Second Place

I have never thought much about the number two (2). It’s not some fancy number like seven (7) or a cocky number like three (3). It’s just the number two (2), always right there looking at number one (1), but never quite bold enough to overtake the top spot. Poor two, it’s the the numerology version of “always a bridesmaid.”

I promise the two thing will have a direct correlation in a few minutes, but right now, the thing with Jack is just going amazingly well. Axel and I both feel we met and are falling in love with our unicorn, though the relationship dynamic between Axel and Jack is quite different than what I have with Jack – as he and I have an intensity that fuels the BDSM aspects between us. When I am with Jack and when Axel, a naturally born muggle, is home, he may watch, may provide aftercare, or may just go to Target. It’s not in any way because he’s angry, has hurt feelings or anything like any of that, but he did tell me that there is a bit of an elephant in the room sometimes because he knows Jack will never look at him the way he does me as we have a rule about eye contact such as, when he is paddled while on his back with his legs up (the boy is bendy), he is not allowed to break eye contact with me, nor is he allowed to close his eyes if the pain hurts. He simply must adjust and after about 400 hits (I’m kidding, 390 really) the boys ass is glowing but that eye contact can get incredibly, deeply amazing. Axel LOVES that we have this, but doesn’t always want to watch it – mostly because he has things to do.

Overall, this new triad thing is good. It is going to work. It just will. That said, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t want to examine when exactly it was that made this bond.

I wanted to know why. I wanted to know what I did, or what we did, or if the drive to attraction was one of the following: sex, BDSM, looks, friendship, companionship, or what. Jack and I talked about this earlier this week and, my answer started forming. While it turns out that what hooked him was indeed all of those things listed above, but one more aspect neither of us expected which was actually, being in second place. I think I have mentioned that he is a single dad with full custody of a ten year old who is going on 50. As you know, I don’t have kids. In fact, I have never been around them much as nobody in my family has them either. But, I have seen them on planes and in Sky Clubs and can often see that they, apparently, do provide some joy and love in their parents’ lives. Go figure.

After I claimed him, the boy let me know that he had had some really bad experiences coming out as a, umm, <looks both ways> <whispers>, parent . He said men on dates were always polite but would quickly have a work emergency, something with their grandmother, or needed to wash their hair immediately that night. Jack chalked it up to men being jackasses, but I think he did have it in the back of his head that he was not going to wait until colleges start calling the kid and/or that meeting that guy was just not going to happen. He said he felt okay with that, but something I said to him hooked him fast.

Of course I asked and what hooked him is something I said to him within the first week about how I was managing this with Axel and how I knew it would be fine between all of us because the same rule continued to apply – the rule of second place.

See, second place is not bad at all, but it is a reality. For Jack, I told him that <insert child’s name here> would always, always be his number one priority. Always. I told him I would be his number two and that I know and understand I will never rise above that. I gave him blanket permission to cancel time with me for the kid at any time and made him a promise that, if left alone, he would always have his Apple Watch or is iPhone next to him so he could verbally talk to Siri to gain access to whatever he may need or to let me know that practice ended early and we need to start unlocking the 19 locks I have on him, whatever.

This conversation was also followed by an opposite one in which I made it super clear to him that he would also always just be my number two in return, because Axel always will fill the number one role. I said this to him as I was worried that dating a couple would make him feel less full, or less future driven and, well, less like a number one – a role he needs to eventually fill for some lucky, lucky man. I encouraged (and continue to) him to date and to look, but he respectfully and delightedly declined because, apparently, he doesn’t have an issue with being number two either for me, or Axel.

After this I am working on not questioning anything as, well, why. Number two is a perfectly solid spot on which to be standing,


  1. goes to show how important honest and open communication can be.
    being number 2 is in fact a sub spot and coming from the sport world a position i do not like to consider but in my personal life a position i can relish. Thank you for your blog


  2. I think the way you guys found one another, became friends and partners is a testament to poly relationships. Me and my husband have always been open. Actually, the first few years we stated that these were “just sex dates.” That was 23 years ago. In between, tons of three ways, we both dated the same guy for a summer (who sadly moved away otherwise I think it would have evolved into a triad marriage).

    From what I can read in your stories, and our conversations, you three, and the numerical hierarchy you are using right now, which I imagine will evolve into each of you is a number one to the other, well, that’s not just falling in love, it’s true love embodied. All I wanted to say was this … given the nature of 2020, what you three did was the opposite of COVID. You have kindled a light in the world while much of it was extinguished for so many of us.

    Stay golden guys!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Thanks for your well-written and thoughtful blog. I was first attracted to it because of my dabbling with chastity and fascination with Steelwerks. Your expanding relationship with Jack has me thinking of the time I spent seeking to be a male unicorn among a long-term gay male relationship. I started by being the meat in a few three-way sandwiches. Then I sought out sub roles thinking it would be easier to work my way into a throuple. I love bringing a new spark to existing relationships. I can tell how inspiring my libido is to a couple. I’ve always enjoyed having my whole body engaged and that always happens with a couple in a threeway.

    I like the dynamic among you, Jack and Axel. I suspect cagedlumberjack is right in that it may evolve into everyone being “number one” to each other. I’m rooting for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. As always, Drew,well said! This is a very critical comment on a third in a relationship. I’ve know several gay male couples who have the challenge of a relationship and children from a prior marriage. I think you 3 have your heads in the right place to make this work.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. What is most apparent after reading the last few posts, is that you are blessed with insight. The ability to observe, question, validate, and to be critical of things around you and how it affects you and your world. “Secondly” (no pun intended) you have the emotional maturity to realize communication and honesty are paramount in any relationship, and every-time another person is added, the need for honest, open communication grows exponentially!!
    Congratulations on your new triad and keep up the great blog that’s so eloquently written.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. This leaves me speechless, which only one man seems to be able to do on a consistent basis. To say that the three of us have hit the lottery is an understatement. Based on relationships from my past, I understand the importance of number one and the no less important number two. Unfortunately I have not met the right man or men who understood the importance of number two until now.
    Number two is of no less importance nor less than number one. Number two is no less constant nor less cared for or loved than number one. Number two is no less a priority than number one. Number two is no less…period.
    The mutual understanding and communication about what number two is and evolves to be is nothing short of absolutely amazing. I have grown in ways and become better in all aspects of my life that I will never be able to put into words that seem expressive and appropriate enough. And the BEST part is we are just getting started.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. The rule about eye contact is hot AF. Can I ask how that came about, what sorts of training it may have taken, what happens if the rule is broken, etc.?


    1. It actually came about very fluidly as eye contact between us was intense to start with. There is no real punishment as it’s a learning tool but all I have to do is look remotely disappointed and it doesn’t happen again.

      Liked by 1 person

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