Good morning from a chair hidden behind a sushi bar at O’Hare International airport. It’s actually closed and I didn’t know I was trespassing, but the nice manager man who tried to kick me out decided I was just fine and could stay when I flashed my metal dick and said “really?”
Hah, wouldn’t that be fun? However, in no world would that ever be me, so I really just acted innocent, smiled a bit and he said that I could stay “as long as I wanted“. Get that, people, ss long as I wanted. What a day.
So, if you have not gathered by my whining, my last few weeks have been pure hell from a work point of view. It’s not been with bad people or weird bosses or anything, just crazy busy which is a fact that I can’t decide whether is good or bad in that billable hour way since I am about 220 percent ahead of where I am supposed to be. Yes, it buys me time should I want to slow down later in the year. Yes, it helps secure a bonus next year, but I am beginning to question the price I am paying for this in health – I’m getting fat again and can’t workout regularly, in friendships – I am never home to see anyone and have stopped being invited to things, to my marriage – I think this is already understood, and, well, to my sexual well being – because the starts, stops, and sideways moves are getting old. But, I am tired and this is likely a product of that so I am not making any decisions for awhile.
I have one more city today, a three hour afternoon meeting, and two flights home tonight (the second of which is a 35 minute Atlanta layover for the last flight of the day and it makes me nervous) and I am giddy that my entire weekend, five days actually, are going to be devoted to cleaning, organizing, spending time with Axel and maybe, just maybe, adding some of the kink back in. Should I clean naked and collared? Just walk around in only the cage? or maybe get him to just lock me in a sleepsack after an Ambien so I can finally just sleep. Hah. Now the mind is racing but, that ain’t a bad thing. Plus, I see Thump in a week and anytime I get to embrace my sub side, the Dom side suddenly rages.
So, I write this all about a question to those of you who actively practice your kinks on a regular, consistent basis, especially to those of you who have consistent rules and protocols.
My question is, do these things make your day better? do you feel more organized? do you feel relaxed knowing that some of the decisions of your day are made for you? do these questions make any sense out of context?
(I’m being kicked out of the sushi bar now – hold please)(he is no longer a nice manager man)
Okay, I am back. I am flying an airline I don’t have club access to and, as pretentious as this sounds (just for you M.) I really miss it just simply for a quiet place for me to be able to sit down and write smut, or work, yeah, “work”.
Back to the above. I ask those questions because, right now, I am at what I feel is the highest level of un-organization I have ever been at in life. At home, Axel has been as crazy as me work wise and our laundry is clean, but evidently sorted by blind fairies (seriously, how sad would that be that they’d never get to see how pretty they were?? Awww) after we finish folding it because I am now constantly getting places with one of his shirts, without my underwear, or, socks that don’t match – we are two educated people but, for whatever reason, we have lost the ability to know that one black sock does not mean all black socks match it. As a point, right now I am wearing his shoes because he apparently left them on my side of the closet and, in a mad rush to pack, I grabbed them instead of mine. Sadly, they are my least favorite pair of his he has, but luckily he’s a 12.5 and I am a 13, so we are at least close enough. This is not how I operate and this, plus about 200 other stupid, stupid mistakes, are killing me.
On top of that home level of unorganized, professionally, my ability to focus has dwindled to a point that I write one thing, go get a snack, write another paragraph, go get another snack, stare at what I wrote, go mow the yard – halfway. I know a lot of this is the shear volume of what I have had going on, but the lack of focus worries me.
Sexually and personally, my drive is up and down and left and right depending on the hour. That alone doesn’t bother me, but when it’s like that it’s so easy to forget the kink we gave established that I worry it will go away forever. Add to this my uneven workouts and recently horrid diet, and, well, that has to change.
So, back to my question. If I asked Axel to set some very specific guidelines does anyone think it would help for the basics? I feel like it would both please me and royally piss me off, so I don’t know, to be honest, and do not want to start something again that is my fault for not finishing.
Hmmm. I guess I have five days to work on that.