Glass Houses

Axel and I went to dinner with two sets of our neighbors last night (one male couple and one male/female couple) and wound up later in their pool having delightful conversation until someone brought up the story on the internet that has been going around about the two sisters who were sitting behind a married couple at a Braves/Dodgers game a week or two ago watching what the wife was texting while her husband paid attention to the game. I had not even heard about this at that point, but the wife was sexting with someone named “Nancy” but it was, according to the sisters, clearly a pseudonym for a man named Mark Allen, who was oddly identified by his last name during the sexting (who does that?), and these two women took it upon themselves to not only take pictures of her screen but to write “your wife is cheating on you. Look in her phone under Nancy” on a program and handed it to the man when they left with their number saying “text me for the pictures”.

Now, frankly, this thing just screams internet hoax to me because, for one thing, these two women apparently went to the press (or to at least social media) to expose what they did and to promote themselves as saviors. That alone, in my opinion, means they deserve to be publicly flogged, but maybe there is something to it so today I plan to help an old lady lift her bag into the overhead bin and tweet about it. But anyway, according to these women, the husband texted them and they sent the pictures and have not heard another word.

What enraged me about this last night was that my two sets of friends sided with the sisters thinking that they were in the moral right showing the man “what skank” he was married to. Axel and I contended that you never know what arrangement one might have and that you can’t judge them based on that alone. While we never said it, it was in my mind that I have texted some pretty racy things to Thumper while sitting a few inches away from Axel and, well, if and when he did see my screen he would just laugh and say something like “you are going to need more sleep than you are getting to pull that off, dear”. You know, modern marriage at its best.

Now, of these friends, I know for a fact the wife of the one couple has had two brief flings. I am not sure they can be called affairs because I don’t know if she even knew the name of the other party involved and that of the gay couple, one of them is on Grindr each night “just browsing”. I have no ill will to either of them because  I don’t know what private deals they have with each other like I have with Axel and I have, BUT, don’t publicly judge because I so want to call your ass out on that. While this was going on, Axel and I gave each other the look across the pool that was pretty much the “I’m fine if you want to call them out and out our arrangement look”, but in the end, neither of us did because, well, it just wasn’t worth it and, frankly, it was Sunday night and I still needed to do a load of laundry, pack for the week, and there was a brownie at home with my name on it, so I decided to just call them an idiot in my head and hop out and dry off.

In addition, with the whole Ashley Madison thing from last week, I am curious to know how many of the people who are judging them are secretly worried they are going to be discovered? I have to admit that I had never heard of the site, but actually logged in the other day and took a look around and it’s a pretty nifty site, especially because there are so many choices in sexuality that are portrayed. They even have a gay side too, which is called something horrid like “down low” because, well, apparently we should have shame in our cruising. Of course, this led to an exploration of which is even more fascinating because, on that, I think Thumper could actually check the bipanflexible box, which is cool in many ways of letting people explore their sexualities.

So, just another night in the repressed South.


  1. You just keep reinforcing my image of you as a genteel Southern gentleman. 😉 I have a lot of non-judgmental (or so I thought) friends and I’m in a private, very liberal FB group of women. I was the ONLY one who wasn’t high-fiving that the “cheating assholes” were getting what was coming to them. No one wanted to hear my explanation that some of them undoubtedly were in open relationships. I was surprised at how closed-minded they were being to be honest. They didn’t care that by not condemning these hackers because they happen to agree with them just incentivizes other hackers to exploit a porn site or or whatever site they might belong to and would not released to the world. Makes me sad to see people I care about be such assholes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s easier to cast stones than to suffer the bruises of being hit by them. And typically the ones shouting condemnation of others the loudest are the most guilty themselves.


  2. I’ll say up-front that I’m judgy mcjudgerton about people who cheat. And I’m not going to apologise for it.

    I’m not judging from a morally superior position: I’ve cheated and just like I judge others, I judged myself. It’s the worst, most hurtful and BAD thing I’ve ever done in my life and I do believe it makes me a bad person (an unethical, selfish, horrible, lying person who can’t be trusted). I judge others with exactly the same harshness that I judge myself.

    I OWN that behaviour and the choices I made. I didn’t try to blame my partner or my circumstances or play the ‘poor me’ card. I don’t buy the excuses for it and think people are being ridiculous when they come out with some hugely unlikely and extreme reason why cheating is okay (“Their partner might be in a COMA!” they squeal with righteous indignation… Mmhmmm… I’m sure 99.9% of cheaters are in that exact situation, brah).

    Best case: you make poor decisions, you learn from them, you don’t do it again. Ever.

    Worst case: you make poor decisions, you blame everyone else, you do it over and over. Because REASONS.

    To the examples here: I don’t make the assumption that people in the general population who seem to be cheating are actually ethically non-monogamous. Given the low percentage of people for whom that’s true, I’m pretty confident to think I’m mostly right.

    Do I think that most people on Ashley Madison are cheating? Yup. Do I think that hacking their database and revealing their information is a terrible thing? Eh. Am I crowing with glee over it? Nope.



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