Last night, I tweeted this:
It’s been on my mind, kinda sorta, since I tweeted it because it was just another one of those funny moments that happens when you are part of a foursome like we are and I like to share such things.
In contrary to that, I have also been thinking that I needed to shut up about being happy because the blogs are getting a bit pollyanna-ish and that is also not me all the time because, frankly, right now, my job sucks big time (nothing major just one of those mid year revenue is down panic type of things), Axel’s schedule is crazy to the point that he’s exhausted, gaining weight, and generally just too tired to play with me and we have a lot of additional pressure happening in the muggle world with some medical things with both sets of parents. However, I continue to smile because I am happy that life has dealt me the cards it has and those things are trivial in the long run.
Relationships, friendships, and open communication are the things that I thrive on, so fuck those muggle things as I can already see the clouds breaking for them. It’s funny, I love it when those things are working, when Axel smiles at me, when I get called a boyfriend, or when I get a happy comment on one of the posts. Those are what I am quickly finding are the things for focus, not the other bullshit stuff that is just what life is.
That said, Thumper got a comment on his latest post that he shared with me but has not approved for his blog yet. I am assuming that is because he will likely write about it or that it made him mad to a point that he doesn’t want it out there, but it was just funny because, however it was intended, it made it sound like the world has an over/under type thing going on about how many times I can see the rabbit before the relationship we have explodes into glittery gay flames. Maybe it’s just that this is so unusual to people that they can’t comprehend it, or maybe it’s the gay thing (because this lad had a remarkable way of describing me), or perhaps it’s just a protective move over Thumper because, in many cases, he is and has been a blogging God to many readers for so many years.
I don’t know, but I have a new theory.
Axel and I talked about it last night and I actually now think the thing that is the hardest for most people to comprehend is the absolute 100 percent faith, trust, and allowances that our spouses allow us to have because that kind of freedom is very scary and something that many may dream of, but may not be able to handle when they are granted it, if they are granted it in whatever form or format that may take.
I know this is just a theory, but I have one friend who is required to copy his husband on all communications he has with any friend who has the “kinky box” checked beside his or her name. That works for them, but I have told him this so I feel it’s okay to say here, that I am often very uncomfortable having a monitor at times when we communicate because I have never made a friendship with a chaperone because I really like him and sometimes just want his opinion on things, but I don’t ask because I don’t know his husband. I have another friend, who is bisexual who has to hide any and all communication with men, women, or anything outside of the vanilla world by having two cell phones, one that he cannot even charge at home and has to pay for with a friend’s credit card, because she likes to read everything he has on his phone and goes into insanely jealous rages if she has seen his twitter likes or, god forbid, him reading blogs such as this or Thumper. However, to another extreme, I have two friends, or rather friends of friends, who are so open that I am surprised the neighbors don’t wonder if they are running a brothel because they literally have two extra parking spaces reserved at their building for their tricks who often times they pass each other in the house. The funny thing is, even with that level of openness, they have a “don’t ask don’t tell policy” and almost pretend that their naked boys have not been in the house all day when they sit down at dinner at night together. I am not judging, but I find that especially odd because it just proves that even in the absolutely most open of relationships, there seems to still be communicative issues. These are not mine to solve, but I just thought about them and added them to my theory box.
So, to circle back here, I am not judging any of the above friends, but those things just make me think that it’s less about me and Thumper, and more about me and Axel, Thumper and Belle, and even Belle and Axel because it’s apparently much harder to understand being wide open emotionally and having blanket trust than it is where one puts one’s penis or even if one’s penis is allowed to come out and play. In many ways, I almost hope that is the reason for the “betting pool of relationship doom” aimed at he and I because I can understand it much more than I can bigotry and intolerance.
What do you guys think?
Finally, if you are in the betting pool, spoiler alert, next month Thumper and I go away for a weekend – ba da bum (read the following with the soap opera voice in your head)
Will Belle survive the loneliness Will Axel have sex with strangers in retaliation? Will Thumper and Drew do naked things? Will Twitter be able to handle us in a new place? Will Thumper be able to wear chastity in another city? Will his chastity device color matter?
These, and many other questions, will be answered in the days that follow.
Da da da dum.
I think that many want the kind of openness you four share but are too afraid, or too insecure, to be able to do it themselves. They want what you have and because they can’t have it they stomp on it, take every opportunity to denounce you for something, anything, that may be outside their safe little way of viewing the world. They may fantasize or wish they could have such a relationship, or they could be having their own something on the side but hiding it because for some reason society seems to think hiding and lying about such things are better than being open and honest about them.
Another thing to consider, which took me a while to realize, is that because you are open and honest about things they believe you are still hiding even more degenerative and terrible because nobody can be completely honest. If this is what you are willing to cop to, what are the things you are still keeping hidden behind that closet door? Most people hide parts of themselves. I understand this. The problem is that all of us don’t hide or keep secrets and the people who do can not accept that we don’t.
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Do you think that because your readers only read your and Thumpers side that they don’t believe that Axel and Belle are comfortable in the relationship you all have? That because it is outside the ‘norm’ or what they have experienced it will end badly? If so that is just so sad. The relationship you all have with each other, and the level of trust you have built up, should bring hope that when you find the right people / person and it all fits enjoy it. Life is too short. And after reading your and Thumper’s blogs for only a short time I have got the clear impression that if Axel or Belle had an issue with anything they would let you know. Both your blogs show that accepting what you need, communication, physical and emotional support are what keeps relationships strong even in rocky times.
Enjoying your weekend I can’t wait to hear about it.
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I don’t know about Axel, but I’ve definitely gotten the idea from some that they think I’m holding Belle hostage to this arrangement. It’s perplexing.
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Being in a poly situation that bears many similarities to yours, I have been subjected to the sidelong glances, and sometimes outright stares, of people who bear ill will for reasons known only to them. I feel this (let’s call it what it is, shall we?) prejudice toward nonmonogamy is due to ignorance.
Society says one partner at a time. Period. Any relationship that doesn’t work that way is seen as atypical, amoral, and/or an anathema. Oh, and by the way, you must be cheating because no spouse/partner is going to knowingly allow that sort of thing to go on.
It’s frustrating as hell.
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Speaking from the perspective of a heterosexual monogamous relationship, I see it as much more of an issue with people’s own relationships than with yours. Our type of relationship works for Snake and me. It fits within our personalities and we would each feel uncomfortable bringing another person into our lives. We’ve been together for 33 years and we know who we are and what we want.
That said, I think the relationships between all four of you is amazing. You each bring something to the mix. The relationship between you and Thumper doesn’t take away from your marriages. It allows you to explore another side of yourselves and enhances, doesn’t detract from, your marriages. Reading the two blogs about how the two of you live just makes me happy that you found each other and things are working. We learn and grow from your blogs by enhancing our own communications–we constantly talk about experiences and ideas from other people’s blogs.
The difference I think is that I’m extremely secure in my own relationship and life. I don’t feel like I’m “missing out” on something and need to bring other people down as a result. There is no way that you, or frankly I, will ever be okay in the eyes of people who aren’t happy in their own lives. Snake and I are too kinky. So what? They don’t need to watch and they also don’t need to read our blog or yours or Thumper’s. They are reading them to feel smug in our wrongness. They are looking to judge. We can’t help them. They have to help themselves. They are free to live as they want, but we should be too.
Life is life. We all have stuff that is annoying and frustrating and wonderful. It’s the little pieces of happiness that make the rest unimportant in the long run.
Can’t wait to hear about your weekend! 🙂
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Before meeting Mrs. Lion, I enjoyed and sometimes hated, different relationship permutations. Some of them were clearly mistakes and others enormous fun but unsustainable for me. My favorite unstable relationship was a triad with two women who, prior to me, were in a long term lesbian relationship. It was wonderful but didn’t last due to one of the women feeling threatened.
I think that a great deal of the negative reactions and expressed “concern” for your spouses comes from the commentor’s fear of being left out. Mrs. Lion and I are monogamous. We are out of choice. We are both more comfortable this way. But that doesn’t mean you have to do what we do. Based on our limited communication and your blogs, each of you (including Belle and Axel) provide one another with unique benefits. There is no reason for anyone to feel jealous or frightened.
I think fear drives most of the negative comments. Many people are afraid of anything that is different from what they know and do. For example, why would anyone go to the trouble to write a public comment lamenting that Belle and Axel must be hurt by your relationship with Thunper. What an amazing assumption! My assumption is that they are either enthusiastic supporters of your activities, or at worst, largely indifferent.
The point is that you have filled in some of the missing colors in each other’s paint-by-numbers sexual canvas. That’s cool. You have also made a new friend completely outside of the sex. I’m a little jealous of that. I think you would make a fantastic friend..
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… you have filled in some of the missing colors in each other’s paint-by-numbers sexual canvas.
What a delightful analogy!
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I think..most are jealous of your open honest communication and relationships…. I know I am.
Having said that my jealous is not nasty in any sense…. I just want the same…
So maybe it’s more envy for me.. I think it’s amazing …four people who are all so confident in their relationships.. I know I need more and have spoken to my man…he thinks he will lose me.
Anyway… Enjoy your fabulous relationships… I look forward to your weekend away 🙂
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The four of you are most definately on the bleeding edge of progressively open relationships and in the best of ways.
There’s no substitute for experiencing something by actually living it; defining the content and context through every action, word and emotion.
Most of us reading Drewduality and DenyingThumper are knowledgeable and curious enough about progressive relationships to be drawn to your blogs because they represent real effort, genuine vulnerability with the belief that there is a huge payoff for the effort.
For those who follow your blogs with continual criticism, I’d like to think the authenticity here rubs off on them and that in some way they too are progressing towards a more peaceful existence.
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