I feel like owe those who follow me an apology because I just took an unplanned leave of absence from the blog and kink world over the last six weeks or so, but I won’t apologize. I will, however, offer an explanation of more than just my regular busy with work thing. And, yes, I absolutely fucked myself with work because I was chasing an elusive mark that would propel me into a second quarter bonus opportunity that would make life a lot more fun this Fall. It’s something I said I would never do when I reached other milestones in my career, but when it is right there in front of you, it’s like the perfect penis. It’s hard to not just reach out and touch it lightly, then fondle a tad, followed by a grab, and then before you know it, that thing is so deep inside of you that you cross the line from amazing sensual sexual fucked to full on being fucked as the lube starts to dry out. For me, that meant the last six weeks has been 17 cities, 49 flights, two continents, seven countries, and lots of Diet Coke and McDonalds.

In addition to this, someone I love as much as life (not Axel) fell off the wagon after 11 months clean from a pretty nasty addiction to meth that, while not ever having been discussed in this blog, involved me finding him on the floor about 15 months ago, his confession of at least a year’s prior addiction, and lots and lots of handholding and family nights with him at the after work group therapy place. He was doing so well – until he wasn’t when friends found him high again while I was down under. I returned from Australia at the last minute to hold his hand a bit before going back just four days later. It was under control and there were plans for structured counseling and more hand holding so I went back, came home ten days later and then he stood me up for dinner. Knowing the patterns of behavior now like I do, I used my keys and found him on the floor again. I honestly thought he was dead and as I was checking for breathing he woke up. He jumped. I screamed. He punched me. I screamed. He pissed himself. We rode to the mental hospital. He stayed. I left.  Subsequently, I got so incredibly angry that I could not focus on ANYTHING for a week or so. Unfortunately, it was a very pivotal week for me as I had two huge presentations to do, one with my boss, and I fucked them up beyond belief and am still paying for them, and likely will for years as I suspect a client will be lost.

I left Ax to deal with this since the initials after his name say that’s his specialty and because I was just flat out tired. We all knew he needed immediate help and Ax and some therapy buddies were able to find a 30 day facility in Oregon and hire a former military companion addiction escort to fly next to him and deliver him behind doors of the facility. The whole thing was so expensive and, luckily, he’s a mid-fifties banker that could cover it, but I could not get my mind off of what someone without that level of support would be able to do in the same situation. It crushed me.

Dealing with that, the incredibly weird jet lag that followed, the lost client, and my Alzheimer’s mother temporarily not knowing my name for the first time almost broke me, but it didn’t. Of course, over in Thumper Land he was unlocked and not feeling kinky at all, so that right there signaled the world was off track, big time! It was weird and a bit of a lost feeling, but I am not one to dwell in that area more than needed.

So, in a moved that surprised even me, I started watching my Twitter friends more and quietly reading and following them from the side and had the best damn time! It’s amazing how the like button can just create little families of strangers that can say the right thing at the right time, even when it has NOTHING to do with the situation at home. I love these strangers.

After that, Ax and I were introduced to a hot little pocket gay in his 30’s who wants nothing more than to be a slave to an “older” couple. It moved very fast and was very fun, but in the light of reality, we will not rush things and I am set to meet him in person in mid-July when we are in the same place.

Then, I decided to take some time off and will be home (with a few work calls here and there) for the next week and then Ax and I are going to a Hawaiian beach for the 10 days after that where we have promised each other kink and sex and naked time galore (and the completion of about 27 home projects too)

I cannot wait.

Of course, my Dom side is racing now too – so this should be a fun week.

So, I’m back. Be warned


  1. Slow Down ….. Take a Deep Breath you have a lot going on. Trust Me I’ve been dealing with PTSD for the past 19 years Vietnam Vet, Came Out when I came Home. Returned in 1998 and been in therapy since have learned a lot about things over these years. Don’t Be Lead around by the Head of Your Dick.LOL Cheers from San Francisco.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So sorry that you had such a stressful time at work and with your friend. I hope he is coming through. Really glad you are taking a holiday. You need that now. What is a “Pocket gay”?
    I look forward to hearing how many of your 27 jobs you actually get done and not get distracted by tumblr or other media on the internet. Best wishes, Silke


  3. Sorry to hear about your friend’s relapse.

    Enjoy Hawaii. MrsL and I are going again in February for our 30th!


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