’s back to that “we all tend to want what we don’t have mentality” and I am as guilty as every one of those people in feeling that way about certain things at certain times, so that’s really just human nature. It’s not hard for me to believe that my friends who are home with two sick kids wish they were with me in Sydney or in Shanghai presumably living it up (especially since I most often cannot discuss what it is I do) but I also bet they have no idea that on many of those nights I would kill to be home with a kid with a sniffle or two. It’s just how the world works.
However, projections of hate and insecurities make no sense to me and, while I will deal with them as they come, I hope I never get used to them. I know many of my fellow bloggers have their own crazy fans, so maybe we should just start feeling special when they “pray for us” or damn us for being actively normal adults with healthy sex and home lives? I for one think that would piss them off more than anything and, at the end of the day, isn’t that what we really want?