Fucking a Friend?

Fuck buddies.

It’s a name, a title, a concept I never liked. In fact, way back when at the start of my last adventure, I believe I was rather insistent that we never refer to ourselves as those two words because, as I vowed, we would be more than that, we would be more special, we would be, at a minimum, Friends with Benefits, despite the fact neither of us could offer the other a retirement plan or health insurance.

As we evolved, we somehow used the term boyfriend, though in our case, it truly meant a base of Friendship with Benefits because the physical distance and the emotional attachment, while there, was so much more different than a boyfriend relationship.  As you know, as we tried, or more so, as I tried, to justify the word more and more, it just created an unnatural line that became forced and caused some trouble when taken too deeply, though I am proud to say it didn’t damage the F side of that wording in the slightest.

All of this caused me to step back and ask myself why I have been so opposed to having someone who is “just a fuck buddy” who would come to me, and possibly with me, without any expectation that I would ever see them again or know their children’s names or what street they grew up on. I thought maybe I was being prudish and that I needed to get over the romantic notion of bringing the other a towel or inquiring if he might be hungry and want to go get some food. I also wondered if my opposition to this was out of respect for Axel, as I could not justify stepping outside of my marriage for just some random dude with a nice ass, mouth, or dick because it seemed to make that act a bit more dangerous or “in your face” to him, when he has granted me this privilege which was derived deeply by his love for me. In my line of work, I certainly have plenty of opportunity to lead this life, but I just don’t. Never have. But I still wondered.

Since this is how my mind works – nonstop, incessantly trying to think of an issue and solve it – these were just random wonders and they didn’t matter much until they did. Over the last few weeks I have been offered several chances to have a fuck buddy as several guys have raised their hands to this idea, but, like before, I either shut this down completely myself or they shut it down because I asked one too many questions, wanted to know one too many things about them, or, once, I even dared ask a last name, which is apparently a do not do in the world of random tricking – who knew?  For a millisecond I felt bad about this, I blamed myself for once again depriving me of an opportunity or three, but then I got over it each and every time because, the reality here is, it’s just not who I am and I am okay with that.

I will never be Mr. Right Now and that’s just fine.

Remembering far back to my single days when I had swooping ginger toned hair, bright blue eyes and legs of steel, I never once had a one night stand. In fact, I never once even made out with anyone whose mother’s name I didn’t know (I am exaggerating but you get the point), so why would I expect this core part of who I am to have changed? One might call it a virtue while another call it boring, but it’s just me and, with that, the fuck buddy idea has been officially closed.

That said, the Friends with Benefits box remains open and I think this is likely the stage I will always stay at, because it pretty much says everything I need to say within that one line. Not shockingly, I am sure, I will admit to having thought a lot about this the last few weeks too and, like I said above, I have really come to peace with that category. However, I would suspect that I am likely in a tiny percentile of people who categorize it in their head like me, because, for myself, the peripherals around the sex such as the flirting, the meals, and the building of a friendship IS the benefit aspect of it, while the sex is just sex. I truly value the beauty and art of interpersonal communication and, while the sex is not bad at all, the privacy of the conversation that surrounds that is likely one of my bigger drivers. I realize that many people, particularly those with a penis, will not understand this viewpoint, but I do now, and I guess that is all that is going to matter moving forward but it does create a dandy of a dilemma of what to title a profile, huh?

As an FYI, here is a nifty little guide to the difference between FB and FWB

 

9 thoughts on “Fucking a Friend?

  1. I’m pretty much riding along with you on your train of thought, except I also dislike the label “friends with benefits” because it either implies that (a) sex is the only benefit, or (b) there can be no other ‘benefits’ involved in the relationship, like, oh I dunno… Going to thecmivies or eating dinner together or, y’know, CONVERSING.

    But, like you, I am just not wired to be “Ms Right Now” – I seek relationships that are deeper than that, for one thing. And for another, I don’t care to put a falsexset if parameters around something so dynamic as What Can Develop Between Two People. Why would I want to cram myself into a box like that? I much prefer to learn another person, grow to know them, and allow things to progress naturally. It’s an extension of my anti-labels mentality, I think. But it’s also directly related to my autonomous streak. Nobody is gonna set forth rules for how I conduct myself in my relationships except ME. Capitulating to FWB or “fuck buddy” labels cheapens the experience in my eyes, and since I am not cheap… Well, you do the math.

    Keep on being YOU as you seek out your new adventures, my friend. Never settle for anything less than what you want.

    Ad P.S. If I was a gay man and you were traveling to my city, I’d be all over that interpersonal communication stuff. Just sayin’. 😉

    Like

  2. I do understand where you are coming from… I was hit on by a guy on Recon… as a guy that values conversation, I wanted to get to know him better… after a couple rounds, he responded with “this isn’t fucking facebook.” There endeth the conversation.

    Like

  3. Disappointed by the link Drew, very cliche views on fuck buddy vs FWB.

    The FB can be a great tool, and a real pleasure when down & dirty non affectionate sex is your kink.

    A FB doesn’t need to be soulless, callous or uncaring. *shrug*

    Im not saying try it, in just saying like anything there are a hundred shades of grey in between.

    Casual one night stands, cheeses hookups etc as a whole generally suck, especially if you at all resemble anyone who needs a human connection for a sexual one.

    This is all shitty and rambling, it’s late here, or very early…

    Like

      1. I didn’t mean to suggest it was meant to encompass the entire content and tone of your post.

        I just expected something different based off of what you wrote in this post, and what you have written.

        This isn’t an attack or critique, but im sure it’ll be dismissed as a misguided poor attempt at understanding you, the author of this post.

        I just thought you had a different voice, it seems I need to do less smartphone commenting and more reading.

        Like

  4. I could never have just a fuck buddy simply because I have to have some kind of connection personally with the person I am intimate. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with fuck buddies but it’s just not a part of who I am or want to be either. However, I have tried many times the friends with benefits thing and quite honestly I suck at it. Trust me, ask Ferns she has had to listen to me whine cry ramble bitch and complain when it didn’t work out. I always have the right intentions but never hold up to them in the end.
    I technically still have someone who we call ourselves friends with benefits. However, we ended the sexual part of the relationship a while back and won’t be venturing there again. Not because I don’t care about her but simply because she is poly and I am strictly monogamous. However, she is closer to me then what I would call just a friend and she provides me (as I do her) the benefits of being a little more personal than just friends just without the sexual relationship.

    What can I say. I’m complicated! lol

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s