So, here we are in the lost hour of the day. Some of you who also might work remotely will understand this term because, for me, it’s that weird hour between appointments in a downtown city where it’s too cold to walk, too far to go find my car, and too early to go to my next appointment. So, like usual, I found a random Hilton and am now sitting in a giant velvet chair in the lobby trying to pretend like I belong here, which is likely what the eight other people scattered around me in suits are doing as well as we all type away at small little keypads.
That said, I doubt, and rather hope after surveying this group a bit more, that none of them are writing about sexual dominance, submission, and things like chastity, plugs, and power – like me.
So this week I am really feeling my inner dominant coming out to play again. He’s been hidden away since the Fall when Thumper and I had “all those posts” about “all those things” because whatever insecurities Thump was having as a sub with me somewhat made me question myself a bit more as a Dom. This equally had me wondering if I should just give up the power things for me and find a nice comfortable sub space at home with Axel, despite the fact that Thumper, Ferns, Kiwi and several others had all laughed at me when I had proposed the idea to them. In the end, I discovered they were right but I didn’t act on things and I didn’t pursue the dom thing either, just allowing myself to believe that it would work out when it worked out.
Funnily, I have been getting glimpses of it here and there when I have found myself referring to a few of my friends as “boy” or being particularly bossy with them (don’t worry, they are in the know and get it) and I have also found that I have lost my trepidation in talking to Thumper about what we did, how we did it, and what we may do as well, because, while I still enjoyed him immensely during his “reflective” period, I didn’t want to risk crossing a line for his sake and, selfishly for mine as well, because I do value my friendship with him and nothing about the past was worth risking a future.
However, this week the climax came in a three way event that suddenly brought out Dom Drew which pretty much made regular Drew giggle like a girl. The first was the date we discussed in yesterday’s post and the new found confidence it gave me. The second was the before mentioned conversation with Kiwi which I always enjoy immensely because we flirt with each other within the context of a normal conversation in a way that just pretty much implies that if I were anywhere near him I would be pinning his newly shaped ass to the floor and doing nasty things. The third was a very nice post that Thumper wrote this week about one of his sessions with Obiwan and how he had felt his inner submissive coming out while also describing it in a graphic way that, having been there and having seen it in person, pretty much nailed exactly what it looks, feels, and even tastes like.
This was not the point of his post, nor would it have likely even been a remote possibility of intent, but when I read that, I was, for the first time in a long time, proud of our past and proud of myself for having been able to help him experience those feelings. By saying I am now proud does not mean I was ever ashamed, but what I realized was that regardless of whether or not he and I ever physically go down that path again and/or if we choose to discuss it, we should both be proud of that dynamic we were able to find and savor those few moments when his eyes went to the back of his head while he liked the way I hurt him. We grew on two different, yet parallel paths and there is nothing that should ever stop my pride in that. And, THAT, will make me a better dom or sub down the road with whoever.
Finally, I also think that Axel now being on the other side of the surgery and on the path to healing, despite six more weeks on a walker, has brightened my view while also allowing me to find “me” again, such as this morning when I stood in front of a group of people telling them that they were slackers who were nowhere near as good as they thought they were and that, together, we were going to make them better (by the way, I do say that in a much friendlier tone).
I felt more like me at that moment and that made me happy.
I celebrated this happiness by sending some salacious, flirty dom like texts to several special friends. You know, because I could.