Hello from the sky. I feel like I should start this post with a “heads up” that I am going to go a bit more personal than I typically do for multiple reasons. I realize that this being a pseudo sex blog where I rarely talk directly about sex is an odd format in many ways, but what I have also realized through the now years of writing this is that there is a group of men, and a few women, in the decade or two before me who are figuring out life and use these blogs, tumblr, and various other porn and information filled avenues to get a view on what a kinky person can look like and how they can exist in the real world full of with real world issues.
While I in absolutely no way profess to have the kink thing down at all, I do realize that the fact that since I outed myself in writing as the kinky gay guy that fucked internet chastity legend Thumper, I have collected a group of kinky men which now includes a locked boy who I collared (Bolt); the sub, chastised ex-boyfriend bunny whose ass I still own in many ways, and plan to claim officially with a fist soon (aforementioned Thumper); a best friend who designs and crafts the most amazing chastity devices in the world (Chris); another accidental best friend in the Southern Hemisphere who I deeply treasured and adore for many reasons including his kinky complex career driven mind that runs akin to mine in the fact that it won’t stop running 200 possible scenarios – for anything (Mack) (read that last part fast 20 times and you will get a clue as to what my brain is like); another amazing man in the same hemisphere as Mack that I now call Sir (oh yeah, spoiler alert) (Jeep); and a therapist husband who is rapidly accepting his dominance over our relationship despite the fact that I have the dominant career that colors every single aspect of our lives (Axel).
I write about this stuff to show those generations that, despite being kink inclined and despite having weird thoughts about what you want to put where and how great the pain will be when you do so, you can build an amazing life that includes a complex career – if you so desire, a marriage that accepts and incorporates your fetishes long term – if you want that, and a group of people who surround you who bring out the best of you, kinks and all, at almost all times of the day. This is a learning game for all of us and if by me writing the personal side every now and then helps someone see that, then I feel like my mission is accomplished.
That got long, but, but the gist of this story is that over the last few weeks I have been in one of the most reflective places I can remember being. I should say this reflective place is not a bad place at all and I think we all need these times, but this particular one is a combination of outside forces that are all independent in many ways yet so dependent on key little aspects within them that it’s almost impossible to solve one without the other being a factor. As some background, in my real life I have some significant, very good, career opportunities looming that could change a lot about the future for both Axel and myself. While the timing sucks, this is something I have worked my ass off for since university but there is a huge guilt about possibly taking it, because of factors outside of my control. One of these is a parent, who at 73 and though stable for a long time after an early onset, is now rapidly feeling the effects of Alzheimer’s and there is a feeling of abandonment being away. Another is the same dominant spouse who once was a semi-magnificent athlete who is now in pain 24/7 due to the semi factor of magnificent causing a wicked accident and multiple surgeries that changed him which sparked his own reflective period. Neither these, or any of the 117 other things that are on my mind, will actually make or break anything, but they are factors. On the kink side of things, this is one of those times that I wish we had figured it all out years ago so we/I could dive into the realm of service and submission to use that as an escape from the real world for a bit – not unlike how some people use golf, travel, art – but we regrettably did not get to that place where it was just easy in time, though I promise you we continue to try and will continue to thrive. We are just a bit later than some.
The larger issue, for me, that looms over everything in my personal life is a loss of tradition that come with family and family protocols as my blood family, which was never really large, moves on and/or out of reality. I have no idea why this one part has troubled me so, but it’s been something that I know I am not the only one to struggle with. This led me to look of some of the kink community and realize that many have formed their own families – even some with fancy crests and pecking orders – and I found that to be fascinating and satisfying at the same time. However, it was in a conversation with Jeep that I realized that, that family unit, though not by blood, is exactly what I have been looking at, for, and possibly even have the start of, though nothing formal, and this fact is something that brings a smile to my face every single time I think that way. When I look at the above listed players, the dysfunction in each relationship alone screams family and that is a wicked cool way to begin looking at those in the “inner realm”. There is nothing unhappy about these thoughts at all and there is certainly something to be said for that.
The next few weeks will be interesting, to say the least, but they do not scare me and, through the power of this “family” and the secure connections within it, it’s actually a refreshing feeling to know that these people are there no matter what. Also, this is not meant to be a down, poor me, everyone wish me better post, because none of that applies. I truly share this as just a glimpse of what a real kinky person in the real professional world looks like as he semi-gracefully ages out. Nothing bad at all.
Okay, that’s it for personal. Hopefully Thump will write a post right after this talking about his ass and what’s in it, you know, to lighten the mood or something.