Someone messaged me yesterday and mentioned that he was sure I had not written in a LONG time because I was “likely just busy with Axel hanging naked, creating new Dominant and submissive games and, of course, having sex like S&M porn stars”.
While this dude may have been being passive aggressive or just dense, I had to read that three or four times to not chuckle because I was feeling really sorry for the porn stars we were being compared to because, if that really were the case, the only ones we could really compare to would have had to have be the ones who hated their jobs, had body issues and Dad bods, and only got the work because their creepy uncle owned the studio. It just made me laugh because I realized that people are going to create a vision for anyone who blogs (or does anything else on a private yet public scale) that’s going to suit what they want to see in their mind. In my case, this is especially true because I have rarely written about private details of mine and Ax’s sex life like many other bloggers do with theirs but I just don’t. It doesn’t mean my sex or bad or good, it just means I don’t.
Though, maybe I should. Right now it would can be described as non existent, but there are reasons and the cage has been on steadily as well.
Yesterday’s note also made me laugh because at the exact moment it came through we were both sitting outside on the covered porch (technically a veranda but that sounds too Foghorn Leghorn for me) having a snack and doing some work. As I read it Ax was sitting on a pillow with a horrible look on his face because four days ago he had a surgery to revise some of the scar tissue and remove some of the pressure on his spine that was the caused by his post accident surgeries a few years behind and he currently has a gaping wound across his lower back that is driving him nuts. Across from him I was sitting with a bloody washcloth to my face because five days ago I had sinus surgery where they went in to open more drains for me while also scraping my sinuses, rebuilding my septum, and taking out “excess” tissue in my nose all so I can breathe better and not rattle a whole plane with snoring. I can’t tell you it hurts at all, but if you have never had this done, it’s like volunteering to be given a massive sinus infection (because everything swells post surgery) where you are not allowed to blow your nose or sniff. Also, I got the bonus prize of these, I would say massive, plastic stents in each nostril that are holding everything open for another three days; hence the bloody towel for the bloody drips because they just don’t stop.
All this said, I hate to have now ruined that guy’s image of us, but is is better to point out the realities of being two middle aged gay men or live in a fantasy? I am actually asking this question because I don’t know but I do know that when you step back and look at some of the things I do believe one can mix sex play with aging and we do it naturally (you know, on the days when the rain is not coming in making bones creak). Ax and I have talked about maybe we are subconsciously making ourselves old as well through just weird little measures we both find ourselves doing. One example of that is one afternoon we had great sex and I was tied all kinds of ways for him, we never considered our age at all – but when it was all over and time to go to to dinner, we had to argue about which car to take because mine is a M and the ride is too rough and his is too low to the ground. We are one step from a mini-van on days like that but that’s the reality of this game show, right?