Did I mention I bought a new car?
Thumper has given me shit about it since I got it, but I love German cars, BMW’s specifically, but in this case I do fear, just a tad, that the M stands for midlife crisis more so than the intended performance aspect. But I don’t care because I love it and the air-conditioned seats keep my ass cool, so all is good.
Anyway. While this sounds silly and trivial, I want to put one sticker on the back window just to make it mine. I am not one for more than one sticker and NEVER on the paint, but I drive so many rental cars that I like seeing something on my actual one I pay the money for that identifies it as mine.
So, earlier this afternoon before I headed to the airport where I now sit, I sent Thumper a pic of the ass of my car asking his perspective on placement and product. I am sure even the most dimwitted among us have picked up on the fact that Thumper “has an eye” and placement, lighting, and symmetry is something he looks for when he looks at most things in the world. For example, I could probably whip him with a belt for an hour and it would not bother him nearly as much as it would if I didn’t buckle each wrist cuff in the same direction (the sadist in me has taken note, trust me).
He came back with a place and a size and sent me shopping and said something like, “you know, the equal rights sticker would look good there. It’s what I have on my ____”. I immediately came back and said, “no, can’t do it, can’t, can’t can’t” before even thinking about it. And, it was at that moment I realized that a bit of 25 year old homophobic Drew still existed, which scared me a bit. He came back with “that’s stupid” or something equally right, but I wasn’t proud of myself at that moment and, I suspect, neither was he if he even thought about it.
Now, none of this makes sense unless you know that in my 20’s, that was the height of the rainbow flag on back window rage and most of the people one would see with that on their car, at least where I live, were either really flaming men or really butch women. I used to think that the world has no business knowing what went on in my bedroom based on my bumper and stood firm on that. In fact, I once broke up with a guy because he had a huge sticker on his car and I didn’t want people seeing us in it. I was that shallow. Of course, to be fair, he also had a hideous watch and that was reason alone to dump him. Yes, I could get even more shallow.
Fast forward a few years and the equal rights equal sign sticker from the HRC became popular. I have one from every year as I support the organization, but never had the desire to put one on my car. It was helped because, at the time, neither Axel or I had the type of career where we could be out so I didn’t factor in and we just kept everything political to ourselves.
Now, however many years later, neither of us have a career we have to hide our life from, we are legally married, we actually even have the same new last name AND I blog about our sex lives – so there is nothing we are hiding from, but when Thumper said that, for whatever reason, my mind and I went back into hiding. I have no idea why, but I felt I needed to process it a bit too.
For the record, I think the HRC sticker on cars of straight or even straight-ish men or women just makes me so happy and, in Thumper’s case, turns me on a bit because there is something ultimately sexy about someone who can and will support the causes they believe in, even when it does not directly apply to them in such a direct manner like their own marriages. However, for me, it’s like I think everyone will point at me saying “there’s a homosexual in that car” if I did it on mine – which, I don’t understand why that even matters to me as, we all know from the above and through many many other things, it’s not hard to point a gay stick at me and strike a rainbow.
Nothing is going to be solved here aside from me pointing out my double standard to myself and working on it. I suspect, later in the week Thumper will probably give me another one just to watch my reaction, but, for the record, I am not saying it won’t go on there either.
But, I will think about it.
Fucking leftover stupid fears.