Mixed Muggle Marriages?

It’s 5 something in the morning and I am already in the air over Ohio or some place like that headed to, of course, Atlanta and then home. I was lucky enough to get a last minute upgrade on this flight, but have a window seat which I hate because I immediately have to pee the minute I sit down in one of those and, since it’s often not easy to crawl over the person next to you, I wait. In today’s case, I am sitting next to a man who just asked the flight attendent for “skinny mocha, no whipped cream” and wondered “what the special of the day” is? Apparently he has not been on a plane in years and doesn’t really realize that he’s just, well, stupid.

Anyhow, for those of you who also follow my Australian girlfriend, the beautiful Ferns, you will know that she is in the middle of a rather interesting experience that she describes as “vanilla dating immersion” where she has added to her regular search for submissive men by opening up a few categories on the checklist to include those who are not necessarily collar craving men ready to please her. Now, I am stating this a little too broadly as she clearly has specific interests in what she is looking for and, I would assume, open mindedness would be the top of the list. Also, while we have not specifically discussed the surrounding elements of this, I know she has no desire to hide her kinkier side and, knowing her well, I know there is no way she could hide her sweet, yet domineering side (I mean, hell, she had me, a man so not interested in lady parts, running for bubbles) so whoever she dates on the muggle side of life would be introduced to the other side in some form or fashion.

This got me thinking because, as I have told you, I have made some pretty tight connections down under with the two men I referenced the last post as Oz and Plugboy. The Plugboy title was a joke, so specifically, the two I am talking about we will now call Oz and Dakota. These two guys are in addition to my other friends I have met in The land down there which culminated all around my last visit there, which, as far as I know, was likely my last professional visit as the contract I was working on ended at that point. The fucking karma on that just pisses me off but all hope of going back is not lost, even if it is just with me and my American Express paying the way.

Anyway, these two guys have quickly become two of my closest, yet furthest, friends because we have a great deal in common in how our relationships have worked out. As a setup, Oz is a very dominant, very skilled, incredibly sexy tall Aussie (who would really like me to refer to him as Sir Oz and his Cadre of boys in these writings) with a voice that could bring a man to his knees immediately. He’s everything a sub could want, but he fell in love with a vanilla, yet open man, and the two of them are now newlyweds after many years together prior to their marriage. Oz loves his husband with all his soul, but his inner need to shield him from some of what he desires can often get in his way leading to guilt, questioning, and pondering about did he settle too soon or is this the absolute best thing. I did not settle, none of us did, but during those moments one wonders.

Dakota, named specifically for his adventures in a state while in the US, is a really cute, 40ish man who has these beautiful eyes that just command you look at him. He’s wicked smart, has a sense of humor that I suspect is much darker than he has shown me, and professionally dominates most of Australia with his very specific knowledge of infrastructure and what is needed. That said, he is as submissive as Oz is dominant, and he craves to have as much control over his day to day life in the ways of chastity, exercise, clothing, plugging and bondage as would feasibly be possible. However, about five years ago, give or take, he fell in love with a younger, beautiful vanilla man with a name that just reminds you of all things good and lovely. While Dakota would like his husband to be his Master or at a minimum his key holder, he’s stuck with the “meh” mentality from his partner because, while he’s glad that Dakota is open with him and wants to experience things, he’s just not sure where he fits into that picture, which also leaves Dakota wondering and often insecure about his specific kinks. Like, Oz, Dakota loves his husband madly and just does not want to hurt him with anything outside the realm of the plain ice cream, but also knows he needs more.

Oh, did I mention that Dakota and Oz are great friends and former play partners prior to each of them finding a muggle? No?, well, add that fact in as well as the fact that both spouses know that and embrace that, though they have not played in that sense since becoming muggled. Both want to change that and Oz has taken subtle control with more planned. However, this subtle control, and perhaps stronger less subtle control, can only be enacted if and when Dakota can get his husband to more than agree,  but to also, more importantly, understand the why and the deep need as to WHY Dakota not only wants this, but needs it.

Where we have commonalities and where my part of the friendship comes in is that, as a reminder, I am a switch with preference to the D or to the s dependent on the person I am with. Like them, I also fell in love with a vanilla man who I was desperately trying to mold to fit me, though as every day passes, we realize that it’s more a strategic plan that, in time will likely materialize into some wonderful happy middle, which you have all watched us get closer to each and every month. It took us almost 15 years to really start this, which is why I feel such a bond with these two guys and want to help them with whatever I can since I have likely gone through it.

In addition, both have admitted that the vanilla side of their marriages or their partners lack of “ummph” about it has, at times, wounded their sense of pride, or perhaps, balance in themselves as a kinkster. I absolutely get this as, for those new to the game, I was growing the D side of my personality a rapid pace last year and was proud of this because it was something I had always doubted the real me could do.  I was beginning to really own it and, somehow, the D side was also feeding my s side. Of course, I did this through, and with the assistance of my kinky submissive boyfriend on the side who then transitioned to my now a kinky submissive friend on the side. Despite all assurances to the contrary that it was not me (or specifically me and how I played in the Dom role) and even with my logical brain telling me this too, the secure feeling I was gaining in my kink role suffered some big wounds that are taking time to heal and, I think, have prevented me from finding another. The reality is that we, the kinky ones in this threesome of couples I am discussing, probably have taken these feelings much deeper than our partners would ever fathom that we took them, but it’s there, and it’s something I want to help them through while also helping myself.

With these two guys specifically, I would fit somewhere right in the middle of their Dom/sub inclinations and, if life had a magical fantasy setting, the three of us could likely have a great Sir, alpha, and boy triad where we all had rippling abdominal muscles and amazing penises while not needing to do anything but live on a beach with Amazon Prime same day shipping taking care of all of our needs. However, it doesn’t and it won’t work that way and I guarantee you it would not take more than ten minutes before we missed our spouses and craved our muggle sides back.

In addition, something I have found since being around these two is that I am more proud of my kinks again, wherever they fall, and will be writing about a bold move I took last night in introducing the latexy and caged side of Drew to someone muggle me knows well. It was a bold, interesting move, that I think paid off.

Finally, to wrap this back up to Ferns, I hope she continues to look at the vanilla men because, as the three here can attest, our lives are infinitely better because we have the muggles, but it just means we have to come about things differently.

I’d love to hear from those of you in these mixed muggle relationships and to ask how you have maintained your muggle when nurturing your kink. Any comments are welcome.


  1. I didn’t know you could “become muggled.”

    And I sort of stopped paying attention at the rippling-abs-on-a-beach thing because, well, I have an imagination.


    Also, this post did not show up on my Reader. Probably because WP is teh dumbness. But I found it because you mentioned something about “part do” and I figured the do-ing would be worth reading if it involved MMM. Because, rippling abs on a beach.


    What were we talking about again?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Couldn’t help but to join into this conversation, especially after sending the link of this blog to my Hubby. No explanation provided, just the link. It took a second read before he realised that it included details on “us” in the blog.

    Funnily enough, he said he got bored reading it and stopped before coming back to it and analysing it. He believes that Dual Drew, Dakota (PB) and myself are the muggle’s. He is also stated that he is not vanilla. No, he’s not vanilla, but is he, based on my kinkier side?

    I cannot explain the deep need of my kinkier side, in fact, I don’t want to. The challenge I have is the level of feeling guilty because of it. The beach house, Sir, Alpha and boy leather family (not forgetting the ripped bodies) sounds ideal, but the reality is that it won’t work. It requires balance to maintain sanity. A holiday house instead?

    My hubby has always been supportive, and we have played with a submissive recently – the guilt remains. Am I forcing something on him that he is just not comfortable with? What frequency should the submissive be here in use? Weekly or Monthly? When is too much? I am not very talkative and keep things to myself, again I think it links back to feeling guilty. Something I need to work on.

    The conversations I have been able to have with Drew have been brilliant. Not only on the muggle relationships but the kinkier side of life and the sense of who we truly are, what we need and how to balance our loving relationships with the kink.

    With that, back to the ripped bodies, abs and speedos on the beach with my Alpha boy and submissive.


    Liked by 1 person

  3. Perfect timing! I’ve been working on a post about our MMM. I haven’t posted because my thoughts were all over the place and I felt like I was complaining again.

    My MMM is a different variety in that TN didn’t know about my kinks when we got married. I wasn’t keeping them a secret deliberately; they were merely fantasies that I was too ashamed to admit as I’ve written about recently. Overcoming that shame has been a huge step for me and has really only happened in the last 18 months. TN has been wonderful about listening without judgment and willing to try new things, but it hasn’t been easy for him and we’ve found some hard limits for him that I totally respect, but can’t help feeling sad about. Opening our marriage isn’t an option so at times it feels like we’re both compromising what we want and need.

    Great posts! Thanks for making me think. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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