It’s been a clusterfuck of a week. I say that in the nothing particularly wrong way but just in the nothing went as planned way. So,right now it’s 5 something in the morning and I am already 30 something thousand feet in the air on my way home after about an hour’s sleep last night and a 2:45am alarm. This early trip to the airport goes through the middle of New York City and, at 3:30 in the morning, nyc still always surprises me that there is so much activity and what kind of activity there is. (I saw prostitutes) (And, for the record, the really tacky kind that even if I were into women I don’t think I could bed because of worry about skins rashes and other things from the really nasty fabrics they were wearing).

So, back to the week. It was a funny week that included me accidently carjacking a man in a Prius, but that’s a story for later in this post. Emotionally it was a hard week to be one of the 50/50 people, you know, the switchy ones,  because in the exact same period of time,  I felt myself drawn to seek Axel and his control while also really pushing Thumper in ways that crossed a new threshold, which isn’t particularly bad because, as I have mentioned, we stumbled upon a setup for future D/s games that will likely fit well within our daily muggle lives if and when we play them. In both of these situations, I was thriving at the first of the week, feeding off energy from both of them on exactly different ways that was making me the happiest switchy guy out there. I was barking commands one minute and then saying “yes Sir” the second. I was amazed at how much Thumper could carry in his ass while also testing my own limits in the same way. I was (and still am, FYI) planning a future locked into a handmade device while also figuring out how best to use Thumper’s in a way to torture him at the right moments. It was an exciting few days that had me as giddy as a 33 year old again. 

Then, it stopped.

It stopped because I got on a plane to go to work Monday afternoon in a city made up of millions of strangers. It stopped because Axel had a young lady in a severe crisis that took all of his attention. It stopped because Thumper got sick. 

None, zero, not a single one of these things were anything that could be helped. These things are just life and every single one of us deals with this stuff, but for me, this week, they all just collided in a weirdly tandem way  which, combined with an odd week of one to one meetings in windowless conference rooms,  left me feeling like I had been punched in the gut and very lost in a weird hole between D/s, muggles, and work. And, yes, I used the word hole on purpose.

Now, as I am heading home, I am starting to feel normal again as if replenishment is around the corner. Axel and I have very different plans for the weekend schedule wise, but I think we are going to come together in a way that will help me “deal” with my s side a bit more, even if I have to force it a bit, something I have been less willing to do with him versus the rabbit. This time will be combined with a day and a bit of Thumper time at the start of the week, which, as trite as this might sound, always refreshes me in a few ways in addition to purely sexual sadism because that one day a month is about the only time I really allow myself to just shut out the job and any other outside pressures, which is an additional way that this marital openness has snuck up on me in the helping category.

So, all of this to say that I hope to be posting some really fun stuff next week versus the drab of this week.

Oh yeah, my carjacking story which I tell you just to amuse myself and reveal my idiot side to the world. So, on Tuesday I had a meeting in the Bronx where I had no idea of where it was. I got into a cab in Manhattan, spouted off the address which was 347 something something WEST and then settled into the vinyl laden back seat and started texting, tweeting, and perving a bit I am sure. About 30-40 minutes later, we pull up, the driver announces we are here, points to a building and I gather my things, tap my nifty apple watch at the reader to pay, and out I go. It wasn’t until the cab sped away that I realized that the building he pointed to was locked with a chain and a padlock and that I was the only person for about the two blocks I could see who was wearing matching clothes (for the record I was in a full suit and it was 94 degrees). He had taken me to something something EAST.  I honestly didn’t know what to do and did not want to pull out my iPhone in that area because, well, being the tall guy in a suit and tie was likely all I needed to paint my target, so I started walking west. I made it a about two blocks when I saw this gray Prius with stickers on the windows that looked like a hired car, so I flagged him down, he pulled up, I jumped in the back seat and told him where I wanted to go. While I didn’t see the apparently terrified look on his face, he said he knew where it was and took me there within a few minutes. When we arrived, I asked how much I owed him to which he replied “oh, it don’t know, I don’t drive people”, which then terrified me as I realized I had just car jacked him, so I threw a $20 bill at him while he waved ferociously at me while smiling as I quickly expected the scene, trying carefully to wipe any fingerprints as I went.

It hit me later how incredibly stupid I was, not only because I didn’t get a receipt for reimbursement, but, that was a stupid stupid move that I have felt bad about having been so foolish all week.


  1. We live a pretty sheltered (as in don’t go into the “big city” very often) life.

    We took the kids for their second trip to NYC. One under 10, one a couple of years over.

    We were all cocky about using the subway because we’d had such a great experience.

    We got on the subway, then found out we were on the right one, sort of. But didn’t know where to get off the subway. The stops were all wrong. So we stayed on. Into the Bronx and the “bad section.” As we went along, the crowd changed. They increasingly were staring at us, clearly tourists, clearly clueless and likely looking like really tasty targets.

    We finally figured out we were in trouble. We got off the subway at a station we had no idea what it was. We asked the only other person we could find how we could get back. “up the stairs, then down back into the subways to go back up towards Times Square. I figured we had it ok.

    This station though was the stuff of murder crime dramas. Thin hallways, no line of sight, well-used station. We climbed the stairs, ended up coming out on the street. We squinted in the light. Remember, tourists. With kids. We might as well have had fanny packs, cameras around our necks and diaper bags.

    When we looked around, there wasn’t a soul anywhere to be seen. Just empty buildings. It was like the zombie apocalypse, seriously. We were trying not to freak out, didn’t want to worry the kids, but we both looked at each other with that “we’re going to die. Right here, on our vacation, we’re going to die” look. Then it happened. The crowning event.

    A tumbleweed rolled across our path. I kid you not. I was surreal. Here we are, downtown NYC, and a tumbleweed makes an appearance. I’m just surprised we didn’t hear “BRAINS!” or something along those lines.

    We made our way across to the other station, down the small stairs to the oddly small and well-used station and waited. It seemed like it took 6 years for the train to finally arrive, but we did make it back on. We were so out of sorts and clearly out of our element that people were coming up to us and asking if they could help.

    Clearly, we survived.

    So, while we didn’t car-jack, we did experience what was CLEARLY a near-death experience. It was really funny to look back on, and we’ve been all over NYC and London and other places on the trains and subways with no issues. But this takes the Zombie cake for us for “awkward navigation and exploration situations.”

    Liked by 2 people

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