Comfortable Kink – Porsche Edition


img_0696What a week. It’s been a good week for about 87.7 different reasons, but mostly because in just a matter of a few days I have found myself well, ready. Now, I know that sounds vague, but let me help put it in perspective.

First, this week, at the very last minute (as in I was already there) my client had an internal situation and had to cancel my week which meant I had a bit of free time AND got to go home for three whole days during the week. The weather is beautiful here and I decided to take the days to build a cover over our deck and then enclose and screen it and have been in the yard (and at Home Depot) ever since. I am exhausted, but in that way that only manual labor and no computer 24/7 can allow and it’s cleared my head in ways I didn’t expect.



But, before we get into that, I want to send a special thank you to my friend Porsche, the 100% straight man who I have mentioned before as the guy who got his metal penis stuck in customs in Europe, because he and I were finally able to meet and connect in person as I happened to have been cancelled in his city. He picked me up for breakfast (driving the sexiest car I have ever been in) and we spent a few hours together talking about life, love, and the fact that our spouses like metal things locked to our penises, metal things stuck up our asses, and how we are true switches because we just want to give that right back to then in many cases. But, while that was fun, educational and while he was certainly not bad to look at, the real joy I got out of the morning was that he was, well, a joy. He and his wife  (who was not with us) represent the side of kinkiness that most of us would have no idea happens inside the 4 bedroom 3 car garage ranch house with the picket fence in middle America and I cannot even express how honored I was to be included in that discussion as I take it he rarely has the opportunity to discuss said metal dick while presiding over board meetings.

While I know people like him and Mrs. Porsche exist, the only thing I can liken it to in my life was 100 years ago when I accepted myself as a gay man. See, back then, pre internet, the only real examples I had of gay men were the uber’ flaming Elton John like men in feather boas and oversized sunglasses who appeared in various TN shows or parades or that gay Carrington from Dynasty who, while beautiful, found himself the punchy subplot one too many times. But, right after that and a bit after my 19th birthday, I started meeting gay accountants, teachers, attorneys and, now don’t freak out, gay doctors too. Seeing them and knowing that I too could be part of that world, gave me this weird inner peace that I can’t say has ever really gone way. It just felt like being gay could and would be normal.

So, back to Porsche, for me, this week, he was that gay attorney or gay doctor, though he’s not gay or an attorney or doctor. But, having a face to face conversation with him showed me the kink inside of such people and I walked away from that breakfast feeling like the gay 19 year old again full of promise and hope that my crazy, crazy professional life can be equally mixed with my desire to be a part of a daily kink quota with Axel, Thumper, or many others and I found myself that night, sitting with Ax and telling him “okay, let’s go” and agreed to be part of some things that, for him, he has not spoken of very often at all (I will list, but need to ask him first).

Regarding the rest of the week, lots more to tell but I have a deck to work on. More soon.


  1. The pleasure was 100% mine and it was so glad that we were able to get together after missing each other literally by 30 minutes in Chicago the week before. As a person who doesn’t share their kink typically outwardly and only about 3 people in the world (excluding security at LHR) know that I sport a creature cage from SteelWerks. Christopher the artist and creator, my wife and key holder and Drew your friendly neighborhood host. These is the only people who I have truly openly discussed my wife and our kink.

    What is great about talking to Drew and truly appreciate is that it shows how everyone’s kink is different, their kink is fluid, their kink has highs and lows. Very much reminds me of sun flairs that can be powerful and amazing and occasionally mess up your communication systems and often time seem to occur without warning. I have never considered myself someone who is into Kink, S&M or BDSM dominance or submissiveness. As Drew states sometimes labels or categories can give you comfort that you’re not the only one but they often can create walls if you use those categories to be your only definition of yourself.

    As a person that is normally a dominate, but am always locked when away from my wife/sub is a great illustration that lines and definitions do not always matter. As we mature and become more comfortable with our sexuality and the sexuality of the ones that we love and cherish we open the door to challenge everything, to try and explore new things. Given my sub the opportunity and sometimes the responsibility to take a more dominate role is a test for each of us and it expands the door of kink and pleasure beyond what we know or control. Being able to spend time with Drew has really highlighted how necessary it is to always be open and try new things. Some will be great and others will be a disaster and hopefully do not end you up in an emergency room (thanks to the great people at Northwestern memorial Hospital at our last visit!)

    What I will also mention by saying it is not an issue worth mentioning is that it makes no difference if your gay or straight or unsure. If you are truly honest to yourself and others and agree that each person is just a person no matter what it further allows people to communicate and grow without artificial/ social/ political/ other issue interfering. But it is fun to say that I get the best sex toy suggestions from my gay friend! Gay men do have some of the best sexy toys I must say.

    Looking forward to the next time our paths cross and Mrs. Porsche (she would really hate getting called that… she thinks they are way too common now) is able to meet as well.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Wish I had an uplifting or novel story but thank that mine is as common as most. Growing up always seemed to have a bit of a craving was conditioned in the world of non-kink that only weirdos and deviants were into kink. I kept that belief for a long long time and through college went the typical 2-year period before going this is not going to work and moving on. I went through a long 5 or 6-year period of no solid relationship and a bit of a depression and just focused on work and not on myself outside of that.

    I meant a wonderful and sexy woman who really broke me out of my stupor. She was beautiful kind and amazingly and the most honest person I had every meet. She hated me at first and thought I was a big of an ass (I kinda can be an ass) but we truly fell in love.

    After we moved in, got married, had children, bought houses, cars and had huge success in the tangible world the dark feeling returned. The depression and unhappiness, the feeling of something missing. I was not able to look at myself and to deal with how I felt. I wanted to blame other and everyone else for the way I was feeling. The closer you were the worse my blame and negativity to you would be. I took no responsibility for myself. It was a cancer that I feed and let grow and have gave everyone blame. I started to see someone else and started an affair that was an outlet to escape. I took no blame for it but rather felt I had the right to do what I wanted since I was so unhappy. I finally moved out of my house and separated from my wife and was ready to move onward.

    But a funny/ sad/ pathetic thing happened. What left with me was myself and my anger and my dark cloud I had made and never dealt with. Here I was left with that reality, that pathetic painful reality. I slowly had to finally look in the mirror and face that no one can make you happy it is a decision and a processes you control yourself. I started that long processes trying to move forward but had broken trust with everyone that mattered to me or had cared for me.

    I slowly tried to put my marriage together again and rebuild lost trust, which still continues to this day. I also had to admit and share some of my kink inner desires and openness to share them. It was not easy for someone like me who is not always that open even with people I love and trust. As we started our kink journey together I also suggested chastity device to help show and illustrate my true commitment to us and us only. After using an off the shelve device for a while moved to having SteelWerks making a custom creature cage even with custom keys to enhance my chastity.

    We have expanded our kink journey and have found that it has allowed me to be myself so much more and to be truly open. My wife who had never thought of about kink or stretching boundaries has really found it beneficial as well. We have grown much stronger and closer than we ever have before and share ourselves and focus on each other more than ever.

    Hope to keep the kink train going and see what happens next and have trust that it will help us grow. Sorry again for the long comments.


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