Good Intentions. Bad sex.

It’s 2am and Axel and I just had sex. Maybe. Sorta. Perhaps?

Technically he had more sex than me, but not for the reasons you think, which makes this story even more sad.

So, pretending we had one of those TV show signs that announce the time in reverse, let’s start that way.

9:50pm – Axel arrives home.

In addition to the regular week before the holiday gang violence that tends to happen, which is then followed by the emergent crisis and need for counseling; Axel’s job is never easy. In addition, this time of year he has another side gig that keeps him working almost nonstop and he’s exhausted right along beside me. But, since I had been home all day and had gotten about 75% of the stupid paperwork type things I had to deal with when home done, I decided to be a bit spontaneous and stripped myself of everything I was wearing, except The Axel, when the app on my phone alerted me to the fact our driveway gate had just been activated. A few minutes later when he walked in, I was standing at the top of the stairs all titanium penis naked and looking alluring, I might add, which made him smile really really big which made me really really swoon. This was followed by a quick kiss hello. Score one for Drew, because someone was about to get luuuuuuuucky.

However, that impending luckiness and magic moment was quickly aborted when he said “this is great, but if you knew how bad I have to pee you’d, well, never mind, stay like that and I will go pee and then get all the stuff out of the car and blah, blah, blah”. My naked sexiness was suddenly replaced by guilt, and I quickly got dressed and helped unload the car.

Separate showers were followed by separate laptops and a shared American Horror Story (btw, if you watch, how many dead ex husbands can one hotel hold?) and, being that both of us have to work in a few hours, it was time to go upstairs and go to bed (fyi, further setting the scene, Stella is working this week at her week day job of taking care of old people, aka, keeping my mother and her mind on a schedule, so we didn’t have tiny judgmental eyes watching us).

On the way, he grabbed me, stripped me and playfully spanked me and we went to bed while he began to really fondle the metal, which, of course, way making it stand out even further which amused him. He asked some more questions about it, asked (again) how long Thumper and others had stayed locked up, and then his fingers began wandering which made the tube throb that much more.

Things were going great and I was loving the attention to the lack of attention when he said “Fuck, I could so keep you in there forever because it looks so sexy on you, but go unlock so I can have you come on me” WTF? He had just managed to contradict his key holding self in less than 45 seconds. While that should have been magic to my ears, my thoughts went to how hard this thing is to remove as the PA has to come out first and doing that while hard is not easy. So, I told him I want to lay there a bit which caused him to fondle more, which then caused the scrotal cuff to seize in a way that made it feel like a Rockette had just high-kicked me right in the gut, so I decided to go into the bathroom and see if I could get the famous S screws out. The master bath was currently being dimly lit by led lights I had added into the floor and they were lightly emitting a soft pinkish red tone (against carbon gray walls). So, I grabbed a solid white towel and sat naked in the floor taking it off, piece by piece. All was good until the smallest of the screws escaped my S key and went rolling somewhere far far away in the darkness and, as I was looking, that’s when Axel came in just as my pinkly lit ass was way in the air as if I was waiting for the porn music to begin at that exact same time. He loved it. I did not. And he found the screw was about 2 inches away from me which pissed me off. Kinda.

Now, 11:40pm – We should be sleeping

A bit later and a few quick sleeps for him, he climbed on top of me and, and at that moment, his new but damaged hip squeaked again like an old storm door somewhere in Iowa and, as an FYI, knowing it is your husband’s failing three year old body part (just out of warranty) (kidding) makes the fact that it feels like 20 sets of nails on a chalkboard even worse.

For the next month until the surgery and for about 6 months after that, I will always worry I am hurting him, but he assured me he was fine and really wanted this because he wanted me to come all over him (remember, he gets off on that). Then, as we are getting all settled into this new position, he just out of the fucking blue says, “I have wondered, how does Thumper satisfy Belle when he’s locked so long. Do you know how he does it?” – WTF, at that moment the last thing you want to hear about, from your husband, is about the orgasmic habits of your DILF’s wife, right? Of course, that opened my mind to the many posts and conversations I’ve had with Thumpie and I started telling tales of Thump’s fingers, his tongue, and those purple vibrators I have been with him when he bought.
So, with that, we’ve  now confirmed that, for me, thinking about female orgasms makes my penis go soft faster than thinking about a basket of dead kittens, so I had to take a break. We cuddled, he played with my penis and then he said “I need you to come on me tonight”

Well, being the courteous husband I am, I obliged him of that, got myself all straddled and ready and, as I was just right there, I had this weird flash of a headache that didn’t last for more than a few seconds, but it was strong and was just long enough to make me wonder if I was having a stroke. He was grinding away, but my mind was gone and right about that time, I started making the “Can I smile?”, “Can I frown?” faces the AHA has written guidelines about. While I suspected it was not stroke related at all, my mind was gone and I suddenly was hungry, so I just had to stop the activity right there, admit defeat, and let the little guy say goodnight which made us both sad, but, with a little help from me, he got to ejaculate like an 18 year old and I very much enjoyed seeing that. I wanted to pout, but it was my own fault for not going faster and for not trying some Jedi mind block I apparently now need to google how to do.

So, that’s my tale of trying to get tail and, as you can see, this was not my lucky night! (although I am swinging free at the moment!)

I am supposed to be locked again my noon tomorrow, and, in reality, that’s probably safer.



  1. Your storytelling skills are better than any Jedi mind trick! The visual of you trying to find the s screw was so vicid I could hear the porn music playing in my head!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t you hate tiny keyboards?
    Don’t worry about it, try not to over-analyze it. Even the New York Phil plays badly sometimes.


  3. Nice post and funny in a weird way but I am very confused because you called Thumper a DILF and implied in last posts you two are still together. Last time I read anything it seemed like he had cut the cord on you and you were down, Did I miss a post?

    If together again, I’m not sure what to think because if you can’t be friends then why fuck? But, it’s your business, not mine, but just don’t hurt him again.


    1. Thumper is a DILF and unless something drastic changes, always will be. It’s an adjective.

      As for us still “being together”, we never were but, sex aside, we are every bit as close as we were three, six or nine months ago. Sex is on a sabbatical and its return is both uncertain and unknown. That said, it’s not a priority anymore.

      Liked by 2 people

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