Open.

Hello from 31,000 feet somewhere above a flyover state. I was seeing Thumper at the end of a work trip and after a niiiiiiice afternoon of the bisexual bunny tongue and a great dinner, he got what appears to be the flu, so I am coming home early to bathe in a tub of Purell. Now, I am disappointed that we didn’t get to go through with our original plans noted in previous posts, but I am also thrilled to not be the one with the “condition” and am joyous about coming home seven hours early – with an upgraded seat on top of it. But, this post is something I have been planning to write for awhile, so since there are no real fist worthy stories to share, I will just go back to regular programming.

This week’s subject: the word “open”.

We have talked a lot about this whole open thing and my appreciation for it, but, in all honesty, it’s really only been the last few months, or maybe weeks, that I have realized how much I actually really like it, value it, and, well, crave it. There are various reasons for this, which I will go into in a bit, but the open part, I have discovered, is really starting to go beyond just my marriage and really into my whole mindset too. It’s funny because when I think about my life, I am in an open career – multiple desks at multiple employers in multiple states and countries, an open marriage – the rabbit and a the husband and maybe more, and, new to me, a variety of open friendships – in various states, cities and countries with people who are not all like me – being built around open discussion, frank conversation, and no shame or judgment. I can honestly tell you that it’s a really recent occurrence that I can call a friend to brag about the size of the giant plug Thumper put in his ass while also talking about the boy I am going to see in a few weeks between conversations about my mother’s Alzheimer’s disease. I didn’t make friendships like these in college or high school and as I rapidly settle into middle age, I am thrilled to say it’s happening in real time, not just virtually.

This realization was poked this week by a few life events that just made me smile. That said, I have been in a funk and a half the last month or so because, do you remember my big career decision I had to make? Well, against everyone’s advice here which is based solely on people who have seen pictures of my penis, I said yes and the reality of the new career focus was not ass slamming crazy busy as expected, but s – l – o -w movement and a few months of being at the bottom of production reports instead of at the top. I hate that and that had me funky. But, the bigger part of this week is I randomly met a boy from Twitter, who I will call Bolt, that just made me crush all over him because he’s adorable, kinky, masculine, professional, and, from a very brief conversation and walk around downtown, he is managing to blend all of that together in a way that has created this web of caring and kinky that he can seek shelter in when he needs to. Now, I don’t know him that well yet (but intend to) to know where this falters as I am sure it’s not the ideal picture I just painted all the time, but when the first thing I did when Bolt and I parted was to call Axel to tell him he was a great guy and that I kissed him in my car, I had this thought about “how fucking cool is this?” At that moment it wasn’t about a potential anything other than a mental celebration of my husband being open enough to allow me to meet strangers who might one day be a friend, a naked friend, or both. I realized that if we didn’t have this, there would be voids in my life from people and things created over the last four years that have help shape and grow me and, at that moment, I really embraced the openness while craving more of it at the same time.

I never really thought much about the fact that an open marriage is about more than sexual relations outside the twosome, but it really is and I would reckon that those I know in marriages like mine would say the same thing. For us, the best part is that the lack of secrets or the willingness to let the other explore, has opened us up to each other more too. A case in point is this week, Axel and I were texting during the day about the insurance payment due and whether our neighbor will ever move their trash cans off the sidewalk and that turned into a “what are you and Thumper doing this week?” which turned into a “Oh wow, well, I think that when you are home I want you to…”, which led to erections and lusting and, with any hope, a fun weekend ahead. I mean, I am home early now.

Axel is exploring his own types of openness as well and, as scary as I thought it would be, it’s not. He’s becoming a bit more bold, a bit more out of his shell, and a bit less afraid of the unknown too and I find that sexy as fuck. He, of course, has people who rely on him in one spot every day and can’t jet around like I do while getting paid, so his is a bit more scattered and, well, vanilla, but still it’s working to bring us closer in more ways than just sex. He’s had a really rough few years physically, so it’s also something that I think is amazing to watch as he’s now less afraid to show his scars – literally – and that is a power move in my brain that makes me want to do good bad things to him more and more.

So, in an effort to make sure that happen, I will wrap this one now but will write the Bolt story soon, after, of course, I find out if he’s open to it.

2 thoughts on “Open.

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