Last week I finally wrote a new post about the new boy, Axel, and life in general. I had honestly debated whether or not to start writing again, as I think I had mentioned 707 times, though I doubt I ever will. Almost a week later I am sitting here so happy that I did that because there was something about that post that “reconnected” me to, well, me. What it also did was helped connect me to a new set of guys on twitter who are at the same stages in their own relationships as I am with the boy and, ironically, their situations with their husbands are pretty damn close as well.
It feels good. In fact, it feels better than good.
I am only now starting to realize actually how isolated I allowed 2020 and the pandemic to make me feel. I am working very hard to let go of what I have now realized is a deep anger at COVID, the government, and everyone who refuses to mask or follow basic safety rules. Because of those things and those people (in my mind), this year, my mother died with a stranger who couldn’t figure out FaceTime in time, I said goodbye to my father on Zoom – though he recovered and is now transitioning to a new, final stage of life in a place where I can only wave at him through a closed window, and had to leave friends on the other side of the world who I miss dearly as my job may never take me there again. I let this anger stop my twitter and blog activity and I will be damned if I let it continue because, that one post, showed me there are so many more people and stories to get to know and that pandemic or not, I can still continue to build mine.
Specifically, that last post was how I will not degrade my boy and how I refuse to let him think of himself as less than me, or less than other men in general. Immediately following that post I heard from an East Coast friend who is the Master of one and Sir to a few and he completely disagrees with me on that line of thinking. I think that its is incredible we disagree as he needs to explore his domination in whatever way works for him. I respect him for his thoughts and he does me for mine, even though we each might think of each other as crazy. He made many good points about how can one train someone if they are not un-equal, or how will a sub learn and know “his place” etc and that is what made me really start thinking about professional org charts and the automatic respect title commands.
In my company, I sit two boxes below the on man who is on top. Based solely on that, I need to respect the him and the one person in the middle of us because they outrank me. They give me rules. I follow. Are they better men than I am for where they sit? Absolutely not, but they have more power in my relationship with them, simply by default. On the same token, I have 37 people who sit under me on an org chart. Am I any better as a human than they are? With the exception of two who I am not yet convinced are actually humans, no way. But, do I have more power than they do within the confines of our working relationship, absolutely so. It’s just so similar it’s scary and even more so when you look back and realize that almost every relationship in your life is based on domination and submissive to some degree and that, get this, even those can be done with clothing on.
These things made me realize that if I mapped out a kink org chart for me, it would have my box above a few and below a few too. That’s okay and how I prefer it, but in thinking along those terms, THAT is how I justify the power exchange and my ability to train those in the lower boxes as, like at real work, it’s my job or duty to do so based upon the placement of my box. In kink terms at home, it’s how I justify rules, titles, discipline and structure but it is also how I justify the rewards, incentives, mentorship, and cuddle time.
But, that is how I justify it for me, but, buyer beware, every relationship is different.
As I final note, one of the new friends I mentioned above is a fellow named CagedLumberJack who, like me, is a locked switch explore his sub side via chastity and his dom side via training a new boy. He’s an excellent writer and, as I read his blog, I actually think he might be my long lost mental twin as we tend to think the same. So, check it out and see what you think.