It’s been an interesting week since I have been back from visiting the boy. A good week. Just interesting.
I am currently in Canada working with a team here that has me booked back to back all day in one hour meeting blocks, but they keep ending short leaving me with 10 minutes spaces to finally write down some of my thoughts.
As I have mentioned, the boy and I had a great time together, but was it too good? I ask that because when I got home, I was pretty blah. I missed the openness of kink around me and, maybe him, but we have not known each other well enough or long enough at that point to even begin to think that. I had Axel. I had Stella. I had everything and anything that makes me, as a person, happy, but for some reason I wasn’t satisfied. Instead of rolling with this, I worried and worried some more. I have a history of anxiety and some depression during stress periods and I thought that might be coming back, but it felt different. Axel noticed and, being the sweet therapist he literally is, he tried hard to make me feel better, talk it through with me, and remind me that, in the very beginning days of all of this, I felt the same way when I left Thumper and those times I would visit there. He told me that it was okay and that, of course, there were going to be feelings but the sheer fact I had them was one of the reasons he loves me and surely one of the reasons Bolt was drawn to me. In addition, I am preparing for almost a month gone from home, my longest trip ever, and in my mind it would almost be easier if things were not going well with anyone as the better they are the more I fear I will miss something when I am 17 hours ahead and 7,800 miles away.
So, this went on a few days and I was talking to my buddy on Saturday, who is a kinkster himself, and he said “Dude, you are experiencing kink drop. This is entirely natural”. He went on to explain that when he goes to a kink event or spends time with kinky people, the next few days are always like the day after Christmas because you find yourself surrounded by those who think and act like you and, as excited as you are to get back home, it’s hard to not feel like there is something missing because the gear is packed back away, the mortgage is due, and you are just dealing with your basic life. This resounded HUUUUUUGE in my brain because it just made sense. The life I left to go see the boy was the exact same as it was before the collaring, but I just didn’t have a sleepsack laying on the bed with a naked really hot man ready to spend the night in it just right there.
This also brought up a lot of feelings I used to have for Thumper when I would leave him from those initial kinky, sex and toy filled times I would visit that always left me wanting and needing more. I used to confuse those feelings, in my head despite the fact we had up a NO FEELINGS wall, but in hindsight it also had to be the kink drop because those times I would see him and we would eat and shop and not have anything sexual happen, I would leave with a “see ya in a few months” and just be up and done and not think twice about it. So, was that all just around the kink? Was it the day after Christmas type madness, etc? Despite that rule, Thump and I formed a relationship of some sort which was not romantic in the slightest, but different than what I have with my other friends and one that lasts to this day.
With Bolt, yeah, there are going to be more feelings because we are both open to them and not afraid of them, and neither is Axel. There were a few comments on my last post directed toward him asking him if he was scared of the emotion and he responded with a “not at all” which made me proud of him. It’s far too early to predict the future, but once I understood the kink drop, it made processing the possibilities much easier and viable.
So, questions to those of you in multi partner relationships, especially long distance ones, do you have the drop as well? For those not in these trios, do you experience this after events, etc?