Hope or Delusion? The Modern Kinky Personal Ad

Over the last two weeks I have been to five countries and thirteen cities. This is just my life and not the point of this post, but one of my habits in each place is to always look at Scruff, Recon, or similar (I am too old to have a Grindr account) to just look at the men and see who is there. Plus, it’s not secret that I have met and made some really nice friends from these places, so it’s always, well, sometimes, a win/win.

While this is just as likely to occur in the straight vanilla world just as much or if not more than what I see in mine, there its a sense of hope or delusion or something that these people are going to find THE perfect match in some way or another and, in many cases, it seems like they will be unwilling to settle.

By this, there are the standard  5’2″ 400 pound men who insist that they can only dominate men “who care about their bodies and work out” or the “must be height/weight proportional”, we’ve all seen the hypocrisy in those ads (and no, this isn’t fat shaming, this is just reality and the lack of proper mirrors in some homes). But, these ads are not really the ones that I am talking about as I am focusing more on the ones that think they might also find a magic lamp in their posting.

Specifically, the ad that made me think about this was last weekend when I was in rural Tasmania and there was a local guy on recon whose ad said the following:

“Single, 48 year old kinky Master in XXXXXX village seeking slave to own part time leading to full time. Seeks hispanic male, ages 33-36, between 5’10” and ‘6’2″, must be smooth, must have post graduate degree, must be willing to accept complete ownership, MUST BE LOCAL and do not message if not.

Now, there are so many things wrong with that ad in general, but the MUST BE LOCAL just really made me giggle, especially because finding any hispanic man, much less an 6’1 kinky smooth slave is not that easy in all of Australia, but in rural, in the mountains, Tasmania? It made me giggle for hours because how in the hell can he even think he’d find that?

BUT, then I started thinking about it a different way that if this dude REALLY wants just this type and REALLY thinks that this tall, smooth, educated hombre will REALLY make him the perfect Master, then why not put it out there? I thought about messaging him to ask about his luck but, even though I am 6’1 and have the degrees,  I am far from hispanic and smooth and way over age, so I didn’t want to “disrespect” him by messaging – lol.

So, if this and only this will make his world, then good for him. However, I think I may have to start a personal ad coaching business to help the rest of the people phrase things a bit more realistic. I mean, in my muggle job I coach executives about how to be a better leader, so it certainly could apply here as well. I believe in disclaimers and feel everyone can say “muscle guys are my biggest attraction, BUT, that doesn’t rule out others” or something similar. Of course, maybe I just feel that way because 20 years ago my ad would have said (or maybe it did being aol and all) “most attractive to short, blond, light eyes, tall, smooth men with sweeping hair and a very outgoing personality” but I then married a quiet tall hairy man with a balding head of dark brown hair and eyes so dark I often wonder if he has demon blood, You know, exactly my type – Ha, but despite the fact he looks nothing like my ad, I love him madly anyway and am very glad I included the disclaimer.

So, I ask, you know for my future editing business, are these ads full of hope or delusion? or, does it matter at all?

The other question is why do I care? I mean I am always offended by the ones that discriminate by saying “No Asians” or “HIV negative only” or the ABSOLUTE WORST “Clean only” and really wish those could be reported, but if people are reaching for the stars in non offensive ways why should I worry?

Anyway, this was a nothing post about really nothing but am curious as to how others read these and if you read them with hope or with delusion in mind of the writer?

6 thoughts on “Hope or Delusion? The Modern Kinky Personal Ad

  1. I often read them as written out of desperation. By that I mean If I could only find The Perfect One™ my entire life would just fall into place. It feels to me that these folks are placing an awful lot of weight on a relationship, much like the proverbial couple having a baby to save their marriage.

    It also causes me to wonder that if they are willing to put that many expectations in writing, what other unrealistic expectations do they have that they are keeping to themselves that will eventually pop out like some evil, toothy, jack-in-the-box clown.

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  2. I don’t date, and therefore do not use dating apps, so I may be really off base here, BUT:

    My first thought on that “I live in BFE and have all these veerrrry specific boxes that must be checked” ad was to wonder whether those criterion actually apply to a specific person who resides there. Like, “I’m into Person Q, but he doesn’t know I exist, so maybe if I put out an ad that makes it obvious I’m talking about HIM and only him, then he’ll buy a clue.”

    Or something.

    Because otherwise… Yeah. Beyond DSM-V. Delusional.

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  3. I recommend guys avoid ads that are too specific even if they might be a fit because the posters may have other qualifications that they don’t tell you until you show up.

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  4. The ad clearly suggests the writer is reality-challenged. Considering how much he apparently expects, and how little he says about himself, no worthwhile sub should bother–and by the way, to me being submissive does not mean being inferior in worth, only in position. If a sub really were inferior goods, why would I want him?

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