Hello from the left coast. I was sitting in traffic today and just thinking and I realized that I was smiling. Like big smiling and there was no real reason. Weirdly, that made me smile more.
For those of you who “knew” me prior to January 2020, when I took an intentional break from international travel due to my parent’s health and then, two months later, when I took an unintentional break from all travel due to global health, you know that my world is now very, very different. My travel is picking up again, but the international part is done and the domestic part is about a third of what it was and that, actually, is really okay with me even despite losing some elite airline and hotel status levels that somewhat does pierce my soul at some level. But, now I have jack AND Axel, two amazing pandemic puppies, and have acquired this new title of Master along the way, and all those things, I suspect, are why I was just the weird smiling man in the black Tesla on the 405 earlier today.
What I realized as the afternoon continued is that I have not told my side of the “being better” story. By that I mean that there have been multiple posts about how jack is a better man, dad, employee, son, and just all around man due to his slave status, but I do not think I have ever told you how or what his slave status and, thus my subsequent Master status, have done for me as a person, a husband, an employee, and as a friend.
In short, it’s made me better too.
In long form, it’s given me a confidence and a freedom about life that I actually didn’t realize I needed. I am a big guy thanks to some strong genetics and my size is something that even when I look in a mirror I mentally often do not see. Now, I see fat in places I don’t want it and way more than I want, but physical size is something I kinda know, but often don’t feel. I am only 6’1, but have a 21.5″ neck, a 46″ chest, shoulders that do not fit places comfortably, and a 34-35″ waist. With a bald head and sunglasses, I either look like I know way more about football than I do or that I am protecting some government official somewhere. I get that, but it’s weird to me too. My internal confidence often did not match the outer shell so many times in life because of shame around my kinks, insecurity at work, or just general things in life. Being a switch did not help that at all because I often felt that I would not be good at being in either role since I didn’t feel it 100%.
However, this owner thing, I have to say I have really taken to and I feel like I am pretty damn good at it as well.
In no way do I mean to discount Ax in any of this and the benefits of who he has made me could not even fit on this page, but that’s been nearly 25 years and being his husband has brought me so much joy through the years in so many ways except that absolute fulfillment of my perversions. It’s not that he didn’t try, but until I met the man who is wired to be just as kinky as me, I really didn’t know what I needed at all. Being jack’s owner, trainer, Sir, best friend, and, well, Master, tapped something in me that has given me so much, some of which I didn’t know I needed.
Personally, to know that this man who I lead, who is so smart, so talented, and, well, so adorable yet hot structures his life to my orders arouses my brain even more than my dick. The fact that I have this power over him, which happened so fast in some ways, sometimes scares me because I know how careful I need to be with that power. I will never harm him intentionally, but in the past in some scenes when I got carried away, I realized he was not going to stop me because he wanted to please me, and I cannot ever let myself cross that line. This power, though, I have found I now carry outside of times with jack and it’s given me a new confidence that just shows itself in places in life that likely nobody else would ever know, but I do, and I love that.
If you have stuck around for awhile as well, you know I have had what some might call an unfair share of grief over the same time period and I00% credit jack as the object (he likes it when I say that) that helped me channel anger and sadness in some ways that just made me wonder if the universe sent him to me just for that purpose. Axel and I have emotionally dealt with all of these things in very different ways and I, at least in my opinion, have gotten through the worst of it much more rapidly than Ax and with a better outlook about the future too. It’s like the healing power of kink, and it’s something that I have found to be extremely true in my case.
As the travel increases, our little thruple is learning to adjust with it and that will shape the next few years as well.
So, I have a plane to catch and not much else to say on this aside from just this glimpse of the other side of the duo. In just a few hours I will walk in the door and jack will be there naked on his knees waiting for me. As I walk by him to greet Ax and the bio-dogs, my dick will rise and the weekend will start. Damn, I hope we have something fun to write about Sunday.