Traveler’s Log: Day 17-ish.
Hello from Northern Australia today. I am heading to Tasmania in a bit, but wanted to check in and talk more about the events of what is feeling like the longest trip ever, but one that, now that I can see the end of, makes me a bit sad it’s ending because of the good things that have happened.
As I have written about before vaguely, one of my goals of this trip was to re-evaluate myself in ways that only being away from home for three plus weeks allows. I didn’t really know what it was I was seeking, but I just knew it was a time that I needed to come to peace with a few of my own demons at home such as not relaxing, not allowing Axel to even try to exert the control he was finding, and dealing with the fact that I was not ever allowing myself to be present in a moment. By that, I mean that I had reached a point where I could not enjoy a movie for worrying about what I was missing at work. I could not enjoy cuddle time with Axel for wondering who might be texting me. I could not enjoy being bound because my mind just plotted everything in life I was not getting done such as cleaning the house, doing some work report, or worrying about my friendships and/or worrying about some work email that could ruin my whole day, as those happen frequently since I work for someone who doesn’t know how to work unless it’s by being on fire. I knew and know that it is not healthy at all, but didn’t know how to deal with it and just chalked it up to having a job that has amazing pressure at times that pays me to undergo it.
Then came Australia.
My first two nights I hardly slept because of the above and, knowing that work and life is happening while you sleep, will drive someone like me mad. I woke up every hour and checked email, etc. Then, as you also know, it was the weekend and Mack and I went away to the middle of nowhere and I did better about worrying because I had amazing company and there was scant cell reception. But, the funny thing about sharing a bed with a stranger, in some ways, is you want to be on your best behavior even if not worried about sexual performance, so even when I woke up, I refused to look at the phone to even see what time it was. This was so unlike me that I would bet I surprised Axel who pretty much as the “go back to bed, Drew” ready to cut and paste into any text after ten, but, it surprised me too because I woke up happy. And, aside from one crisis with a friend that was crisis enough to warrant being awoken (story soon), every single night since I have followed that rule and I feel great.
Aside from sleep, Mack, who deep down is as wired as me in many many ways, had a bit of a talk with me about finding good music, good wine, and just being able to chill as it’s something he has learned to do more since his breakup. Now, I know this is not his every day action as he’s wound too, but he practices it enough that I could just tell he was in a happy place and I wanted to join him. So, music and wine have been part of my life since and I love both and plan to take this new addiction on the road with me as well because there is a calmness in there I was missing.
The other beauty of Mack, is that he’s not ashamed of his kinks and, though you’d never know it from the surface, that boy is a pervert and as I watched him insert a big plug in his ass at his Sir’s instruction, I was amazed. This Sir I mentioned, is a friend who is partially a Sir to him, partially a best friend, and partially an ex and they love each other dearly in the kinkiest of naked platonic ways. This Sir, who I will call Jeep for the time being, is married to a man who is a friend to Mack and who is just as understanding as Axel is of my dalliances. Like us, they have things that constantly need talking through and, from all indications, are doing quite well at it.
Now, I “met” Jeep through Mack 18 months ago as well and, while we have not had constant communication, we also hit it off to the point that when I meet him in person later this week, I have zero worries about whether we will get along in person or not. The best part about this is that Jeep and I have had some detailed talks over the last week or two about what I want to see in my submission to Axel and how I can lead a switch life where the sub side of me can be as fulfilled as my Dom side has become (a side I will not let go of and am now finding it easy to just drop in place with Thumper, Bolt, and others). It’s been incredible to have this sounding board and, what’s even more incredible, is that we have now introduced Axel into the mix and Jeep has agreed to mentor him as he and I revise our kinky relationship agreement that will likely go into place when I get home next week. Also, as an amazing perk, I will be spending two days at the end of the week as personal days and will be staying with Mack (though he will only be there one night) but Jeep is going to pick me up at the airport and hopefully spend some time with me the next day as we build our friendship in person. Jeep’s husband will also be brought into this mix too, but I don’t know him well enough to give him a name yet, but will do so expeditiously when prompted.
Bottom line, as I sit here on a Monday morning about to go to work, is that while the time away from home has SUCKED, it’s also been amazing and I will be leaving Australia with a filled level of contentment in myself, my kinks, and my two amazing friends and this feeling is something money cannot buy though it makes me as happy as an Amex gift card would at Apple when I think deeply on it.
Finally, speaking of content, I SAW FERNS AGAIN YESTERDAY! She’s as beautiful as ever and will be receiving her own post on here too soon!!
Reading this for the first time , it really moved me, you have written about some very personal struggles and growth. I thought it deserved a well thought about reply. But I can only come up with: Congrats for leaving the phone alone!
I recently had a time without constant access to the internet and I found it very refreshing. It made me focus on what is important. You are probably aware, VW, the car company, make their managers switch phones off when they leave the office. I guess not literally, but that is company policy. Downtime is relax, family, enjoy.
So, Enjoy, Relax. To good friends!