I haven’t written much on here or the Twitter this week because, frankly, I am just tired of writing. I have had a perfect storm appear with work where seven projects are culminating in the same month resulting in me needing to write over ten final reports and it’s exhausting. As of today, I have done eight and combined, they total 993 pages of text, graphs, and observations. It’s also mind numbingly boring, but it has been nice to be able to stay home for a week to get most of it done.
Throughout the last few weeks and during the Scotts entrance into Axel’s life, and now mine, and through the anxiety and depression that Thumper has been feeling, I have been a bit cloudy because I have not been able to rely on the tried and true methods of communication I have come to know over the last year. Axel and I are more than fine, but we are still in a deeper place emotionally with each other where a fun conversation can quickly turn into a discussion and, as wonderful as it is to get it all out there and, at most times, find a resolution, it’s exhausting, especially for him because, ironically, for a man who is paid to listen to people, he doesn’t really like it when he has to talk back. But, the regular sex is back and all the weird feelings about the new boyfriends has dissipated, so as soon as we stop communicating as much we will be back to just like every other happy normal couple.
With Thumper, who I coincidently met a year ago today, the dark place he has been in has stopped most of the flirtatious fun we often have with each other and that’s been a change that has taken me a bit to get used to. I don’t mind it and absolutely understand it, but I realized I have spent a great deal of time worrying about whether I would cross a line if I said something sex like or not and that wasn’t good for me, so I have started to be more “in the moment” with him and, if he’s not particularly that into me at that moment, we flip and discuss something else related to life. That’s just fine too because I know that is not me and that it’s just life at the moment and it’s one of the reason we say “boyfriend” versus “fuckbuddy”. I suspect the regular irregularly scheduled perverted sex we have will return soon enough too so, nothing to fear good commenters who think we are doomed.
Combine those things with the 1,500 page cloud of looming words, charts and fucking numbers – I hate numbers – and that means I just haven’t been around much, that’s all.
Next week is back to normal as I have six cities in five days and lots of times on planes and in hotels to think of pervy things to write about. I swear. I may even take pictures!