Yes, I know I am writing to you “in public” and, yes, I know you won’t like that one bit. But, tonight I sit 8,234 miles away from you on the other side of the world and I am not ashamed to admit to anyone who reads this that I am missing you terribly this trip, like most trips.
However, tonight is a little different as this morning I finally wore the collar and lock you had Chris design especially for us at Steelwerks that I have been so resistant to wear for some reason. And, tonight, as I sit here clutching it like my my mother often did her pearls, though for entirely different reasons, I am overcome with this crazy need to just say thank you and, from both my Dom and sub side, admit that you own me heart, soul, and any appendage you might want. As you know, the switch in me has been reluctant to say that for some reason as despite as much research as I have done, I just always thought I would be admitting a weakness if I allowed you to be the Dom you now want to be with me. However, in reflecting on life I realized that I could not be more wrong.
More importantly and though you know this, I need to say it for those following along at home, when I was 27, a year before we met, I saw a career counselor who had me lay out every dream I had professionally and helped me define what I wanted to be when I grew up. That design was destined for a single man and, we laughed in 1999 when I laid it out out with you saying something like “I’ll need a new husband if you are gone that much“, BUT, somehow, through a bit of hard work and a whole lot of luck, almost every single thing on that list has fallen into place and, over the last twenty years, you have been instrumental in every single step of me living my dream that meant, and continues to mean, that we spend more than half our nights alone. I know every week I leave you with the leftovers of life I have tried to pack unsuccessfully into the 72 hours at home (and I especially still feel bad about the time I thought I could remodel the master bath three days before heading to China) and while you grimace, it’s always okay. Like all of it, you just roll with it, though now I think I have given you permission to ready the paddle upon my return. However, it’s hard, and it’s tough, but it’s amazing too and I feel I absolutely need to say thank you for living the dream I know that you never had. This would not work without you in any single way and that is THE key when I am asked how things happened the way they did.
That said, even ten years ago, you were more vanilla than soft serve and, once again, you changed everything for my dream. It started with chastity, then the submissive boyfriend rabbit, now some discipline and a collar and, fuck, once again, there you are right there in the middle of my dream being all supportive again. However, the awakening in you makes me smile every time you say certain things or get all dominant over other things. It makes me proud and makes me want to make sure things on and in me that lock, by your doing, are tightened to the maximum allowed. This dream is just starting and while I once again say thank you for living one you never had, this one included that invitation to follow me, or, in the new standard, me follow you and I could not be more happy to wear this lock when I do and live this dream together wherever we actually are.
So, to the public reading this, thanks for coming along on this ride. The blog is in many ways my diary and this is a letter I want to look back on, so it felt right to add it here.
Ax, as we start 21 years next week, I am proud to be yours forever and always no matter where in the world I am.