“The Bisexual of the North”, a conversation with Mom.

It’s been awhile since I have written a Mom post, but it’s been awhile since we have been able to have conversations alone when she was in a good place. As long time readers know, I am a lucky bastard because I have one of the best mothers on the planet. She is incredibly accepting, witty, and almost intuitive as she used to discuss me and Thumper in a general way as if she had read the blog. However, as you also know, a bit over a year ago she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and the last 14 months have been an interesting ride through medications, therapists, and neurologists trying to give her the best of care while preventing too much mental slippage to happen as rapidly as it used to. In her case, we’ve been lucky in that while the first two, major medicines did not work for more than a few weeks, the combo she is on now, though wildly expensive even after insurance, is working and there are days when there are more glimpses of her old self combined with the new. Today was one of those days and I have smiled all day because, for the most part, old Mom was present.

With my travel so heavy lately it’s been awhile since I was able to really just chill with my parents and spend more than an hour as my time is generally spent explaining, again, the correct input for “the Netflix” while explaining that it’s not the same as “the Hulu”. Today was “technology Sunday” which meant that I needed to take the time to update the OS of both of their iPhones, iPads, watches, and, somehow, their car, so we had a lot of time to just talk while we watched the little apple gears spin.

We were making small talk when suddenly, out of nowhere, I hear, “Drew, how are your boyfriends doing? You never talk about going to Minnesota anymore”. Wow. She just fired it out right there, though I didn’t know what she meant by the plural. At this point my Dad decided something in the yard needed his attention – even though it was raining – as he is always rolling his eyes when she goes outside the lines he thinks is not “proper talk”. So, I decided I should just go with it and say “oh, he’s fine, we have not been in the same country a lot lately so I haven’t been up there“. She looked pretty forlorn and said, “you know, you have to put yourself out there as relationships take effort. I am sure Axel would agree.” Now, the Axel comment was less about the open thing and more about how she likes to think his role as a therapist will always back her points – any points. So, I said “yes, Mom, I agree, but what kind of relationship do you think I have with him?“. It was funny because she looked at me like “you don’t know?” which made me melt because even though she is just in her early 70’s, she has shrunken and had the look of a child in her eyes and then she said “well, he’s your friend, isn’t he, or did I mess that up?” I confirmed that which was followed by “now he’s a bisexual, correct, from the North?“. Again, I confirmed which was followed by “and his wife knows and allows this, right?“. I was so wondering where this was coming from and, apparently so was she because the conversation paused for a bit due to a dramatic scene on “Gibbs, from the Netflix (NCIS btw)” and I went about my updating knowing that based on prior experience she might be done. Then, she said, “you know, Drew, I really admire his wife. In fact, I just like her. She’s apparently intelligent and understands that his sexuality is just who he is, right? I mean, good for them. You and Axel should learn from them (“like, WTF Mom?”). You tell them I said hello” (you know, as if she has met them multiple times).

Now, “the bisexual from the North” was really making me giggle (though I am replacing “from” with “of” to make it Game of Thrones-ish), but I was not enjoying this conversation at all. The iPads were not even at 50% so I was stuck. Stuck. Mentally I was working out what I would say should this conversation come back to me or worse, me and Axel and sex, but it didn’t.

Well, it didn’t until the masochist in me couldn’t stand the fact she had said “boyfriends”, so you know I had to ask. However, the mood had past and the conversation was over, (though I suspect she was talking about Mack in Australia, but who knows) and we spent the next 20 minutes coming up with response lines for the ladies in her card group who insist that Trump should be respected. She will never remember what we came up with, but we did have fun coming up with them, including the phrase “well, fuck you, Mildred” She will never actually say that to Mildred, but I am certainly enjoying the vision of her doing so. Moms.




  1. Completely unsolicited not-advice:

    Research has shown that physical exercise, especially bilateral movements (think: walking and swinging/pumping your arms opposite as you propel forward) and hand-eye coordination practices, help reinforce existing neuropathways and build new ones (it’s the same process that happens as knee-knockers start becoming miniature people) in patients with alzheimers.

    If she’s on a med regimen that works, hopefully she can/does also engage in regular physical activity for even 15 minutes a day…

    Well, let’s just say I’ve seen amazing things happen. 🙂

    {Again, not advice. Just sharing.}

    I’m glad she’s back to having her regular ‘mom moments’. 🙂


    1. Oh thank you!! One of the neuropsychologists said the same thing,so they “play a game” of making sure all the circles on the Apple Watch fill in. We go for 30 minutes of movement and 300 calories!


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