Moody Rabbit Reactions

It’s 5:16 in the morning and I am about to board another plane. So I guess you can say that all is right in the world.

I am breaking out of my anti-writing mode, although I still have four reports of the ten I have due by Friday in various stages of disrepair, but I have about 200 things on my mind to write about here and am not sure where to start. So, be warned, this post may be a rambling of sorts or it may be just a hodgepodge of things distributed in a willy nilly fashion.

First, let’s start with Thumper. Yesterday he posted a very raw post about the struggles he is having with anxiety and depression. I’ve made it no secret that I also battle both and about ten years ago, I had my breaking point after having several severe panic attacks that took me to the emergency room three times and almost caused a divorce because I was convinced that I would die any day from that fear, that pain, and that worry which then manifested itself into a mild depression. Also, like Thumper, I didn’t want to admit it, face it, or treat it despite the fact I live with an adolescent therapist who seemed to get joy out of pointing that out to me over and over again. So, Axel won and, I went to a mediocre therapist, well, a bad therapist, who wanted to blame everything on my childhood versus dealing with the current things that were causing me that pain, so I found a new one and, with him, we devised series of talk therapy sessions that were coupled with a nice pill once a day for the GAD and depression and a supplemental, as needed, pill that works for those moments when I can feel a super stress moment coming on or when I just can still feel a panic attack coming, which has not happened fully in ten years, though I still feel the signs of them from time to time and have learned how to stop it within myself. For those of you who have never had a panic attack, for me at least, they are not necessarily tied to a specific moment and just really come out of the blue, like when watching a movie, sitting at my desk typing, or having an otherwise fine day just being outside in the yard. The trigger(s) is still unknown the me, even after all this time, but I deal with it better each time and, like I said, I now know how to just shut them down before they even start. 

I say all of this stuff in no way to try to one up Thumper or anything else, other than just to say that I, of all people, understand what’s going on in his mind and that may be why some people have been concerned that we “have not been there for each other” as I got two direct messages and three emails asking what I have/can done for him. I was taken aback at first and assumed it was because over the last few weeks you have not seen us commenting and bantering, but those conversations have been there, just more so in private. After thinking a bit, though, I smiled really big because, well, the world loves Thumper and I can certainly understand why, so I was honored that people would reach out to me to check on him too.

Also, I would ask you to take a long look at the comments left after his post as well. There was the “obligatory negative one” that he and I always seem to get after pretty much anything we do, but, this particular one impressed me because the writer used big words and spelled everything correctly which is really odd. That said and, excluding that comment which was really awful, the rest were some of the most thoughtful, caring ones I have seen and that really touched me and, I hope, also helped convince Thump that these type of posts are okay and appreciated. Of course, in full disclosure, last week when I laid it all out about Axel’s injury, the weirdness I felt about the Scotts, and other things, I called him because I felt weird that I had done that and had even considered removing the post. His response to me was “do you feel better?” And then he proceeded to call me an idiot, with compassion and caring of course, for even thinking I had done the wrong thing because, as he said, “it’s my space and I can say what I want to say. Period”. So, Thump, remember your own words when you need to.

In addition, there is a comment left there from a fellow with an amazing name who asked about me in his question. Thumper and I laughed at first because, well, it’s his blog about he and Belle and there are plenty of ways to get in touch with me if you are worried, but, in hindsite, I have to say that I did appreciate that, especially the back and forth that followed as that is one of the things I enjoy so much about Thump, his wit and mind (well, his ass and tongue are pretty fucking amazing, but we are not in that place right now so I can hold the whole post on that one for later). The coolest thing to me is that Thump says that because of his issues that he didn’t think he was there enough for me and I would say that because of my issues I was not there enough for him, but in reality, he and I went to a generic conversation pattern about baseball, politics, and cars where we would throw in the occasional “how are you?”, “anything I can do?”, and the rare yet appreciated, “just for the record, when are feeling better your/my ass will be waiting” and I think that all worked just fine. In fact, this showed me, at least in my head, that the relationship word he and I have jokingly, yet seriously, thrown around for the last few months is solid and more than a fuck buddy could ever be, because we have learned how to just be there without being irritating or too obvious. This is by both design and by nature because our primary relationship partners (the spouses)are always going to be the rock, but knowing we can and would be a stone, if and when needed, so to speak, is a really nice feeling  (Did that make any sense at all?)

Finally, when you read those comments, there were an additional few that, though I think were well intentioned, in my mind really missed the mark because the commenters, somehow, refused or were unable to see Thumper as anything but a sexual being and are trying to stick all of his angst to his metal penis like a giant magnet. Well, magnets don’t stick to his penis (it was an experiment we tried that went real, real bad), nor should his issues because he is far more of a person who is defined by just his sexuality. Yes, he embraces his sexual side more than most, but you need to remember that is what you see of him, since there is that giant blog about nothing else, and there are far more aspects to the muggle side of him that are weird enough to cause all sorts of problems (heh, I couldn’t get ALL sappy here, now could I?), so, for those inclined to stick everything on kink, or chastity, or his dent, think a bit deeper because I don’t think you are doing anything good by trying to do that, especially knowing that many people do seek Thump out to help themselves embrace their own kink and raising red flags in a general fashion can cause trouble for newbies (yes, I say that knowing the irony that more than a few affirmative comments were from other locked men who also told tales of their depression, but knowing them as I do and in reading, none tied it to their dick either).

Now, I shall end this ramble which I suspect was caused by my dommy side kicking in to protect my boyfriend on some level, but I promise more about the Scotts and the further transition of my open marriage soon, which, spoiler alert, will include me showing them pictures of Thumper’s metalness and their reactions.

7 thoughts on “Moody Rabbit Reactions

  1. I’m do a lot of volunteer a mental health education organization teaching classes and trying to fight the stigma of mental illness. Posts like this and like Thumper’s do more to reduce the stigma, especially for men, then any class I could ever teach.

    When you’re in the midst of bad time, it’s hard enough to admit to yourself that you need help, let alone tell the world about it. I know. I was diagnosed with depression 13 years ago.I knew I needed help, but I couldn’t actually seek it. It took TN making the phone call and setting up the appointment for me to go. Just another reason why I love that Nerd so much.

    You will probably never know how many people you helped by posting honestly and openly about your own struggles. I have no doubt that there’s a guy reading this somewhere that’s gotten the push he needed to make that phone call. Or will ask his partner to make it for him. That’s a really cool thing, my friend.

    You know I’m a fangirl anyway 😉 but these posts add another layer to you and Thumper and make me admire you as people even more. Thank you for sharing. xx

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thank you for sharing your own struggles. It is so important to have people understand that it isn’t a case of just getting over yourself. That impression is so damaging to so many people and causes them to not seek help when they need it.

    I don’t have anxiety personally, but I live with it daily. Both Snake and our daughter have been diagnosed. It isn’t just being stressed. It isn’t just… It is a daily struggle. Even with medication there are good days and bad. Uncaring and ignorant people just make it worse.

    These posts from you and Thumper were so hard to write, I’m sure. But you may have helped someone decide to make that call and that is huge. Thanks for sharing… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This was a brave post and especially brave since talking about someone else’s problems and trying to act like you aren’t just whining about how Thumper doesn’t care about you as much as you do him bullshit while trying to pretend it was okay for him to take his troubles to his wife and not you? I think you are just caught in the middle of having a “husband” seeking affection outside of you and a “fuck buddy” who doesn’t want you to fuck him anymore. That has to hurt so I do wish you luck in dealing with the reality that you won’t be complete until you give up on the idea that a switch actually exists. Either own of be owned and quit whining.

    Like

    1. While Drew and Thumper can defend themselves just fine I really feel compelled to say that if you don’t like it, go read something else. There is, literally, a whole world of sex-blogs out there that would probably better suit your tastes: go there. Shoo.

      I can’t understand why people, ‘Master John’ included, feel the need to try and control other peoples lives (sex lives or otherwise) or insert their own bullheadedness into their issues. Sex, sexuality, and relationships have SO much more to them than owner and owned, master and slave, straight and gay. Open yourself up from the rigidity already and get over yourself.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I just wanted to say that I adore this side of you and Thumper in that caring way. I don’t think either of you understand how unique you are as people and as a pairing and people like Master John can just bugger off. Keep being open, honest, and genuine and I know all will be well.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s