Anxious

I have been in an anxious place all week and have not been able to put my finger on why. There are many options which include being at a client this week I used to love but now particularly don’t like, getting ready for vacation with Axel that starts Sunday that will take us to the other side of the world which I do all the time, but feels oddly odd together, and, perhaps, the afterglow of the weekend where I rekindled my inner sadist and had more orgasms in two days than I typically have in two or three weeks. That fact alone is a possible reason for my anxiousness.

But, this morning as I waited on any possible announcement from the Supreme Court about the marriage ruling, I realized I am nervous and that energy has caused me to be off my game most of this week. When the ruling didn’t happen today, I was saddened because I just want this over and done with. Will it be tomorrow? I hope so because, either way it goes down, I hope that I am in the country to watch this in person. Frankly, in my head the logic just adds together that the decision will have to be positive. It truly and rightly just makes legal sense. But, my stomach is telling me not to get my hopes up because I don’t want to face the bitter disappointment in our government should it not sway my way.

It’s funny, rulings come from the higher courts all the time and I never even bother to blink when they are read. But this one, this one will literally change my life because Axel and I live in a state that currently does not recognize us. Honestly, the decision two years ago was the bigger life changer one because it did allow us to have all the federal benefits we needed together which is more than we ever thought we would have. Since we live in a state without an income tax and don’t have to worry about how we file taxes federally, the only thing that was really a pain was changing my name and getting a new driver’s license in addition to being unable to participate in married discounts on insurance. For health insurance, I technically work for a company in one of the progressive northeastern states, so my insurance is covered through them and Axel has full rights to what I have, so that is another battle we don’t have to face locally. Luckily.

All that to say, tomorrow, or whenever before June 30, I just want this to be over. I want the debates to stop, the state fighting to stop, and for the world to just settle down on this subject a wee bit. For me, I want to be able to also leave on vacation with things being a bit more settled and I hope this will help me.

I talked to Thumper tonight and he gave me more logical reasons which did help ease me a bit ( I say this like I am having a nervous breakdown over this, but I think you get what I mean) which, aside from just being a general boyfriend duty, is always an amazing thing because the man knows everything from multiple sources and can spit it back out in one concise way that is on topic and at the core of the point. So, thank Thump, you did good.

I guess that’s all there is to say on the subject. Until then, keep your fingers crossed.

5 thoughts on “Anxious

  1. My fingers are crossed. It is time for this to be settled and for things to be the way that they should have been already. It has been too long.

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  2. I sometimes wonder whether the world isn’t just getting an ever more anxious place, as governments and legislation seems to move ever further to the right. You can see it in the recent UK and Danish election results. Not good times; and if you’re feeling anxious anyway …

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