Over the last few days since Thumper and I finished our first of what we hope will become an annual baseball trip, I have been reflecting about the fact that I really, really do love the way he sounds when I hurt him. So much so that I have listened to the recording of it that we briefly posted on Twitter multiple times and always, always have this giant smile on my face when I do it.
In fact, my love of this sound has evolved and now I would be remiss if I didn’t say that I have grown to not only love the way he sounds when I hurt him, but…
I love the way he feels when I hurt him:
When I am doing things to him he squirms, moves, and writhes in ways that I bet even he is surprised that he can do. That is, unless I tell him to be still and, when I do that, he is already at the depths of his submissiveness and he stops cold and lays there like an absolutely perfect pain slut should until he just can’t take it anymore. When he’s had enough, I can feel his body betraying his mind as his legs start to move or his hips start to flex just enough that I know he feels he is disappointing me by moving, but he just has no other choice. Often, when that happens, I will lay down on top of him forcing him to stay in place and this causes his body to become hot and slick with sweat that is in addition to what the pain has already caused. The temperature. The movement. The sweat. Those are the factors that make the blood flow faster to my penis causing it to want to explode with each additional drop of sweat we create.
I love the way he talks when I hurt him:
Thumper has a distinctive voice that can make me want to come just in general conversation. He’s accent free, deep, clear, and has a way of expressing his feelings in his regular day to day statements that is just sexy even when talking about needing to run to Target to buy detergent. However, when I am hurting him, this bold voice becomes soft and incredibly submissive in tone which tells me that I have him in the spot I want him in. There is a softness, a revised pitch, and a submissiveness in every word that makes me both melt and rage with desire as I continue to bring him down into the vault of submissiveness. When I hear a certain tone now, I know that I can do anything I want to him and he will take it for and from me. I know that he knows I am going to hurt him, but I am not going to harm him. I know that he knows that I am going to push him past a point he was at before and that he is allowing me to guide him to that place since he literally no longer has the voice to stop me. For me, at this point, it’s the power that is making me hard versus the pain I am causing him as I am literally hard as a rock knowing that he likes me, trusts me, and wants to please me so much so that he will literally hurt to prove it. That is the ultimate in feelings.
I love the way he smells when I hurt him:
As Thumper goes deeper and deeper into this magical realm, he releases a pheromone of sorts that drives me absolutely insane. For clarification, he has a great natural smell anyway. Be it his body, his mix of product, or just genetics, he has a woodsy scent to him in general when one is lucky enough to be that close. When he starts going toward his, what I ironically call his comfort place caused by pain, his body emits an olfactory delight that I might be one of the few in the world to have the pleasure of ever smelling. It doesn’t last long and is not part of the general smell of sex, but it’s a regular occurrence that if I could capture, I would put in a bottle and carry with me every single place I go.
I love the way he thinks when I hurt him:
When I am through pinching, impacting, or impaling him I tend to just stop without any warning given to him. It’s not his choice at that point and, even when it’s over, I want to make sure that he has no say so in that fact so I will often stop, start, stop, start, and then finally stop and just walk away leaving him deep in the zone. I say walk away, but I am always just a few feet beside him because, at these times, I can actually watch him think. I can watch him process. I can watch him react to what was likely a mental orgasm of sorts and deal with the fact that he is done, whether or not he wanted to be or, actually, regardless of whether or not he wanted to start in the first place. I watch him react by moving, by whining a bit, and by shifting his body deep into the pillows to find some comfort from the down. At this point I most often go back and lay down beside him and, well, cuddle a bit to help him re-enter the real world and will usually allow him to blow me as a thank you. Trust me, he can express gratitude in this form better than a note ever could and, well, you know how good he writes, so interpret as you like.
So, those are the new ways I have found that I enjoy HIM when he is enjoying being hurt. For him, I know the pain is real, but the trust he is placing in me is what drives me and makes me take him harder, faster, and deeper each and every time. I no longer ask for permission or ask his opinion as at this stage in our boyfriendship I don’t need it because I know I already have it. He knows that I have learned the line between hurt and harm and am pushing it more and more each time. THIS is where I get off and I love that he knows I love it and allows me to take him there.
Does this make me a sadist? Yes Ma’am or Sir it does.
I am okay with that though because sometimes the big, shiny, cuddly Drew has to unwind too.