So I have said that I would write about the adding a third in a bit more detail, so here we go.
In Jack’s last post he described it as “perfectly imperfect” and, that pretty much sums it up. Jack was brought into this as my sub, my one day slave, and in doing that I had the support of my husband, Axel. This was something that had been talked about for years and even tried with Thumper, so we were good with this idea. Somewhere in our fantasy world I think we had always thought that if would be “cool” if the potential sub were to like Axel and if they could figure out a way to be around each other, but we never expected it. Also, with the way my travel used to be and the fact that we are in a small Southern city (that luckily still has power and is not drenched), we just always also assumed that said sub would be somewhere far, far away and only connected to me digitally while at home.
Then, we met the unicorn and encased his horn.
I am not going to go into the ways he fits and the math problems with who is two and three and one at times and what happens when one is subtracted from two and when he returns does that actually equal three as we have talked about that 103 times before. He imperfectly fit perfectly.
Axel and I have been together 23 years. A third just does not drop in and set up house without any issue. I was talking to a friend about this a few weeks ago and she was surprised when I told her that when we have issues that the issue rarely has anything to do with the Dom/sub or kink aspects of things but more the FOMO type things and the fact that even after a year we sometimes still feel we need to “entertain him” when he is in the house as if he were a guest rather than the naked worker or piece of art that he is.
I had always thought that a third would come in and they would be like candy to the primary couple. You know, something sweet, sometimes sour, but ultimately satisfying (and sticky) in the end. I always thought the primary two would have the “set” feelings and that the third would just be there for the ride and enjoying his time time before heading home to go about whatever the third would do when not with the two. I did realize that existing thruples had worked this out somehow, especially since they all shared a room, but I also always worried about the legal, financial and emotional sides of that and always worried that someone would not be represented. Of course, I really did’t give a fuck as much as the fact I was curious and I know that when the time comes to do the practical measures of protection we will just hire an attorney and get it done.
What we don’t talk about, even among ourselves, are the connections to each other and how surprising they are. Axel is the absolute love of my life and, at first, I thought sharing him or sharing myself would lessen that. It has not. He connects with Jack, but in a very different way than Jack and I connect. It shows and, while not a problem it’s also a problem. See ?The thing is, after 23 years together, that love gets comfortable, that love gets busy and that love generally goes to a deep place that is sometimes just so comfortable that it can be easily taken for granted. We had room to love a third one without changing that and, through a lot of fucking communication and some actual fucking, we did and still do.
THAT is the perfect part.
The imperfect part is that sometimes we act like 12 year old girls and get our feelings hurt when they don’t have to be. It’s never a big deal and it’s always unexpected, but I will fully admit that it happens to the both of us, even though I do like to think it happens to Axel more. An example I think I have used before is once he came home when I was fucking Jack. He trotted up the stairs, we saw him, and we immediately retreated and acted like we were in some 80’s movie covering our private parts and trying to get dressed. Anyone on the outside would have seen that and thought it was BECAUSE we were fucking and we were ashamed, worried we had broken a vow, etc. We have and had permission to do that but when I saw Axel’s face drop I wanted to run away in shame. See, it wasn’t the fucking, but it was the timing. He had had a shit day working with his suicidal teenage patients/clients and there we were, having fun. We could have been playing Monopoly in six layers of clothing while reading the Bible and would have felt the same, because it felt unbalanced. The reverse has happened when I am running through some airport devouring a bag of cheez-its and call to find out they are eating dinner and cuddling. The feelings don’t last more than 45 seconds before turning into a “awww, glad they are having fun” thought, but I will fully admit they are there. I think they will always be there, but it’s how we react to them that sets the tone.
I started thinking about it this way, when Jack is here, at our house, he is 100 percent here. WE are his focus. The thing is, he can never be 100% of our focus because of where he is and I don’t mean as a number three. I mean that when I am at home, the bills I have to pay are on the desk, the leaking pipe I promised to take care of but didn’t is dripping with my guilt, the neighbors come to talk, the dogs need my attention, etc. It’s the same for Axel and I am sure that sometimes when he sees me rock hard and smiling as I torment the boy, he can’t stop thinking about all that laundry to he has do while I play, or even worse, thinking that I would never just be sitting in the floor anymore dripping hard with him and that stings. The funniest part is that is 100% true, but not because of a lack of attraction in any way, but 100% because it is 4:55 on a Tuesday afternoon and we have 23 years worth of shit to do. Shit that we don’t put aside for each other anymore, yet we do for the boy. It’s not intentional in any way. It’s just fact. I absolutely do not want to change that time with the boy, and he is serving as an excellent catalyst for Ax and I to do better. To stop and enjoy each other more. But, to let each other enjoy the boy when we have the chance as well. Again, it’s the imperfect part of perfect.
When we tweet, we don’t show the imperfect parts.
When we write, we do.
In this space, I feel I have to share that if you ever think you want to add a third, real feelings are involved and real feelings have to dealt with at all times. I know some think we just dropped him in and the world was perfect. But we want to make sure we convey it is not, though some days it feels damn close. I still worry we are not enough for the boy and that he deserves a number one, but as we grow, I see he is getting exactly what he needs from us right now and that makes me harder than any porn would ever do.
In the end, it is three way growth for three people and time, patience, and a good paddle will make it all better as we continue to evolve.