A few days ago Thumper posted something on this blog (yes, he can do that and is always encouraged to do so) about the evolution of our friendship and, while he didn’t say this directly, how we seem to have found a groove that, I suspect, might be something that can sustain itself as we have taken many items off of the table.
To go backwards, Thumper and I never quite fit into a preconceived relationship category. We were not just friends, but, even though we used the word, we were never boyfriends either. We were not Dom/sub or Master/slave though we, at times, had those elements because, well, he looks great in my collar. We were not fuck buddies, though we did fuck like rabbits, in part, because I have a dick and he doesn’t, but also because he has an ass that longs for training. We celebrated the fact that we were not these things, but that still left us with questions of what we were and how we should function, which, to be frank, caused some hurt feelings, confusion, and some even better sex.
However, what’s done is done and all of that mumbo jumbo served as a vehicle which we used to grow our kinky sides and to evolve where we each have now owned our kink a bit more than before. As he discussed in that post, I have worked with him steadily to help him understand his need to be dominated and, more so, his need to be penetrated. Through those things, I have come to understand my dominant side more and have found a comfort place with it where I can say that I don’t need “boyfriend moments” like I once thought I did. Though I care for him as a friend and know that if life dealt either one of us the cards where a friend is needed more than a kink we’d be there, I really do not see him on that level right now as much as I see him as the clay I am still molding (into various plug shaped items) and using as a sexual object and a way of growing my own dominant identity. My mind would have once asked me how I could see a friend as an object but now it just goes along with it because, for Thumper, that is really what he needs when with me and I am more than happy to oblige. The reality, as he said, is not much changes to the naked eye, but we know the dynamic has an edge and edges have consequences and those are what is fueling the fire as we each grow in opposite, yet very complementary directions.
As part of that, we know that we will have hot periods and cold periods which are based on life and our other halves, but from now on, when I visit, I am coming to come and in blocking his calendar he knows what will be required of him. Without the ambiguity that has plagued us we are both happier and will both grow in our respective roles and, trust me, he will be saying thank you.
On the home front, my growth in the dom aspect is also noticeable and Axel is quite happy about it. See, before, because he likes to lock me up and because I like that, we automatically put me in a sub role, but that’s not really the case at all. We are finally seeing that the chastity can and is being used as an element to fuel me (and him because it’s a turn on) so, with this new thinking, it feels pretty natural and Thump was also one to benefit from it as my unlocking occurred the morning of my last visit. Ax will still take the controlling role with the key and that’s wonderful and part of his grander plan which I will discuss soon.