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Hello from somewhere over Queensland from seat 5a (and from Mack who is next to me in 5b -as he flew to meet me to spend some time together before he starts a big, new adventure). The longest trip of my life is coming to a close and, professionally, it’s been a really good few weeks and, personally, it’s been even better, despite the fact I am in a pissy mood today.

The beauty of now working primarily on the other side of the globe is I have found a new freedom to express my kinks and discuss, quite openly with strangers, the idea of control, how I love, like, and hate it. This is followed by and how all of these elements are now playing a part in my daily life and this is something I still find myself amused that I was doing. For instance, earlier this week I was chatting with a lad on Scruff about kinks and, within minutes, I was showing him pics of Mack’s locked cock – accidentally in that because I was looking for mine, saw the Axel and forgot special people in my life also wear it from time to time and, for one fleeting moment, I had a dick as big as Mack’s.

The next day, I reconnected with the beautiful, and I mean beautiful, Master slave couple I met two years ago in Sydney.  I had the pleasure of watching these two professionals by day/leather by night men interact with each other in tones that just emulated authority, respect and, well, love. The Master was kind enough to offer his boy be available to show me things should I request it, but, not really knowing what to do with that, I said I preferred to watch him use the boy. He did and, within minutes, he showed me exactly how the boy is trained in ways that showed all the same elements of the the daily interactions mentioned above.  I was impressed, I was turned on, and, in some ways, I was a bit worried because I am just not one to ever be in the room while others are having sex though I was quickly able to channel that use the energy for my lessons. The use continued and Master asked me if there was something I was most curious about and, based on some of the posts he had read on here, he knew fisting was on table for the rabbit. He asked me if I would like to see it and have him show me how to use my hand and then asked the boy if he’d be up for it. After lookIng at the size of my hands and after having a slight gasp, his answer was “of course, Sir” and what immediately followed was me gathering towels (apparently they didn’t need to be soaked in boiling water like they are in movies when a lady goes into labor in a car – oh the looks I got), boy getting comfy, and me sitting inches away from a newly gaping asshole as Master showed me how to move my fingers, how to twist my arm, and how to listen for signs of good or bad. It was soon my turn to go and, while I did manage most of my hand, my size was just too much. So, while I may not have achieved the goal, I do now have knowledge and a certificate that only certain people are allowed to see (Hiiiiiiiii Thumper).

Fast forward a week or more and last night Mack and I had an adventure as we went to dinner with two of his friends followed by drinks at a local, very local, bar. Mack was immediately hit on by a gorgeous young Aussie who immediately gained all of Mack’s attention and created the first of several violations of the bro code for the evening/weekend, but they were cute together, so I vowed to let it go. Now, after what felt like about two hours of me standing all lonely like against the wall watching my best friend have fun without me (phrased in a Jewish mother way just because I can tease Mack a bit), I decided to go home as it was about 1:36 in the morning and I  was flat tired. Mack agreed and, to his delight, young sexy Aussie was in the back seat of the Uber with us regaling him with stories of the fun he had had at recess this week and summer camp last year. I honestly was absolutely fine with this and very very happy for Mack, as we had a two bedroom suite. We arrived, they went to the room on the  left, I went to the main room on the right and from the sounds through the wall I could tell that Mack was  proudly showing him how far he could spread his legs. My portable speaker was just not enough to cover this fun. The small voyeur part of me enjoyed this and, as I laid on the bed without clothes on – since its was bedtime, Mack quietly slipped into my room, himself naked, and said, “um, young sexy Aussie wants to know if you would like to watch“.  I was rather dumbfounded and after asking Mack if he was fine with it, I jumped out of bed and proceeded to watch my best friend do things I didn’t know he could do and my respect for him increased dramatically (remember, we used to call him PlugBoy). I was incredibly impressed, slightly turned on, but really uncomfortable and worried about where to stand and what exactly to look at more than anything else. Also, like everything else in my mind, as Mack’s naked ass waived in the air, I saw something I had forgotten to pack, noticed that the light outside was left on, and then critiqued every piece of furniture in the room. I was very very happy to be a part of this, felt special that I was asked, but incredibly and immediately mad at myself because I didn’t know what to do and was not standing there with a raging erection like I am supposed to do according to Tumblr. Again, I do know that this was not something covered in Miss Beverley’s cotillion classes when I was eleven so I have an excuse, but I felt like the big naked guy in the room without a role and without a plan.  However, I learned a lot and, when you are not an actual participant, watching other men orgasm is almost a funny thing. In this case I compared it to Elaine’s dancing in Seinfeld, but won’t tell you which one or why.

A few hours later and on the plane we sit and I am in a funk because both of these sexual experiences and including the bar experience of feeling alone, brought up so many inadequacies in my head that I have spent most of the day questioning why I can’t operate like a slut or why am I not comfortable just diving into sex like most of my friends would. These things, combined with the regular end of a long trip shit, just really ruined the day, though I know it will get better soon. Mack and I talked a lot about this today and it’s just so funny where we all personally find ourselves out of our box. As a for instance, yesterday morning I gave a presentation to 60 people for almost four hours. My guide was late and go us lost in the rain, so I walked in 20 minutes after it was supposed to start, dripping wet, and clicked open my visuals and started immediately covering some pretty serious topics without blink and without the slightest hint of hesitancy. Then, 12 hours later I can’t talk to anyone in a bar, crazy!

So, here are three stories of the last few weeks. There are more and, like we always try to do when I am gone, Ax and I are planning to “step it up” in our kinky sex lives the minute I walk in the door, so, if that happens, I promise photos.


  1. Sounds like a good time was had but all?

    Will this be the new “normal” for work travel…long stays in Australia?


  2. Thank you for sharing.

    How nice of Mack to travel to meet you! He is a very good friend!

    I look forward to hear more about your adventures and new experiences.
    It encourages me to go out and try more.


  3. Thanks for giving voice to one of those ‘I thought I was the only one in the world that felt this way’ situations. Some of us don’t have the same mechanisms for how we approach/engage in/enjoy sexual situations and even though I love (love love love love…) bondage and the wilder side of man to man sex, I feel 1000% clumsy and out of place in a gay bar, in a three (or more) way, or when cruised by a man I would definitely want to do unspeakable acts with. As you say, I wish I could be more of a ‘slut’ and just dive in with a rock hard cock and enjoy the cum drenched melee….but it just doesn’t work.

    This isn’t a shyness thing at all….I can lead a press conference, present complex topics to a room full of engineers or industry big wigs, and charm the pants off of straight women (no thank you). But, when it comes to getting my game on with a hot man who I would just as soon hogtie and torment (or vice versa), I get stupid and then spend the next few days in self-flagellation (not the fun kind at all).

    So, I have followed your postings about your relationships and explorations, your love of chastity (YAY for locked cocks and plugged holes), and your introspection for awhile, but this posting hit home for me in a way I felt I needed to simply say, Thank you…I am not the only one!!


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