The Drew Effect (by Thumper)

Thumper here. Drew was in town the other day (see the post immediately before this one). In the recent past, these visits have not involved sex between us but this time around we approached it in a way that works for me.

The struggle I’ve had is flipping between friend and sub. Between Drew being Mr. Confident Dom vs. Thumper’s friend. But coinciding with the last visit was a desire within me to do some serious subbing so, in order to make that work (because I also knew he was ready to top the fuck out of me), I asked for him to only interact with me during the day we had as a sub. Which, besides the actual time spent having sex, might not have seemed that different to anyone looking in from outside, but it worked for me. I was able to maintain the headspace. Partly because of little things he did (like leave his trash on the table at Shake Shack for me to clean up and not obviously seek my approval about anything) but also the fact that I had a heavy chain collar on the whole time we were out and about.

Anyway, it worked. And, if anything, we’ve more or less maintained a Dom/sub dynamic after he left. One that’s been able to intensify since Belle has been away for about a week and a half. Since he’s wherever he is and I’m here, this has manifested in me letting him have control over the my ass.

I’ve been thinking lately that Drew has been instrumental in leading me to better understand some things about myself. I’ve always known anal play was something I enjoyed, pretty much since I can remember having sexual thoughts, but Drew has helped me achieve a new level of consciousness about it. Since we’ve been “together” I’ve come to realize I am 100% a bottom. I just don’t like anal penetration, I crave it. Just as I’m a total sub, there’s no top in me. Even though I have no functioning penis when we’re going at it, I have realized I really don’t need one. I don’t want to top anyone and I never really have (I’ve never enjoyed fucking men). All I want to do and be is the bottom. Thanks to being with Drew, I have come to fully embrace this part of me in a way I never have before.

Since I’m bisexual and have primarily been with women for most of my life, I didn’t have a chance to delve into the subculture that is bottoming. It’s a really fascinating role for a man who, culturally anyway, is expected to be the penetrator in any sexual situation. To invade the partner. So to feel none of that need when having sex with another man is…interesting. All I want is the opposite. To be entered and used and taken and to do it all in the best possible way. To be the best host and provide maximum outlet for his sexual needs. I may have struggled at some points in my life with my deep need to bottom because we have no positive role models to look to, but I don’t now. It’s an identity I wear with pride. Like my need to submit, it’s something of a super power.

I can even see this how this manifests in my relationship with Belle. She has no desire to fuck me and, of course, is not naturally built that way anyway. But I have always, my whole life, felt a deference to ensuring the women I’ve been with are experiencing as much pleasure as possible. Sure, I wanted to fuck and the feeling of being inside a woman is uniquely intoxicating, but even then, I fucked with her needs and feelings in mind. I rarely, unless invited to, took my pleasure first or gave it priority over theirs. While I’m not technically bottoming in a penetrative way with Belle (or any other woman), I still very much feel the part. It’s also, I think, a part of what makes the idea of her being with another “alpha” man so attractive to me. I so badly want her to have what I am not, by nature and circumstance, able to provide.

Practically, Drew has helped me in another way. I used to have in my mind an idea of what I was physically able to take as a bottom. If you go back and read my review of the dildo modeled after Jeff Stryker’s cock, it’s almost comically presented as the biggest thing I’d ever be able to get in my ass. I spent a great deal of time describing how hard it was to take. I actually thought, seriously, I could not stretch any bigger. Now, I see that dildo as a minimum size for any real solo funtime. Even if I haven’t played with anything in my ass for a while, I can take that dildo without a great deal of effort.

In a weird way, what one’s ass can do is limited more by one’s own expectations than one’s physiology. Once I knew the Stryker dildo was no big deal, it wasn’t. Drew helped me understand that, too, by encouraging (and not for purely charitable reasons, to be sure) my experimentation with bigger toys.

The best example of that is the World’s Most Comfortable Butt Plug from Mr. S. I had the one they call size XL which has a similar circumference as Stryker and I assumed it was as big as I could use, but Drew got me to try the XXL (I can’t recall now if I already had it or he bought it for my ass). We would have FaceTime sessions where he watched me struggle with it and generally be a whiny dramatic little bitch, but it eventually got in. After a few times, it became less scary. I was able to carry it around for a day at a time. It stopped being a challenge and started being fun.

So he got me the XXXL WMCBP. That one’s a beast, but it was the same kind of deal all over again. I swore it would never fit. Was terrified that once it went in it wouldn’t come out. But Drew was insistently supportive. He had more faith in my ass than I did. And, eventually, it got it. In all its 8″ around, nearly 2 pound glory. In fact, as part of our current Dom/sub understanding, I have it in right now. My confidence with it grew so that, at first, I wouldn’t dare leave the house while it was in. But just like the XXL, I’ll go anywhere with it now. To work, shopping, whatever (it’s not as simple as just leaving in there, but I’ll spare you the details for now).

Other large toys came after. One, in the shape of a fist nearly identical in size and appearance to my own, that’s 12.5″ in circumference. My desire to take these larger toys was driven as much by my need to to do it for him as it was the incredible physical sensation of being stretched, figuratively and literally, by the experience. Now I find my desires with regard to what happens to my ass magically align with his fantasies. In much the same way my expectations with regard to sex with Belle eventually became essentially what she wanted. That’s my zero-dominant nature molding to be the mirror of my sex partners.

To this end, Drew has told me he intends to fist me at our next meeting. I can remember a time when the very idea of that would be impossible to imagine. I cringed at images of fisting because I didn’t understand the dynamic that would lead two people to be in a place where it would happen. But I get it now. And I want it now. I want it because it’s essentially the last challenge I have yet to accomplish (it’s like the ultimate TRUE BOTTOM™ achievement) but I also want it because he wants to do it to me. Just as he’s a Dom and I’m a sub, he’s a top with an intense interest in making me bottom to him. He gets off on the idea of making me accept his whims over my ass and, of course, I do too.

So that’s going to happen. His giant hand will be inside me, easily the biggest thing I’ve ever taken. And now that I know it’s going to happen, I know I will be able to do it. He’s more than an inch bigger around than the fist toy I have (1.25″, in fact) but he’s also not a molded piece of silicone and I’ll be motivated to perform for him. It’s going to happen. I’m sure I’ll still be a whiny little bitch about it, but…he kinds of likes it when I suffer.

11 thoughts on “The Drew Effect (by Thumper)

  1. Love this! I’ve almost always included anal penetration and play in my D/s relationships. I adore taking a man that way, showing him how enjoyable it is, encouraging him to take larger toys (in a similar way described here).

    I’m so glad you are both exploring this dynamic and sharing it with us.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Nice piece, Thumper. I have to say it was really good to hear your thoughts on this. I’m late to the blogs and could never really see the connection because, I guess, the one sidedness since I don’t see him mentioned on yours. I aspire to be plugged like you with size but my Sir prefers a remote one that he controls by his smart phone. It’s small so I have no issue with size but I am constantly being buzzed, shocked and zapped at work which he loves (he’s my boss too as I went to work for his company) but I crave depth. I’ve asked him to read this and hope that he can mentor me as Drew did you. Thank you for being public.

    When do you take the fist?

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    1. We have a date on the calendar that’s about six weeks from now. Drew had me get a Bluetooth plug, too. It’s not impressively large but he’ll be able to do stuff to it from afar.

      It’s hard as a sub to accept when our Dominants don’t seem interested in pushing us in certain ways we’d like to be. I think it’s the sub’s responsibility to express their needs and desires but it’s also important to eventually accept their wishes. This, I think, is the hardest thing for subs to learn.

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      1. You are spot on with accepting what we have no control over. I admire seeing how he’s grown as a
        Dom and you as a sub through this journey. May I ask why you keep this so separate from your blog since you are using it to grow as a sub to Bella as well? My first thought was that you had a shame but then realized you are far beyond that so now I’m just curious. Oh, PS, orders the XL plug with Sirs approval after reading you.

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      2. No, it’s not shame. My blog is primarily about my relationship with Belle. Drew and others occasionally make guest appearances, but a post like this one would be out of place. Back when she first gave me permission to seek out other sex partners, this was part of the deal.

        The XL plus is where I started. It’s a good one. Enjoy!

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  3. Hi Thumper. Is this the week you take the fist? I would say fingers crossed but…

    My Master read your post and a lot of the blogs and has challenged me to think more like you. We ordered the xXXL yesterday and other things from Square Peg. I’m so yearning for the size but will miss the Bluetooth control. Isn’t that amazing?

    Cheers to a filled week ahead.

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  4. Thumper, thank you for sharing your thoughts. Boss Drew, thank you for pushing Thumper. I admire and am jealous (in a very healthy way) the relationship you guys have developed. Thumper, your words ring so close to home for me in regards to mind over matter. I have a deep desire to stretch my hole to new levels, but have lacked the motivation and personal belief to do so. The story you’ve shared in inspirational and gives me new found courage and desire. Sorry to be so melodramatic, but it’s true. I am so hopeful Boss will lead me on a similar journey. I’m way behind you. I’m starting with a WMCBP size large. I can’t imagine a XXXL, but at Boss’ encouragement, I’ve just ordered a XL. I hope I can make Boss Drew proud. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and experience. I can’t wait to read the next chapter: “Taking His Fist.” Maybe someday I can experience it also!!!
    alco

    Liked by 1 person

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