Hello from Sydney on what is my last night in Oz. I cannot wait to get home but also somewhat hate to leave. From a professional point of view, these weeks were huge and I am setting the stage for the next phase of my career. But, from a personal point of view, it’s been absolutely amazing as I think I have reset my point of view on so many things.
As I think most of you had figured out, I was burning out fast personally and professionally and made myself slow down enough to breathe and take stock of life, my loves, my future, and, most importantly, my kinks. For as much as I talk about them on here or other places, I willingly admit that I am far from being self accepting in what I want, need, or fantasize about. However, we all know how this has evolved since blog day one and will hopefully keep going.
But, this trip I spent time with Mack multiple times, to the point that I stayed in his house and felt more welcome there than I have at friend’s houses who I have known for my whole life. I had three meals in a row with Jeep and his husband, who I will call Huey, and, with work behind me, I just relaxed and breathed even more than I did the week before. We texted with Axel during these moments and shared pictures and places and it, in some weird little ways, it felt like he was with us. That made me happy. And, I think it did the other three too.
However, today was the clincher for me because the three of us shared a breakfast and Mack and I went on an adventure to see the city on foot after riding the train for a bit. We walked and took some pictures and, as the day was winding down and my flight was near, we went to a tiny outside bar on a concrete island in the middle of a river and had a beer where we each faced the water and we talked. We talked about what we each need in life. We talked about things about his divorce we had not gone into the details of before. We talked about Jeep and Huey and the dynamics of his submissive relationship with them and how this might play a role in how he moves forward in the dating pool and whether a locked dick would be a help or a hindrance (which, FYI, begs the question to you single guys, what would you think if you hooked up and found someone had a locked dick?). On my end, I talked about Axel and the, now more apparent than ever, rapid decline of my mother’s mental state and what that is going to mean for all these good things that have been happening as well as an addiction crisis with my best vanilla non cuddly friend that has literally shaken me to my core because I didn’t see it and even Axel, the trained one in these things, didn’t see it either.
It was during this moment, or conversation, where the wind blew just right and the air was just the right temperature and I had one of those outside myself moments where I just wanted to just fucking breathe and smile because, this moment, in this one moment, the conversations, the meals, the work events, the naked cuddles, and the sexy as fuck texts with Axel all lined in that warm breezy place and I felt happier and more loved than I can remember feeling in such a long time. It was happiness with a beer and a bestie. And it was one of those times I will remember forever and, luckily, I asked Mack to take a picture of me right there. That said, it’s not a great picture at all, BUT, it’s what it is and I will never forget this trip, despite the fact I had to work and I actually worked damn hard.
Contrary to my typical self as far as when I meet new people, this is not new relationship energy or a kink drop, this is genuine friendship and, though I am quite sad to not see these guys for awhile, I have zero doubt that this group will remain in my life forever, especially Mack who is an avid a texter as me. You know, when you think about it, this is a real bonus when you make friends after 40. And, as for distance, fuck it. I will continue to work here off and on, Mack is an American and has to come home occasionally, and we all have credit cards that buy plane tickets if and when the need occurs.
I will stop with these “nice” posts after this and will get back to my regularly scheduled posts about angst, things in Thumper’s ass (fyi, I see him in 2 weeks), and shiny metal peni, but, it occurred to me this week with my friend’s crisis that I am the guy who used to wince if someone said they loved me or if I had to say it to someone else, but, as the evolution of these life events is occurring, I decided I won’t be that guy anymore and proudly told Mack that I loved him when I left, cause I do and have no shame in saying it because I have such a respect for him and the friendship he has provided me. I think everyone needs to hear that sometimes without going into any spasms about their masculinity and I will make it a vow to say it when I feel it from now forward.
To Axel in absentia, Mack, Jeep, and Huey – thank you for being a part of the evolution of Drew. The time, texts, and diet coke purchases will always be a bit of my soul.
I do love you all in various ways we all may never know.
With much love,
Oh, Drew, that’s all so wonderful. I’m sure I speak for many when I say we are so proud of you and thankful you give us a window into your life. Know that your virtual stranger friends out here love you too. There’s plenty of love.
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Oh, and since love is a growth topic for you right now, check out a book called Love 2.0. It’s about the physical experience of love (brain, nerves, chemistry), how it works, how it is healthy, how to have more of it independent of romantically bonded relationships. I think you’ve figured much of it out, but it would give you some new ways to understand and language your experiences.
The Stately Pleasure Domme
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Ok, I love this post so much!!! Yay you, and I think your new friendships rock!
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… I will make it a vow to say it when I feel it from now forward.
A valuable life lesson if ever there was one. It’s lovely to “see” you calm, happy, and at peace with yourself.
Drew, quite a nice post, but it has me worried. You have a tendency to be softhearted and you told a friend you loved him, even as a friend, two weeks after meeting? That’s crazy dude. There’s no way he felt the same nor the other two who see, like nice birds.
I encourage you to see where this is coming from. Is it because Thumper dumped you? Hurt from what you are not getting at home?
Maybe Mack will prove me wrong in time, but just don’t put your heart in friendships.
Drew, After 2 years and after some of our long text messages, video calls and face time it was a pleasure to spend time with you here in Melbourne.
Huey and I loved the time we got to spend with you and we felt like we have known you for years. We look forward to your return trip – with Axel – so we continue to build on our strong friendship and connection.
Nothing else to say but ‘love you too’.
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That’s a nice reply, Jeep, and I guess I was wrong on a few levels, though I often thing Drew can go to relationship extremes and wondered if those there knew that.
Great post! Those moments are indeed the one’s that drive us forward through tough times. Thanks for sharing it with us!
I feel for your friend with addiction issues. Trust me, I know the pains all too well. Penning a post shortly on the latest chapter in 26’s life. Sadness, pain, but a great deal of HOPE!
I just love this post and I think I love Mack. I mean, really, really love Mack. Of all your friends you have mentioned, I think Mack brings out the best in you and I hope you do the same for him. I know it’s Drew’s blog, but Mack if you read these comments, I speak for the internet when I say we’d love to hear from you on this or any post – or even start your own blog. Discretion aside, from your pic, fuck you are hot but since I am locked in a cage too, I can only dream. Seriously, boys, it may have just been a weekend or two for you, but knowing that you met through a kinky source and knowing how you two bonded, it’s really made me feel good about being online and have a faith in people that friendships can form that might possibly really last and be rewarding in real life.
Thanks again, boys.
Good afternoon from Sweden. Mack, I echo Locked Mike in that, HOT. But, I lock boys versus being locked, so want to come to Sweden? Respectfully, I honor you both and admire the fact that a male, even gay, can admit that they love a friend. Jane can fuck off because she don’t get it and probably wont.
You bots don’t let this friendship go and same for Jeep.
Now Mack, I am going back to the GWM ad Drew did, where do I apply?
Cute bunch of boys you’ve got on your arm there Mr D. Mr black tee looks positively lockable.
Buahaha, i was going for lickable, but autocorrect of lockable in this very unusual context works too!