When I have told a few friends about the fact that I have an open marriage and/or the fact that I have/had/have/had/____ a boyfriend on the side who is also in an open marriage, be it one of those odd male/female ones, the initial reaction I always, always get, is a comment, smirk, or something similar indicating jealousy about the amount, type, and frequency of the sex in which I must be participating (keep in mind those I would tell are already in a place with me where I know they would not judge).
However, they none of them are right.
See, sex on the side is sticky.
It’s all those things you want in great sex, really, except it’s not any of them at all.
Don’t get me wrong, when it’s hot it is fucking amazing and when the stars line up I can actually see them from the high it gives me. But, just like in any relationship, it’s a matter of perfect timing to make those things happen and, when those starts simply refuse to align, there is guilt, perceived anger, and, in my case, Mexican food and shopping.
Admittedly, the kind of sex on the side I want is what leads to this because I want feeling, emotion, and history. I am sure if I wanted anonymous encounters or the pretty “talk stupid to me” boys, it might be easier because it’s an on demand type of deal versus the plan in advance, buy an airline ticket, get a room, and cross your fingers way we need to do it while also keeping on with our muggle lives. I mean, it’s not like either of us can call our offices and say “please don’t email, call, or send vibrations of any kind because I will be naked for the next four hours”. Life happens.
Now, all of this is a huge lead up to the fact that I am sitting in the airport waiting on my flight after spending the day with Thumper. A month ago when the calendars were blocked and tickets purchased, it was going to be a day resembling pure, hard core pornography. Two weeks ago, the plan had shifted to more of a soft core pornography,you know, still naked and sticky, but with some reserve. Then, a week ago it was more like a Cosmopolitan magazine type of pornography as my cold and his work started making guest appearances. Then, at lunch yesterday, we discussed the fact that maybe we should go PG rated and be happy, though the hard core version was still in our back pockets.
So today happened. We had the best of intentions but as he walked into the room his son called with a crisis, then my boss emailed with a passive aggressive note that took my mind, and then we started talking about Trump and, with that, I lost my erection and it he had a dick he would have too. It wasn’t him. It wasn’t me. It was life and the guilt on his behalf of me paying to visit was compounded by the fact that I had said something in a tone that sounded like he should feel bad which made us both feel bad and, well, we sat in that amazing suite I had and talked about it even though we didn’t really have to. We each understood that it wasn’t a lack of interest in the other party, it was just a lack of timing and, when you only have one shot, there are not really many do over options. However, we luckily always have the friendship base to fall back on.
For Thump, as anyone who follows him knows, he ebbs and flows in his horniness having really high highs and some really low vanilla points. And, if you know me, you know I am pretty much always at a take it or leave it horny level myself, so this just makes timing a bit like playing the lottery and today our sexual numbers didn’t match those balls in that big cage thing they spin.
However, also like playing the lottery, we got one of those free card scratch off things and, despite the full lack of nakedness, we had a damn good day eating, people watching, and walking the Mall of America just talking like friends who care for each other, whether or not sex is involved. I never fail to learn something fun from him and he never fails to point that out to me.
So, for those hoping for a salacious story, sorry, but sex or no sex, my day was still better because of the fact we are both willing to play this complicated game.
However, as revised game play and since I usually have some wide options for last minute flights, we are going to wait until that high high starts next time and I am going to get on a plane and fly in just for a fuck. Or food.