Submission?

I am long past due on an update to 2.0, but I just have not had it in me to write even though a lot is going on. As those of you who have followed me a long time know, I waffle on my switchiness with some things and times feeling very dominant and, then, very submissive at others. This is currently wreaking havoc in my head even though I do realize that I don’t actually ever have to pick just one. But, before we get into that, a bit of an update of sorts as since the last post I have seen Thumper (where I felt Dom-ish), met my Twitter legend friend Kiwi, and almost had a lunch date with my beautiful and beautifully talented Australian wife, Ferns, before I had to cancel to do a work thing, and am on my last day of a 3 week trip to the other hemisphere. Tomorrow I go home and I am so happy that the idea of 18 hours on one plane does not even phase me.

On the work front, it’s been interesting because two weeks ago I actually declined an invitation for a promotion because I have just reached a level in my career where I am happy and can stay where I am and be just fine. On the surface, we were not talking anything major salary wise as this would be a status thing with more staff under me, but I think I am done. This was a quick and easy decision, but I cannot explain how much it bothered me a few days later because my whole career has been about the next level and then the next level, etc. It felt a bit like giving up, even though I still have everything I wanted.

Around the same time, Axel’s domination game has stepped up even more than before and I find myself at a position where I feel I have to really fully embrace it or be the guy that wished forever and then wasn’t happy when he got it. I think, driven mostly by the fact that the thought of him in a dominant role, like a strict dominant role, now makes me more erect than I think a troop of naked firefighters walking through my house would, is a pretty good sign that I have drunk the Kool Aid and ready to lock the collar. In fact, while he likes me locked, he is often bothered by the fact that I can get hard in my devices, so a few says ago he ordered a new full cage from Steelwerks for me that he promises will have “special features” he has worked out with Chris. Do you know how hot that is even if he left me to pay for it? (that makes it hotter). He will always allow me my Dom side and has even embraced it, but all of this together has been that fear in the distance that has finally come out and its time to face it.

My hesitancy with this is something I don’t think I ever wanted to admit because I know it’s in my illogical brain versus the logical one, but there is still a part of me that feels if accept the full sub role with the man I love and even trained to be a Dom, that it will make me less of a man somehow.

Again, I know this is not the case as I can see sub after sub be able to be stunning, brilliant, masculine men and then yet a more stunning slave, but for me the image gets cloudy and I just cant see it, even though it seems to be quickly approaching on the horizon. My logical mind tells me that I can and will have it all (collar at home but collar key holder outside)  but that worries me as my Dom side will surely creep out.

So, I need advice (and not judgement on this) but how do you guys find the masculinity in submission?

 

 

 

 

14 thoughts on “Submission?”

  1. Lovely to meet you too Mr Drew.

    My hawt take is the the inversion of the masculinity is a key part in making this kind of male submission work.

    The more masculine and alpha you are the bigger the inversion that willingly submitting to an other is. You can’t spell perversion without perverse, after all!

    I think willingly is the key as it’s not the ‘I WILL BREAK YOU’ domly dom dom crap, but as someone innately powerful and strong handing over control of that is an act, not a lack of masculinity.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Heh, and I like being a legend, with the stress on the past tense.

    There was once talk of a man that used to be seemingly naked, all the damn time.

    Like

  3. Hi handsome: I read your blog post. There is absolutely nothing unmasculine in being a slave, unless your Master wants you that way (which I’m pretty sure He doesn’t). This is what you want, and I think have wanted for a long time. I don’t feel less masculine when I am Sirs property, in fact, I feel more so. And there is nothing un-masculine about you. A year ago I was in a marriage that had stopped being sexual for years for a whole number of reasons and I was unhappy and depressed. Now, I’m in permanent chastity, I’m owned, I’m breeding stock, I’ve got big things in my ass most of the time when I’m ordered to, and my marriage is better than ever since my husband is an active part of my “new life”. I have never been happier or more fulfilled. The difference between you and me is that my Master is not my husband. My marriage is still mostly as it was, except I don’t have access to my cock without Hubby or Sir, since they have the keys, and I like that Hubby gets to decide when he wants to use my cock and when he doesn’t and I don’t get to decide either. I would proudly wear Sir’s collar 24/7 (and still feel dominant in my other relationship), except the hubby said no to that. Me as a slave is a somewhat separate persona, and it has a different name, but I find it easy for the two to co-exist. It took me 20 years to finally realize that I need to be a Man’s property. Submission is a choice that you are making. There isn’t anything feminine about it unless you want it to be. I have 150 people who work for me, and all the other pressures of life, and it is such a gift to be able to leave that all behind and just focus on one thing; serving my Master. My thinking: accept the collar, give up the keys to your cock, and embrace what you are (at least try it and see).

    Like

  4. Wait: I’m the wife now? Where’s my ring, boy?!

    Boo for our missed lunch :(. I had to drink that bottle of champagne all by myself *sad-face*.

    I admire you for turning down a promotion that wasn’t going to improve your life: I know that driven career professionals can easily forget to assess their happiness or job satisfaction or life/work balance in chasing the rungs on the ladder and they will take it even if it actually makes their lives LESS happy. Kudos to you for doing that assessment and making that choice.

    “there is still a part of me that feels if accept the full sub role with the man I love and even trained to be a Dom, that it will make me less of a man somehow.”

    I’m obviously not a malesub, but I think knowing a thing and feeling a thing are two completely different animals. From my perspective, in talking to a lot of men who struggle with their submission for this same reason, there has to be a mindset shift. I generally to go ‘knight & queen’ as the archetype: The knight is under bond to his queen, he protects, fights and serves at her pleasure. No-one would ever consider that ‘less of a man’.

    Also it gives me an excuse to post this :):

    Ferns

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I have never responded to any of your posts before but have followed you for a long time and your experiences both mild and wild.
    I find your present predicament one that pushes me to try and help or assist you in your direction, however a little about my self if I may so you know who is asking you to take the time to read through his thoughts on your post not as a criticism or judgement but as a thoughts whilst thinking from one kinky perve to another. An Englishman, ( living in Europe not UK ) 60 year old gay man who was married for 11 years to a wonderful woman ( no Kids found out she could not ) and we both knew I was gay but put on a facade on for many years to one and all. Eventually I gave in and had to separate which took a lot of guts and courage as I was not out to any of my family and the longer I left it the harder it got to do the right thing and tell them. Well Little sister was my confidant and got me to spill the beans one night to my parents whom I was afraid of loosing as I was not sure of there feelings about gay life etc or even having a gay son who had been lying to them ( and himself ) for so long. My ex military Farther was my worry as he was always a strict but firm man, I did love him but felt I could never say it in words. Long story short they said they always had there thoughts about my sexuality but loved me no matter what and would never make judgements as so long as I was happy and safe then it was of no concern. From that day forth I was able to Hug my farther and tell him I loved him

    My relationship situation now is my wonderful man David who for the last 15 years has and always will be the love of my life. He is a younger man than my self and we laugh and love life experiences together, his being younger keeps me young and I like to think my life experience makes him a little wiser.

    I have been into Bondage since my early teenage years or as long as I can remember and my first wank ( masturbation ) was in a coat I had put on back to front and having slid down between the wall and my bed feeling trapped and wow what an explosion. I had to wear the coat to go fishing with mates the next day to then be able to clean up the mess inside so my parents would not see it !!

    I have lots of experience as a top basically giving out what I felt I would enjoy my self and as such that’s the head space I work from as at an early stage I found some one as a bondage top who did all the right things for me not actual sex by way of intercourse but more by way of being bought to cum by touch words and events. In a way he taught me all that I know and still to this day am always in respect of what I consider his skills were.

    I have always wanted to be sub in my Bondage world but in truth have never found any one who could actually get into my head space other than the past very early experienced man I spoke of previously so I used to Top to get my Bottom kicks in a way I used my experience as a bottom to be able to top what I really wanted and this seamed to work for both my self and those bottoms I chose to play with.

    You may or may not have seen a set of images and explanation of a guy who was confined and in bondage for 21 days straight and incarcerated in a padded cell? Well that was me as the Top or warden and a good friend of mine who know lives in another hemisphere as the bottom or captive.

    So I digress a little to give you some experience on my own past

    I shall in my own way try to answer some of the points you seem to be asking of your self in my normal way of keeping the question in my response as with out it ones point can some times be lost and as such I find e mail not a good way to express ones feelings regarding a specific but to merely correspond which are in my opinion two quite different things.

    I am long past due on an update to 2.0, but I just have not had it in me to write even though a lot is going on.
    We all have lives that need to be dealt with, from my point of view don’t worry don’t beat your self up you do this for your pleasure not ours.

    As those of you who have followed me a long time know, I waffle on my switchiness with some things and times feeling very dominant and, then, very submissive at others. This is currently wreaking havoc in my head even though I do realize that I don’t actually ever have to pick just one.
    Your right you don’t have to pick one and to have one without the other you actually don’t have any thing. By that I mean to say that if I found a top whom had never actually experienced what he was dishing out no matter its intention ie gags plugs strait jackets sleepsacks fisting oral chastity etc etc I would not want him to do it to me. One has to understand the experience to be able to perform for the best possible result both mentally and physically if you want to be locked up in chastity then its only fair that your key holder has had that experience as with out how on earth does he know how it affects you and how to use that to his advantage in other ways.

    But, before we get into that,
    Oppps ☺

    a bit of an update of sorts as since the last post I have seen Thumper (where I felt Dom-ish), met my Twitter legend friend Kiwi, and almost had a lunch date with my beautiful and beautifully talented Australian wife, Ferns, before I had to cancel to do a work thing, and am on my last day of a 3 week trip to the other hemisphere. Tomorrow I go home and I am so happy that the idea of 18 hours on one plane does not even phase me.
    Some times the best laid plans of mice and men do not come together its life. The amount of flying you do becomes normal it seems some what like being chaste I suspect !

    On the work front, it’s been interesting because two weeks ago I actually declined an invitation for a promotion because I have just reached a level in my career where I am happy and can stay where I am and be just fine. On the surface, we were not talking anything major salary wise as this would be a status thing with more staff under me, but I think I am done. This was a quick and easy decision, but I cannot explain how much it bothered me a few days later because my whole career has been about the next level and then the next level, etc. It felt a bit like giving up, even though I still have everything I wanted.
    Some times in life we need to know when enough is enough its not a race to the end but we do need to know when to back off a bit and to start enjoying our life style and be content. How much do we need in financial reward versus how much we can afford to have less responsibility and more time for those things we always seem to have to work for ie loved ones, vacations those extra little moments that mean so much? Those can not be bought by promotion they can not be bought with money they have to be bought with who we are and how we go through life ie being who we are not what some one wishes to make us.

    Around the same time, Axel’s domination game has stepped up even more than before and I find myself at a position where I feel I have to really fully embrace it or be the guy that wished forever and then wasn’t happy when he got it. I think, driven mostly by the fact that the thought of him in a dominant role, like a strict dominant role, now makes me more erect than I think a troop of naked firefighters walking through my house would, is a pretty good sign that I have drunk the Kool Aid and ready to lock the collar. In fact, while he likes me locked, he is often bothered by the fact that I can get hard in my devices, so a few says ago he ordered a new full cage from Steelwerks for me that he promises will have “special features” he has worked out with Chris. Do you know how hot that is even if he left me to pay for it? (that makes it hotter). He will always allow me my Dom side and has even embraced it, but all of this together has been that fear in the distance that has finally come out and its time to face it.
    All of the above tells us all one thing you are loved and cared for and above all else so lucky to have found some one who understands you it doesn’t matter about any one else you both know how each other tick and that’s all that matters in the end for you to share these thoughts with us the voyeurs in your life style and deep thoughts is a way for you to talk it through with your self with out feeling like some kind of alter ego. You know the answer to all you desire but like all of us you like to know your doing the right thing and seek some sort of reassurance that what you wish for is not being selfish etc.

    My hesitancy with this is something I don’t think I ever wanted to admit because I know it’s in my illogical brain versus the logical one, but there is still a part of me that feels if accept the full sub role with the man I love and even trained to be a Dom, that it will make me less of a man somehow.
    If any thing, MORE of a man who knows what he wants and how to receive and give those things that two people can explore.

    Again, I know this is not the case as I can see sub after sub be able to be stunning, brilliant, masculine men and then yet a more stunning slave, but for me the image gets cloudy and I just cant see it, even though it seems to be quickly approaching on the horizon. My logical mind tells me that I can and will have it all (collar at home but collar key holder outside) but that worries me as my Dom side will surely creep out.
    So, I need advice (and not judgement on this) but how do you guys find the masculinity in submission?
    You must be you and you must be feeling good about the fact you have the best of both worlds ahead of you, in many ways like the work situation you have to know when you have achieved your goals and don’t keep looking for more but to be happy within the position that you have made happen, many yearn for what you currently have and many will never achieve any where near it so consider your self both lucky fortunate and blessed that for all your hard work and drive you have got what you have got. No one does any thing for any one like we do it for our selves its in our DNA. The situation your in is through understanding between the two of you, there is no wrong or right route there is only one and that’s where you take it. Wear your collar with love and your chastity with pride.

    So Masculinity in Submission !!

    Your not alone in this question but we will all deal with it differently. We don’t have to give up our masculinity to be submissive or bottom or to be in bondage or chastity what we have to have is Love, Confidence, Desire, Ability
    We do not have to have Masculinity to be Top or Dominant again we have to have Love, Confidence, Desire, Ability

    To have one with out the other again is to have nothing

    I have always my self dealt with top and bottom in bondage in other words I use giver and receiver as this seems to do away with the sex innuendo and the sub and dom and if some times one gives as opposed to receive then there is no submission or domination as such.
    I suppose I just use different words but to be a receiver can not make you more of a man or to have more masculinity that the one who is giving.

    Again as I started this off I am not making judgements at all but have tried to look at your post as if I were having a conversation with you and how I would make my answers. I am not a font of all knowledge but felt as though I should reach out and be a friend to listen to.

    Kind Regards.

    Like

  6. I personally find the “submission is not manly” thing to be rooted in the paragdim of males being seen as the dominant/superior gender and females as naturally submissive/inferior. As someone who a) doesn’t have a dominant bone in his body and b) is massively and naturally attracted and turned on by dominance displayed by any gender and c) even with all the complications of living without access to a penis, etc., still fundamentally feels as though I’m masculine and is comfortable presenting that way, I’m confused by the equation of masculine = dominance and submission = …? – not masculine? Feminine? See? It just doesn’t compute. Ferns, for example, is fabulously feminine but also a bloody fuckin hot Dominent. There is zero confusion about either of those things. And there aren’t many things hotter than a muscular stud with a locked cock strapped down and sweaty from the struggle.

    (Insert the usual bit about nothing at all being wrong with feminized submissive males and we’re all special snowflakes with our own unique wiring and what turns is on and off can’t be helped.)

    I tend to agree with the kiwi. One of the things than really drives the hotness of male submission is when the male submitting is so hotly male. Nothing at all detracts from that maleness just because he’s allowing it to be controlled and focused by another. Nothing. At. All.

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  7. I expect your problem stems from being a switch, and understandably so. You would have to choose one mode or the other, compartmentalize better, or accept being bivalent or hybrid, which is what a switch is. It may be at least theoretically more desirable to be more pure, so to speak, but that’s a moot point, since you are what you are and that’s what you have to work with.

    Like

  8. The other commenters have spoken eloquently. I’ll try to add my two cents. Submitting to Axel isn’t going to change who you are. You can say “Sir” to him, and then go to work and make a fire-and-brimstone presentation the next day. That presentation may be better because of your play the day before. Stand tall with your head held high (a posture collar won’t be needed) in your submission.
    On your career choice, I once found myself in an airport without a book, in the days before Kindles and iPhones. I bought Yogi Berra’s “If you find a fork in the road, take it!” The book was about his career, the choices and decisions he had to make along the way, with the lesson being, when you find yourself at that fork in the road, make a decision and then move confidently down that path. Your new career path contradicts your previous path, but you know when it’s time to get off that old path. You may encounter different bumps in this new road, but you’ll be just fine.

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  9. Think about how much stronger a man must be to *let go* of the appearance of strength, think how much stronger he is if he is one of the rare ones who does not need the illusion of strength. He is enough in himself without that crutch.

    Think about sports, think about aligning your self and energies with your Dom like you are an elite athlete. Think about the rare levels of strength, finesse, experience it takes to put all one’s powers behind the football and make it fly precisely to where it will be caught. When you submit, you are both the quarterback and the ball, you have to propel your entire self into the void so that you can be caught, so Axel can take you to the victorious place you want to be together. Your strength is what makes it all possible; your strength goes NOWHERE in submission. It just changes form, it just changes from compressed energy contained entirely in yourself to kinetic energy, dynamic relation to someone, something else. Even when caught and being carried, that football has to hold itself together, press back against the hands and arms that hold it tight.

    Think about a sports car. You are the Ferrari for Axel to drive. Neither of you can get to the destination alone.

    Think about the military. It only runs because strong men submit their strength to those who command them.

    Finally, remember that your logical mind is not great at predicting what you will enjoy. Submission doesn’t happen in the logical neocortext, I believe it happens in the deepest of the three parts of the brain, in the reptilian brain, the amygdala, where there is just impulse. Your logical brain really doesn’t understand that part of you, so it will turn you into knots mentally to try and stop you doing something it cannot understand and therefore fears. At some point, it is an act of will to ignore that part of you and the story it gins up, it is an act of will to set that aside and let the other piece of you follow what it wants.

    As David Whyte writes: you have only to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

    You are beautiful in your strength. That’s the only kind of submissive I want.

    Lady Bella

    Liked by 1 person

  10. We spoke a long time ago through email. I’m similar to you in that I’m a dom personality living with a husband who holds my key. Since we spoke he too has stepped up his game and wants me to be more submissive. I struggled as well at first and sometimes I still do, but one thing I realized was what I considered masculine was “toxic masculinity, the need to cowboy up and be strong!” That just isn’t the case. I’m no less of a man locked and submissive than I am out of my cage. And if I’m thinking about masculinity in the more testosterone “strong” sense of the word, then I have to consider how much strength it takes to deal with being locked up (the nightly erections, the pain of a horny master getting you so turned on you think you are going to blow a screw, etc…) It has been a journey for me to not feel like less of a man being locked up, having to shave the pubic area to avoid pulling hairs or chafing and not being able to fuck my husband anymore without using a dildo or my fingers. My husband is gay and not bi. He is turned on by men and turned on by me. I have learned to identify the hunk of titanium between my legs as my metal dick. Therefore I feel no less manly than I was wielding my fleshy cock. That cock is for his enjoyment now. I allow myself to be dominant in other areas of my life but have learned to let him lead. I know I have a long way to go before I let go completely mentally and allow myself to be totally submissive but realize it isn’t about being dominant or submissive just because I’m locked up. A good friend of mine told me something awhile back that stuck with me. “Not all BDSM has to be Dom and sub. You don’t need to categorize everything. Let your husband lead you and because you love him, let yourself be led. When you let go of the labels if will be more freeing.” When I struggle I remember those words. I hope they help you too.

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    1. Well done Cliff loosing labels is what I was also trying to get across as if we put our selves in boxes then there is no hope although some prefer cages LOL

      Like

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