So, my first post of 2016 and, like most of my posts of 2015, I find myself sitting in a hotel room contemplating life, love, friendships and sex.

First on the list, is life. All is good and I am going to visit Thumper tomorrow for two meals and an afternoon of whatever and I am really excited about this because it’s been a long time since I have seen him and we have a lot of actually catch up on face to face. And, no, whatever doesn’t mean sex, it truly means whatever we decide we want to do we do and whatever it is that we do do will likely be much more boring that most readers would want, but I am sure we will have a laugh and a smile while we do whatever. So, whatever.

Then, following that, I will leave his snowy city Friday morning to go home and go to pre-surgery appointments with Axel where I get to “be the adult” and sign everything as the caregiver basically acknowledging that I understand the risks, the rewards, and that I promise to empty his pee cup and put it in the pee jug (last time I flushed each time and got in trouble because they were supposed to be measuring output) and that I promise I will not try to help him move no matter how hard he might beg me, because there is a set period of time where he has to be absolutely still and, drugged up Axel, didn’t understand that the last time. The real fun starts Monday and I will be off work for two weeks which really means you will likely hear more from me than typical, especially as my Mother has now decided to sit with me the entire 8+ hours he will be under the knife.

The second part of this is more me venting about the fact that I have started the new year with an overwhelming disappointment in several people who I hold in high regard, but specifically the Scotts. While they have their own medical and career issues right now, they have essentially just disappeared right at the time Axel probably needed them most and right before the time I was really counting on them to help me out. While there may be thousands of reasons behind it, even though they say on the surface nothing is wrong, the optics of this is that they needed Axel when he was able to provide a sexual outlet for them, and now that he is not, they are have taken themselves out of the picture despite multiple reassurances that they would never be “those people”.

Again, having said that, I think that is mostly just the visuals, but they have hurt his feelings something fierce and I want to jump in and shake them until they realize what they have done, but, Axel would be mad if I did that, just as I would have been had he tried to get in the middle of me and Thumper when were were starting the sexual break or the beta test or whatever it is, was, or will be. I will say it again, extra marital relations, even sanctioned ones, are something not for the faint of heart but when they work, man they are fun.

I guess the third part in this for me is all about me because I started thinking tonight how long it’s going to be before I get to be sexual with someone again and that makes me sad. By that, I am not talking about amusing or amazing sexual feats, but the touching, the playing, and the spontaneity that I like. With Axel, for the first 8-10 weeks I already know that when enough of the meds wear off where he will even want activity, I will have to go through that stage of getting past the feeling I am going to break him and, in addition, and I will fully admit this may sound petty, but giving a man a blowjob while staring at an 18″ long incision in various stages of healing is, well, kinda disgusting from that close and I am not sure I can do it (again).  Of course, he can certainly blow me, but, even that requires a step ladder or the like because he can’t bend past 45 degrees for 16 weeks and while I could easily mount a stool or something to mount him, I already know my mind will go straight to “don’t fall, Drew. Don’t crush Axel, Drew” over and over again until it’s just not worth the effort. Also, as for kink play, I know better than to get my hopes up because Oxycodone and Percocet do not, at least in my house, make one want to break out the chains and padlocks.

For what it is worth, I have offered to lock up as he goes into surgery and stay that way until I have to leave again or until he’s ready, but so far he just thinks that is silly because he, the caretaker himself, wants to make sure I am happy and comfortable while he’s not able to take care of me. So, I might just have to surprise him.

That’s it for now. One day, soon I hope, I will post a sex filled lusty post so stick with me!




  1. If he’s in bed and can turn his head, all you have to do is stand there, you know. Grip the headboard and get blown. (Sounds like the title of a ’60s pulp thriller, doesn’t it?)

    As for the Scotts: it sucks hairy donkey balls when “friends” don’t know how to behave like friends. I’m sorry for the disappointment that comes with the Reality Factor with those kinds of relationships, especially because feelings were injured in the process. I’d like to say something wise and accepting, but really, it’s just a douchenugget thing to do to you two. So let’s just leave it at “That bites monkey pubes” and call it good.

    Don’t worry too much about the schmexy lusty postfulness. Just write your life.

    Safe travels.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hope you and Thumper have a great day! Sex or not, friendships like that are special and rare and I’m happy for both of you.

    As for the Scotts, they don’t deserve Axel or you and I’m sorry they’ve let you both down and Axel got hurt. Sometimes people really, really suck. I hope they now feel a coldness in their world for pissing off the blogosphere. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Now now, they are not bad people by any means, I just think they are having trouble balancing what they have going on with other things. Call it emotional immaturity, or whatever that is, the lack of communication is the issue. The test, for me, will be during next week. If they show and rise to the occasion, then wonderful, but, it will never be what it could have been because that bond is broken.


      1. You’re very gracious. I guess I’ve been burned one too many times by similar people/actions to be as kind. I hope they step up next week. Sending good thoughts to you and Axel. It’s hard being the caregiver so makes sure you take care of yourself too.


  3. Enjoy your time with Thumper, it’s always good to catch up with a valued friend.
    It’s such a shame about the Scott’s. You are probably right and they are not mature enough for all the aspects of the relationship they started with Axel.
    Hope you take time to care for yourself whilst caring for Axel. Caring for the ones we love can bring frustrations, not just the ones you were describing, we are here if you need to vent. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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